How to stop saving things for 'best'

[Nightlights]

I'm so terrible at this! I buy nice skin products and don't use them for ages for fear of running out and not being able to replace them. I buy nice clothes and don't wear them because I don't want to wear them out/waste them on the everyday. I am making a resolution to change and looking for some mantras to hold in my head to force myself to wear the nice things! Does anybody else do this or am I just bonkers?

I have been terrible for this over the years but am making a conscious effort to change as some lovely things I was keeping for some unknown reason were spoilt by the time I tried to use them. A fancy body lotion was a bit off, 2 very expensive candles I had been given had lost most of their scent, and for Fortnum truffles were out of date.

When it came to our wedding list china I deliberately chose something not too fancy as I knew I would be reluctant to use it (and be furious if DH chipped it!). We got really expensive cutlery though and as it’s pretty much bulletproof, we use that daily and I love it!

The only mantra which works for me is that you can't take it with you when you're gone.

DM has cupboards full of best China which never get used and when they do come out we're all terrified of breaking as we had it drilled into us growing up how much they cost. It's tough as they are beautiful and cherished but the angst when something breaks is something I can't deal with.

Nan on the other hand, had no time for such sentimentality. Stuff is for using.

As long you appreciate it when you use it, just crack on when it suits you!

I'm probably unhealthily the other way. Champagne? It's Wednesday! Let's have it! (Disappointed on Thursday). Expensive face cream? (Looks like a prune for rest of week at work).

However, I am quite good about using 'things' and rarely regret that. Have several pieces of really nice heirloom crockery that I get out all the time and if it breaks it breaks. DCs regularly sport my wedding veil round the garden and I figure someone might as well be using it rather than it attracting moths.

I found if I took really nice photos of said 'things' I was happier getting them out and using them knowing that if they broke or got damaged I would always have a nice photo of them as well as the memories of using them. So I'd recommend doing that.

I guess it ended up dumped as was very of its time in the 90s.

Eternal Beau goes for a fortune on eBay so I hope not!

I also learned a lesson with my first daughter. Always dressed her in plain stuff that I didn’t mind her spoiling. Then all the best stuff didn’t get worn. What was the point of that?

@Squidwitch Drink your champagne for VE day on Friday! I was going to say drink it on lockdown release day, but that's just putting it off yet again.

My DGM is like this, it's like she doesn't think she deserves these nice things, that they are somehow too good for her. It makes me so sad, every day should be your best day.
I have been using all of my lovely birthday toiletries and skincare during lockdown, give it a go OP it honestly being pampered 'just becuase' makes you feel just that little bit better about things.

I've got lots of fine China plates that I think were probably my nana and grandads wedding presents. It has gold leaf on the edges and is very pretty. I've had it for years in boxes, I use it most days now, the dishwasher is gradually fading the pattern away and obviously I can't put it in the microwave but I'm using it anyway as I'm pretty sure that when I'm dead, it'll all end up being thrown out.
I've got quite a bit of kitchen stuff of my nana, pyrex dishes, Mason & cash mixing bowl, I use them all the time and if they get broken, so be it, at least I've had the pleasure of them all these years!

My ex husband once asked me "do when's best"? I couldn't answer that one so although I appear to be a hoarder I try to use my things occasionally.

That should be "so when's best"?

I’m finding this thread fascinating; especially the amount of post to saying that they can’t bring themselves to light expensive candles… I am a reformed keeper-for-best-er — Konmari really helped me to parse my possessions and now I actively surround myself / use only what I really love.

*posters

I'm terrible for this. It's definitely something that has been passed down through the generations. When clearing out my gran's house after she died there were hundreds of perfect gloves, soaps etc, all kept for best. It was so sad that she didn't get to enjoy them when she was here. My mum does the same to lesser degree and I do the same to a slightly lesser degree, so it is being diluted through the generations.

To be honest I grew up with very little of my own and very little that was new or bought for me so I like the feeling of things being special or best. It does mean things don't get used as much as they should though.

I recently bought a salad spinner from John Lewis and I can't get over the wonder of how privileged I am (seriously!). I have a perfectly ordinary, functional item from what I consider a fancy shop, that I use all the time. I feel like I've made it in the world!

VE day champers all round! Everyone use your best on VE day, and then you will always remember it, and your children will remember you using it, and hopefully keep that mentality.

Can't believe eternal beau is popular again! I had a cousin whose entire kitchen was themed, including wallpaper, borders, kettle, chopping boards... I was like, wow... Being a proper grown up, not a teenager is gonna be amazing!!!

