What makes some people 'doers'?

[Echobelly]

Bear with me on this one.... I sometimes wonder how some people are so good at getting off their arses and doing big stuff, stuff I just couldn't begin to imagine doing.

For example, a chance encounter on a holiday inspired my bro-in-law and his wife to start an amazing charity still going to this day, funding a massive project in another country. I can imagine if I'd had that encounter I'd have been 'Oh, it would be nice to do something about that', but I'd never think what, let actually get round to doing anything.

Or starting a business - I can't imagine how people start anything beyond a simple freelancing one-person type thing. I mean, sometimes I've had an idea that I supposed might make a business, but I would have no idea how to start, I probably wouldn't have any useful contacts (in my case I also hate risk, uncertainty, long hours and debt, so I was never going to have my own business!). How do people do that?

I accept I will never be a 'doer', and I massively admire those who are, but I wonder what it is that makes some people that way?

Anyone feel the life blood draining out of them should have iron levels checked, and think about HRT. We only have one life, so we have to grab it with both hands, have no regrets.

Yes you can do it!

Write that book, trek to those mountains, live every day as your last and all that folks

Those of my school friends (back in teh 60s) who went on to set up their own businesses had DFs who ran businesses, a grocer or farmers, Not exactly high flying but I think it meant they realised it was possible. But I think there might be something in the genes too.

I am sure it is just how the chemicals in your brain are wired. I am not naturally a 'doer' (although was more of one when I was younger), people say that I come across very calm and measured and am great in a crisis. So us non doers have their good points!

I am generally caffeine free but sometimes when I am feeling totally shattered I have a cup of coffee which will turn me into a 'doer'. I can only imagine this is how 'doers' feel all the time which is why it makes me think it must be a chemical thing.

I am sure it is just how the chemicals in your brain are wired.

I am generally caffeine free but sometimes when I am feeling totally shattered I have a cup of coffee which will turn me into a 'doer'. I can only imagine this is how 'doers' feel all the time which is why it makes me think it must be a chemical thing.

I think this thread had started being about two divergent things, though. The OP was talking about being a 'doer' in terms of doing things like starting a business or founding a charity, which I think is probably a rather different thing to being the kind of 'doer' who has a low boredom threshold and likes to 'keep busy' with hobbies etc.

I mean, I do things like moving countries, changing careers and writing books, but my daily life isn't stuffed full of activities. I spent an hour yesterday sitting in a wood listening to a cuckoo, and given a day to myself, I would read three or four novels end to end.

The executive function thing is interesting - we're getting DS (8) assessed for ADHD and psychologists recommended a book about executive function and part of that involved a questionnaire about it that I have done for DS, and we're supposed to do it ourselves as well to assess strength and weaknesses. Haven't done DH yet, but interestingly, both DS and I came out weakest in 'goal-directed persistence', ie we're not that driven by a specific 'goal', which certainly fits my experience. I was always 'I'd like to have a job with work-life balance and start a family by my early 30s I suppose' but not 'I want to start my own business/be a senios manager/ make my first million by 30' or anything like that,

Interesting thread. I am not sure if I am a doer or not. I start loads of things and get all excited about them, but then before I finish I get bored and move onto the next thing.

I currently have half the wallpaper off the upstairs hallway and although I had the day off work today I bought a patio instead. Which will probably sit in the garden waiting to be laid whilst I repaint the kitchen...... (I ordered paint samples this morning too !!) I will get around to everything eventually as I always do - I did our bedroom last summer, put a pond in the garden in the autumn which is really nearly finished any day now I promise. And I made a jumper this week and am learning to crochet too.

Reading this back I don't actually know how DH puts up with me! I did have a small craft business too in my spare time a few years ago but my interests moved on so I stopped that.

biscuit , I could have written your post - poor DH has now instigated a rule where I'm not allowed one of my "amazing ideas" before 10am
For me it stems from a dull and monotonous childhood. I was discouraged from doing anything new and our life was stiflingly mundane (as an example we holidayed at the same holiday camp every year, even booking the same chalet over again) This has caused me to want to "do" stuff at every juncture.
I also care very little about what people think and am not bothered by failure as such (though I'd prefer not to!) I also have something of a knack of being able to find solutions where others see no way out.
I love my life and find constant interest in things around me, how people like DH don't go mad is a constant mystery to me

I think some of it is down to your way of dealing with stress - DM and I will both see something stressful, and think “I need to fix that” (whether that is researching a new place to live, reading up on tax law or medical conditions, or just tackling the washing up).

DH and DBro both think “oh my goodness, so stressful, I can’t deal with it right now!”. So the thing never gets tackled. DH is much better than me at motivating himself to do dull stuff though. I found academic coursework insanely hard to focus on, he actively enjoys it. He works from home quite productively, I need to take myself into the office or the library to focus.

