Posting here for traffic... Unconventional wedding

[Purplesndteal]

After bagging my partner to get the ball rolling... We've agreed to have a fairly unconventional wedding. Our dog will play a major role and she'll even have guests. I'm.not wearing a dress and instead I'll be wearing ankle length smart trousers, converse, a t-shirt and my all saints leather jacket. He'll probably be wearing something similar. All t shirts will have tongue in cheek phrases in the vain of "I just got married and all I got was this lousy t-shirt". The guest one will say something like "just came for the open bar" etc...

Would people get it? Not that it matters but I don't what to end up with an "off" atmosphere if people don't get our extremely relaxed and jokey theme. Tia!

I don't think we'd be catering for anyone in particular apart from us

In the case @Purplesndteal you should do what you want. If your only consideration is what you and your DP want, then that's how it should be.

You don’t seem to want to engage with the dog issue, but another concern with multiple dogs running around and playing is that they can trip or inadvertently knock people off their feet, especially elderly people.

Glad you've ditched the t-shirt idea. It just sounds like cupboard clutter that will eventually end up in the rag bin.

Even your own t-shirts I'd ditch the slogans. I'd think in years to come they'd be cringeworthy.

If you want your guests to wear t-shirts you could mention that you'll be in t-shirts and it's casual dress. You could suggest concert / band t-shirts if people have them.
Don't say Smart Casual as there is nothing Casual about it, been caught out with that.

I'd also be wary of so many dogs. Theres a reason most places don't allow them. Are you going to employ a dog walker to take them all out for a long walk?

Pop badges 1980's style could be good. As place cards.

Yes, there would be a dog walker/minder on site.

So far the two most likely venues are a massive field with a marquee or the winery.

Most places limit the number of dogs, so it just it could just end up being ours as that's the only fair thing to do when taking all the other guests with dogs in consideration.

I was thinking about and most people (apart from the elderly /not so young folk) guests would get the theme.

If I invited anyone from work (music publishing company) they would all love it.

Everybody who knows us well knows that music is both our passion. I worked as a radio host, then music journalist and now this. He used to be in a band. So our family and friends wouldn't think it's odd.

The people who might not get it are the ones that I know through my congregation. They're super lovely and like family but they really don't know that side of us. I wouldn't feel comfortable not inviting them.

I think you need to re-visit your 'really relaxed' wedding as mentioned in your OP. None of what you're speaking of is relaxed at all - you're even going to rename drinks? Nothing you've mentioned is novel and exciting, you're just choosing from the same list of wedding stuff that everyone else is, but they have the good grace to recognize this and don't pretend to be different.

You are so seriously overthinking everything. Dogs - stick to just your own - and seriously don’t worry that your guests will fell left out if they can’t bring theirs, there’s no way I’d take my dog to a wedding - too much hassle and potentially quite upsetting for him with so many people, dancing etc.

Rather than starting with the “quirks” think about how you visualise the day going. It’s more usual to be thinking about food and venue than wedding favours at this stage.

It seems like you’re more worried about the appearance of being “cool” than having an enjoyable day

I'm an overplanner / overthinker with no experiy of weddings. I won't have a bridal party hen do/ etc... As I have no local friends (nothing that you'd say close anyways).

We did think of getting married in the county my partner is originally from (and easier for his mum to go) but then our guestlist would be of 15 as nobody would travel that far (8 hours from where we live).

So as much as we technically don't want to get married in this county we think it's best.

Although he has more experience with organising weddings he doesn't give too much insight as it's a bit odd to always reference his previous wedding.

As my close family as friends arent going to be present (apart from my mum, my dad might come but he has hypertension so long flights aren't recommended) and I can't expect for people to fork out £2k on intercontinental flights and accommodation we're having something that's still meaningful to me (and him) as that would help me not feel a bit bummed that my family and friends arent with me.

And yes I love the old folks from my congregation they're lovely and they're like family in a very, very particular way.

It seems like you’re more worried about the appearance of being “cool” than having an enjoyable day

Agreed.

We also thought of one the "elopement" packages out there, but they usually limit it to 12 (there are some sdog friendly ones).

But just us and his family are 12. My mom would make it to 13 and I'd have to invite my sister who then would take it to16.