I use to be the same way. My perfumes started to go off, clothes didn't fit anymore and my beautiful handbags felt lonely and were never shown off. I learnt from then to use everything and wear all my clothes regardless of looking over dressed. If I feel good, then I'm wearing it. Life's too short

I used to be like this.

Now I tend to buy best most of the time and it brings me so much joy to use gorgeous skin products in lovely little jars and bottles, wear clothes made out of lovely material that fit well and cook and eat restaurant type food every day.

I don't buy a lot though. When I was younger I'd buy quantity over quality and end up with dried out mascara tubes, too many bottles of perfume, 6 different types of moisturiser, 10 mediocre bags, tens of pairs of cheap earrings etc.

Now I buy what I need, don't buy something unless I love it and use things up before I buy again. You need to tell yourself that you're worth it and things don't last forever either. Your skin may change, your shape may change, you may not like the style in a few years. Enjoy things while you can. If you can't buy them again for a while at least you will have enjoyed them now.

My mother did this. Every nice thing she ever owned was put away for "best". When she died , DD and I cleaned out her house, and there it all was. Gifts ( many from me) still only partly unwrapped, and put away. New clothes, still with the tags on, hanging in her wardrobe while she wore the same old half-dozen dresses every day for years. A dresser full of "good" china, all beautiful and never used by anyone.

DD and I made a vow after that cleaning day - we'd never keep anything "for best" again. Because if you do that, one day someone will come along after you've died and throw it all away.And not one single solitary person will have ever enjoyed the gifts, used the nice china, or worn the pretty dresses.

Use your nice things - enjoy them - appreciate them. You deserve them !

The thing that pulled me up sharp was when my parents, both with dementia, went into a nursing home.

When I was sorting out their house they too had so much stuff 'for best' including wedding gifts from 50 years before, never touched or used.

It struck me how they got no pleasure out of those items when they could, and also the sheer amount of money wasted.

...yes exactly, especially when they go on 'making do' with absolute tat, which ought to go in the bin.

I've never done this I find it odd is that odd?
I've bought going out dresses and hung them up for a time I will go somewhere to wear them but that's it.
I bought myself Estée Lauder for Xmas and I used it all by February and it's a luxury item for me why would I Save it for best the best is the now?
Why buy something and never wear it or having sitting there no I don't have anything for best ever I think that's just how I am though as a person I even used to find my presents as a child and Open them and ruin the surprise 😂

I kind of got this from my late mother too. Although I don't bother now

Perhaps it all stems from the era of 'Sunday Best' when people saved their one good item of clothing to wear at church every Sunday, because it was literally the only decent thing they possessed. And the 'best' china and cutlery would be brought out for high tea on Sunday, Easter Day and Christmas, or if there was another special event like a christening.

I save up and buy the best stuff that I can and then I use it straightaway. It makes me happy, and also like PP said, I feel grateful to have such things.

I used to keep "special" things for "special" occasions such as the good dinner service only used at Christmas. One Christmas my DD dropped and broke one of the Special Plates and then cried as she felt so bad as she knew it was A Special Plate. I then realised we were attaching too much importance to the wrong things and our priorities were wrong and The Special Plates are used every day.

(I recommend a website called Chinasearch if people also do this )

I also inherited some nice things and figure the original owners would be sad if they sat in wardrobes/kitchen cupboards, they would want me to take pleasure in them, so I use/wear them.

I wonder if today's times have a bearing on this. I have so many clothes I vacuum pack a Summer/Winter wardrobe and swap then over. This year I am on the shielding list and can't leave the house. I have thought "what's the point" in getting my Summer clothes out as I'm not going anywhere or seeing anyone. DH asked me who I was wearing the clothes for, myself or other people to look at. So I am in my garden in a nice dress and shoes and wearing my most expensive earrings

I have just opened and used the nice hand cream I got for my birthday last year.
My birthday is at the end of May.

What I'd be interested to understand, is why there was such a disparity between people's expectations of life (when they bought, or were given these things) and the reality? When did they think 'best' was going to be?

With all the 'nice china', did they expect to be giving dinner parties, then marry 'beneath them' into a social milieu that didn't offer that opportunity? Did entertainment fashions change, so that formal dinner parties, teas or even Sunday lunches of adequate status did not occur? Was there a recession? What changed?

There is definitely another side to this coin though, especially in the madly materialistic present, which is people buying stuff they covet but don't actually have any need or use for. A sort of irrational binge-buying. That's not 'saving for best', it's 'being a spendthrift'.

All I can say is that when my DM died and we had to clear out her stuff, her wardrobe was full of clothes with their labels still on, waiting for a “best” that never came 😢