In terms of achieving milestones - I finish something and look for something else to do. DH finishes something and thinks “phew!”. I take shitloads on and don’t finish it all, but what I do finish is about three times more than DH actually starts, so the end results is that I have done a lot.

@CaptainBrickbeard very well put. I can't get a handle on complex things. I am academically clever but have no business acumen at all. Plus, I'm happy to work on things just for me, but involving other people is just too complicated.

Sorry I left a reply that left you super stressed @superstressy - life got in the way.

I think it's probably worth looking at it the way the autistic spectrum works.

It's not linear, " high functioning" at one end, and "low" at the other. If you look at the photo of the sound mixer I've attached, you see all the sliders at the bottom? Imagine each one is a different strength.

Everyone has a different mixture. No person has all the sliders pushed way to the top, or to the bottom. Neuro chemicals don't behave like that.

Therefore, you can have ADHD, where you're distractable, and feel you couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery, but if it's your own amazing idea, you could find hyper focus kicking in, taking you through an 18 hour day getting all the details right.

You may have the ability to frequently have amazing ideas, but you also have just the right amounts of dopamine, and maybe serotonin to pace yourself, keep a decent process going, but not to the point whe your brain fries.

Then, you may have issues with mental health, such as anxiety, which means that despite having good ideas, the constant effort of trying to "appear normal", keep your more diverse traits in check, means that you find life just utterly exhausting. Which is a shit position to be in.

If you grow up in a house where your abilities are supported, whatever they may be, you are more likely to feel confident following your dreams, whether in a plodding fashion, or with a comet- like speed that crashes into the world one Tuesday. Either is a mixture of self- belief, intelligence, and your own strengths.

But without the right chemicals to manage your behaviour, they will stay in the dreams box, collecting dust, or crash early every time with a lack of planning, insight, and consistent application.

Sorry, bit waffley. ADD, and tired. Bad combination

Do you think people can turn into doers @lborgia? I'm in the anxious-exhausted category following a very stressful few years. But I was a medium-ish doer before.

Interesting thread. I think age can also influence this- I didn’t fully blossom into being a doer until my mid thirties, which is about how long it took me to get over a childhood fraught with a sense of anxious duty-doing and avoidance of risk.

I am not a do'er. I like to do as little as possible. Lie on the sofa for a week makes me happy.
I wish I had more dophamine etc.

I’d have been really disappointed if a poster called @Oblomov20 was the type to spring up at 6 am gaily crying ‘Anyone for a spot of tennis?’

iBor I would love to see a proper study into the consequences to the body and mind of 'doers' as many seem to suffer from burn out.

In the end it is quite hard to control the ability to 'do' things constructively and carefully, when you are fizzing away with energy. The problem I think becomes compounded by the natural limits of the body. Many people seem to have auto immune issues or other conditions that force the body to slow down.

Others find themselves with anxiety as you described, being unable to channel the ideas and energy into something meaningful can be crushing.

Ultimately if you can channel the energy and ideas, use them wisely and know your limits, then it is possible to be a doer and not burn out like a shooting star, but you need to learn the strategies at young age, have someone around you that recognises them and wants to help you manage yourself, without taking away the creative essence away by constraining too much. A tightrope almost.

I have a 'doer' dd, I can see she is just like me. So I help her with organisation, of knowing when to slow down, to stop. I support her ideas, and champion her along, and also help when she fails miserably by encouraging resilience. Hopefully she can learn from my mistakes.

I'm not a do'er at all. But I am a do'er of the bare minimum! My house is tidy, passable. Just. I regularly put washes on, a quick hoover. I've never been ashamed when someone pops round.

I choose carefully what to do, and if it will benefit me/if it's time effective or cost effective to me Long term: I choose to regularly batch cook 60 or 84 meatballs, so that in the next few months, I can pull a bag of meatballs out of the freezer in the morning, with a garlic bread, and then a nice dinner of spaghetti and meatballs is easily prepared, in minutes, no effort, when I get home from work.

To me this makes sense. I probably spend about 2-3 hours every day, at least 20 hours a week, sat on my sofa doing nothing. Mn'ing!

I have no desire to learn a foreign language or take up knitting. Run the holy communion classes or join the PTA.

By the time I've done my part time job, cooked, taken both ds's to football and washed kits, sat down and watched a decent tv programme, say game of thrones, that's enough. I'm stimulated enough.

Vellum

This is such an interesting thread, thanks for starting it. I'm always fascinated by extreme doers. By which I mean the ones that seem to 'do' simply for the sake of it rather than because of passion or enjoyment of the activities. Honestly the ones I have been close to appear to me to be doing as an avoidance mechanism. They all seem terrified of having the time to sit with their thoughts or have deeper relationships with thoes around them. That's the very extreme end though.

