How to stop saving things for 'best'

[Nightlights]

I'm so terrible at this! I buy nice skin products and don't use them for ages for fear of running out and not being able to replace them. I buy nice clothes and don't wear them because I don't want to wear them out/waste them on the everyday. I am making a resolution to change and looking for some mantras to hold in my head to force myself to wear the nice things! Does anybody else do this or am I just bonkers?

Once I went for tea with a new friend at her house. She had put on an incredible table with beautiful linens and cups etc. I said she shouldn't have gone to so much trouble. She told me this is her every day set up for meals with her family. She then said 'what is the point of saving things for best? Are your family not your best? You should give them the best you have'. It really stuck with me. I chucked out my knackered crockery and got out the wedding China which had been stuck in a cupboard for 10 years. Use it every day and it still cheers me 2 years later. I've tried to apply it to clothes too.

My wedding China has a gold rim and I only use occasionally due to having to handwash

The saving for best is so british isn't it.

That comment about going to so much trouble is part of the same culture. It's part of self deprecation.

This thread has really made me think. This pervades so much of my life. Don't look like you try too hard. Plain will go with everything.....I even have this thing about perfume - that it's a gift - far too extravagant to buy for yourself so I go years without any!

It's batshit isn't!

It's hard to counter 'why are you so dressed up??' Though

I'm better at preaching than practising - I remark to my dds often 'if the first things to wear out are party shoes and wellies we are winning!'

@nevernotstruggling I agree, but hopefully people can’t be like ‘why are you wearing such expensive perfume?’

I am on a mission to use up all the bizarre gift tubes of handcream etc that languish around and then I might splash out on a nice body lotion from my favourite perfume.

I buy exactly what i want and use it, expensive perfume, makeup, skincare, handbags etc.
I always have done, my sister is the same, everyone deserves to feel good everyday!!

I'm usually like this but today I wore a new top, even though I barely left the house.

What are you waiting for, really?

Wow, I could've written this myself! Think mine stems from having many years of financial concerns so anything 'fancy' or a little more costly I'd keep for best because of not being able to afford replacements.
Now I'm no longer in that boat I still find it difficult to get out of the old way of thinking, but rationally, really, what are we waiting for? Things are there to be enjoyed, the money's already been spent and, especially with the likes of skincare and makeup, there's the chance the quality could be compromised the longer they're left so that'd be a double waste.

I think that's one of the main reasons @camillatopaz ! The idea of not being able to afford replacements. Or that replacements won't be available. Luckily, I should be able to replace things but there's still that fear that the situation could change. I don't know why it's so ingrained in me!

I don’t save things for best but DH does this with wine which means we’ve got lovely bottles waiting for a non existent special occasion that he won’t open even if we’re totally out if the standard stuff

@Rebelwithallthecause one thing I can say for certain is that I never do it with wine! Or champagne. These are the exceptions to the rule

I have used expensive moisturiser again this morning off the back of this thread.

I do draw a line at the best dinner service though. If we use it every day it will get broken and I can't replace the broken items. In my defence though we do use it every time we have guests for dinner/full dinner party (generally once every couple of months)/Christmas/birthdays and so it is used frequently. Plus it sits in my glass fronted kitchen cabinets and so is a decorative item too.

On the subject of being able to afford to replace things if they get used up/broken, can you actually not afford it, or is that just a mindset thing?

I grew up in a household where money was tight, and for a long time my instinctive response to spending money was I can’t afford it. I’ve really had to retrain myself to understand that I’m better off than my parents were, and it’s okay to spend money on yourself. On the other hand, if it really would be a problem to replace the item, should you have bought it in the first place? But since you have, it’s better to use it than have to buy an ‘everyday’ one as well.

Ok ladies I have used my expensive Aadvent calendar moisturiser today, I have used lots of stuff from the calendar but was kind of keeping this one (Ormizcova brand)... whyy? so thanks to you all, I am using it and my skin feels really nice and soft. The product won't keep after all, and the cumulative effect must be better when that special occasion finally comes.

I am WFH today but despite that, have put on some nice earrings as well, why not?

I do this too, with everything, it's so incredibly annoying and I don't know how to stop doing it. It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Off to read the thread now to see if anybody has managed to crack the problem.