I’m not being sniffy, it’s your day, do what you like, but there’s no way this is a relaxed or casual wedding. It’s a themed wedding like many a bride before you has had. There are many full on traditional weddings that don’t ask anything unusual of the guests. With a “normal” wedding people know what’s expected of them outfit wise etc. It might appear stuffy and not everyone is comfortable being dressed up but if you tell people to be casual then people don’t quite know what’s expected (do they really mean casual or just no hats? What if I go in jeans and everyone else is dressed up? What if I look silly? I’ve never been to a wedding in casual clothes, it doesn’t feel very special. I don’t suit jeans but I’ve got a lovely wedding guest dress I could wear..........) It’s no different to asking people to wear a certain colour or black tie or any other dress code. In fact most traditional “cookie cutter” weddings don’t have a dress code on the invitation at all. I guess what I’m trying to say is that in your quest to make everything alternative and relaxed you’ve got to be careful not to make things less relaxed for your guests.

Nearly Everyone getting married for the first time has no experience of planning a wedding - that’s not unique to you 🙄.

The thing is that all these little “jokes” are a talking point for about all of a minute - what’s important is the overall atmosphere. Generally with weddings that comes down to

1. Not making people wait around
2. Making sure you feed them well
3. Easy access to drinks

And that is the same whether your having an intimate meal for 5 or a flashy wedding for 500.

Well @taybert then what do I tell them if I'm not wearing a gown and nothing special but jeans and t-shirt? How do you go past that?

@Carol that's a given. When I used to host parties, that's what I always did. Plenty of food, plenty of drinks and everything was already set up

You don’t need to explain not wearing a gown. You’re surely much older than most brides anyway.

In which case there’s nothing for them to “get”. The thing is - an 80 year old is unlikely to turn up to a wedding in jeans anyway - and very unlikely to wear a themed t-shirt.

Just focus on having a nice day and enjoy it. Worrying about what dogs to invite is going way past bridezilla territory and into lunacy!

Also - when are you getting married?

I'm 35 yes slightly older but I wouldn't say by much!

The point is that the guest my feel overdressed when they see us, so maybe we should at least warn them about it.

Next year whenever it's cheapest! But possibly March or October

If it’s a smallish wedding just tell people that it’s casual and that you’ll be in jeans. Just like any other party, some will also wear jeans, some will dress up as that’s what they like to do for a wedding. If it’s fairly small just tell them.

For example I got married, outside, in winter - there was roof and heaters. Informally I made sure to tell people to bring a coat as they may need it for the ceremony - it didn’t need to go on the invite - me and my family just spread the word - you can do the same.

I’ve just rescheduled my wedding to next year- you may find it hard to get a weekend date for the next 18 months or so (it was May)

Why not elope, I’d that appeals to you? That’s what we did, then had a party when we came back. It wasn’t “wedding” in theme, and very much us.
And don’t think of that party ax your wedding day, as such, as others won’t anyway.

He doesn't want to. We're slightly more inclined to simply go to the registrar's and walk back to our place and have a reception in our patio.

Well I don’t really know what you should do, but that’s the point really. I get where you’re coming from and I understand what you’re trying to do and I’m not trying to slag you off or say you shouldn’t do it. I just know from experience that most people who start off saying they don’t want a traditional wedding because it’s too fussy and stressful, actually end up more stressed and with more work to do and often asking more of their guests in their attempt to circumvent usual practices. And that’s ok, lots of people do it, you just have to realise that and decide if that is what you want to do.

what do I tell them if I'm not wearing a gown and nothing special but jeans and t-shirt? How do you go past that?

Simply tell people that you will be wearing jeans, but you want everyone to wear whatever they feel comfortable wearing - there is no 'dress code'.

I don’t think folk need to know what you’ll be wearing, in advance. Just tell them that it’s casual dress for all.

@taybert i actually never said I didn't want a "normal" wedding because of the stress. It's circunstancial more than anything else.

I like organising stuff and don't find that stressful. I do find spending £££££ on people who aren't that close to us and who would probably not "get" the idea a but of a waste.

We're in a very funny position (we're lucky in others) that neither of us have a lot people to invite but as having something for 20 or for 50 doesn't make much of a difference.

That's why we're now more inclined to just walk to the registry office and come back home for drinks. We'll probably have a BBQ in the patio. If people want to come great, if not too.. some registry offices let dogs in, but otherwise maybe I can find someone to look after her while the ceremony is happening.

So we walk from our house to the office, get married, come back home for drinks.