The less extreme doers (though still above average in terms of filling ones days) seems to vary in their reasons. I wouldn't consider myself to be a doer at all. Undiagnosed ASD, teenage trauma and adult anxiety mean that the day to day grind is very difficult for me. I feel totally overwhelmed by the need to do the same fecking things every day simply to reach a minimum acceptable level for the rest of society. I hate it, it drains me but I force myself to do it and so the thought of having the energy or inclination to then do some sort of hobby particularly one involving other people is painful.

On the other hand a friend once called me a doer because I move house and region happily and easily and have organized and taken a couple of big 'world' trips. I have loads of energy and ability when it comes to thoes things none when it comes to smaller scale things. She on the other hand feels totally overwhelmed at the idea of leaving her town (went to London which is 2 hours away for the first time aged 26). She will never move out of her current house unless forced too but on a weekly basis has a full time job, looks very well put together, has 4 children, volunteers at 3 different organizations, has a hobby and arranges hobbies for the children oh and has 5 pets to look after! I feel exhausted just typing all that.

Anyway, my point is that I don't value any of thoes things for myself. I'm impressed with her for doing them but the idea of spending my evening's the way she does fills me with dread.

I suppose for me to get off my bum I have to deal the thing to to be a massive super cool adventure... anything less and I can't muster up the energy. I think because I do find life so hard that I only risk the challenge if the reward is going to be worth it.

I've often thought about this! The stuff some people can achieve blows my mind. I wish I had the energy to do something even a quarter as big but just getting through the day is a big win for me! I'm a healthy 35 year old with no issues 🤷🏻‍♀️

Enjoying this thread. So interestingly. I am naturally a doer, but DH is not. It's caused quite a lot of tension in our relationship. But interestingly, since having children I have become less of a doer as I find I'm absolutely exhausted from the mental energy expended just keeping my career on track while having a family to feed, house to clean and fix etc. However, doing less generally is definitely affecting my mental health - but my physical health (literally short nights sleep every night and cumulative exhaustion) is stopping me doing anything about that.
Any tips from other doers?

But what the activities are being described as being done by the 'doer'?

I do stuff everyday, every minute. However, not everyone would ascribe the same value to it. For example, I spend a lot of time exercising (mainly running and strength exercises), then have warm and cold baths, body brush and skin care (as part of recovery). I read a lot, like to spend time outside. I potter, do small amounts of stuff everyday. It's how I find I manage big tasks more easily. But it means a lot is essentially invisible. For example, I figured a dirty oven would be a pain to spend all day cleaning it. So I decided it was better done to wipe it out more often but spend less time doing it.

But none of this is paid and only benefits other people indirectly. Although, it does benefit people, my DS told my DH the other day about some of his plans and he was inspired by me starting off thinking I couldn't run but now run every day. But I suspect I would not be described as a 'doer' because what I do and my influence is more subtle than looking very busy.

I always had loads of energy and did lots of stuff, but I had a massive fear of failure so I gave up at the first rejection (artist, not offered an exhibition kind of thing).
Personally I felt this was due to growing up in an abusive home, lack of praise and encouragement etc. I was actually scared of 'adults' even as a young adult myself. So zero confidence even though I was fairly talented (other people have told me). Also didn't like my looks so would not put myself 'out there,' although i appear confident and am good with people, fun etc. I have noticed my prettier friends got more opportunities generally when younger.

So spent my 20s doing jobs I didn't care about, then had a baby (with someone I didn't care about - abusive), left the relationship, and retrained in something that suited my lifestyle rather than my talents and strengths. Quite sad really thinking about it. I have friends with their own businesses, they all have a certain internal confidence and self-belief that I don't have.

yuko Yes I do have a tip, don't do everything for everyone else. Don't waste that precious energy on the laundry. Outsource the monotony as far as possible to others, and share it widely.
Learn early that the needs of others is without limits, and will drain you dry. Seriously, I wish someone had said this to me 16 years ago. Yes definitely put energy into your kids, home etc but save some for yourself.

You will lose that star dust pretty damn quickly unless you put the brakes on the house and childcare front. I am not kidding when I say unless you do, your mental health will go to the wall, as will your marriage when the resentment kicks in.

So you make some time for you at all costs, for your projects, well being and you do just enough of all the other stuff so there is something left for you. Rant over.

You are not a bottomless brunch of positive energy that others can just help themselves to, in a nutshell.

need then you do it again now, you still have time. Start now. What have you got to lose? You keep chipping away relentlessly until someone caves and gives you the exhibition. Don't let the past hold you back, we all have our crosses to bear in that department. Use the trauma of your past to good use in your work I say, and give yourself the chance to try again.

At work we call them doers and gonna doers. Our boss is always going to do X Y and Z, but by 4pm is still talking about doing X. We just assess what needs to be done and do it. It's a trait that you either have or don't I think.