There is a bit in Konmari about saving things for best. The whole book might be worth a read, I think it does come from a sort of hoarding mindset and I think the Konmari method is a good antidote to hoarding without being all "Minimalism is morally superior" which I usually hate. It definitely struck a chord with me - I found some old art/craft stuff that I had as a kid and "saved for best" - by the time I looked at it, I was all grown up, and while I could certainly appreciate that it would have been nice to use, I didn't have any urge to use it any more! And as an adult, if I wanted rainbow transfer paper or really intricate puzzle pad pages, I can just buy more I gave it all to DS1, who was about five, has nothing of my saving for best mindset, and used it all at once. I think that was sort of the lightbulb moment for me.

The thing is if you're denying yourself the thing now, you are no better off than if it's all gone because you've used it (or "wasted" it) - so in fact you might as well just use it. Then at least you've HAD the pleasure or enjoyment out of using it. That's what I tell myself, and I make sure to enjoy it when I do use it! The sparking joy thing from Konmari really does help with this, I find.

Also, even though we are fairly tight for finances, it doesn't mean that everything nice is absolutely impossibly out of reach and will be forever. If something runs out and I want more of it and can't afford it straight away, all I have to do is save up. It might take a long time, but eventually I will be able to have that thing again.

To counter the "Why are you dressed up?" thing - I get this. I tend to dress appallingly ie in totally mismatched slouch wear, with unbrushed hair, and spots from fiddling with my face, unless I absolutely have to. But occasionally I'll have the motivation and enthusiasm to put on something nicer, and then I'm eternally embarrassed by people saying "Oooooh, you look nice!" or "Wow that's different" - because to me it highlights that I'm not making an effort usually. But realistically that's not necessarily what they mean. You could try saying "I'm trying out a new look - what do you think?" or "Oh, just felt like a bit of glam today, why not?" Or perhaps try making smaller changes to your wardrobe to more slowly incorporate items that you have "for best".

A tip with expensive face cream etc... Sometimes it’s the packaging, glass jars, that I love, so I just refill when I’ve used up the good stuff. My face can’t tell the difference between posh stuff & own brand. Mostly it prefers coconut oil. Environmentally friendly too!

With clothes, I’ve often kept things for best, or parties. But, getting older, I’ve discovered that nobody cares what I’m wearing. I’ve sold most of my fancy dresses / vintage. Quality clothes look smarter, as well. I feel better in them. Still have the habit of buying in sales, though, and I find it hard to “spend” on something.

With food, I’m the worst. I’ll buy nice chocolate / biscuits & keep them in a special box. Then eat the supermarket treats that DH buys... Saving my good stuff for when I really “deserve it”. Been working my way through the collection, during lockdown, though.

The thing is if you're denying yourself the thing now, you are no better off than if it's all gone because you've used it (or "wasted" it) - so in fact you might as well just use it.

You could think of this like someone giving you a cheque for a present. You don't look at it and treasure it. You whop it in the bank. Except my DM was the sort who did occasionally do just that sort of thing, mostly with gift tokens, and years later they were found expired.

I read this in one of those twee little gift books you get at the checkout - title: What Life Has Taught Me, and I thought it was good:

Life has taught me that the special person I’m saving the good cheese for is me.

I think what this says to me is that not only are you worth it, but also that you’re the person most likely to appreciate the cheese.

@Peregrina exactly! You can’t have you cake and eat it

Sums it up perfectly.

I've been coming back to this thread on and off and I'm determined to go through my stuff that I've been keeping 'for best'. This morning I've discovered 3 bottles, still sealed, of Dolce & Gabanna Woman. It's wickedly expensive and I wear it every day but.. and this is the the crazy thing, I buy half bottles from ebay and use those instead.

Beautiful notebooks... gathering dust. I really need to get a handle on this.

Maybe for some of us who grew up poor (and continued poor!) there's a kind of delayed gratification thing? You know you've got that lovely dress in the back of the wardrobe, or that nice face cream, or that delicious champagne and just the knowing that it's there is enough to stop you wanting to wear/use/drink it?

I recently moved house, downsized massively and made the decision that I wouldn't keep stuff 'for best'. But I've still got my late dad's silver cutlery set that he got for fifty years service in its box on top of the fridge, rather than in the cutlery drawer...

We're going to use it for the first family meal when we all get together after lockdown!

I do this too. This thread has convinced me to buy the best when I can.

I remember an episode of 'Coronation St' 20 years ago or so. Les Battersby was presented with a bottle of Champagne on a significant occasion (think he'd been reunited with a long lost son who was quite well to do. The son presented Les, his long lost father, with the Champers).

Les said "Cheers! We'll save this for a special occasion!"

The writers certainly summed up the saving it for best mindset.

The old richest person in the cemetary adage.

Zaph I think you could be right - re growing up without much.

I'm not rolling in it now (but average salaries) but would prefer little of something good than lots of tat.