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Original poster

Posting here for traffic... Unconventional wedding

151 replies

Purplesndteal · 01/05/2020 10:49

After bagging my partner to get the ball rolling... We've agreed to have a fairly unconventional wedding. Our dog will play a major role and she'll even have guests. I'm.not wearing a dress and instead I'll be wearing ankle length smart trousers, converse, a t-shirt and my all saints leather jacket. He'll probably be wearing something similar. All t shirts will have tongue in cheek phrases in the vain of "I just got married and all I got was this lousy t-shirt". The guest one will say something like "just came for the open bar" etc...

Would people get it? Not that it matters but I don't what to end up with an "off" atmosphere if people don't get our extremely relaxed and jokey theme. Tia!

OP posts:
Wired4sound · 01/05/2020 15:01

If you’re having an open bar op makes sure there is plenty of food to soak up the booze otherwise everyone will be hammered.

I’ve been to a couple of weddings in the last few years that have been a bit style over substance. Loads of decor but just chip butties for food, afternoon tea that was a couple of sandwiches and a cake each to last all day.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSeeingSouls · 01/05/2020 15:42

I sound like an ideal guest for you as I'm in my 40s with a Mohican so I see where you're coming from WinkMy DH wore jeans and I wore a basic maternity dress to our wedding (admittedly a couple of decades ago!) so we are definitely not cookie cutter wedding people.

But. (Sorry Grin) You ask "Would people get it? Not that it matters but I don't what to end up with an "off" atmosphere if people don't get our extremely relaxed and jokey theme"

The fact you ask this question - you know you have doubts! I think some parts of a wedding should be absolutely just simply about what the couple want - the ceremony and honeymoon mostly. But if you're throwing a party to celebrate you need to think about everyone else enjoying it not just yourself. Apart from the possible safety aspect of your dog's guests (can't believe I typed that Grin)mixing with small children...some people are just not going to get it.

I always think if you want a very individual specific niche-y kind of wedding, just elope and do it the two of you then you know that everyone there is definitely enjoying it Grin

If you want to go the route you are going, I would make it more a separate party to celebrate, then people aren't so bamboozled. If you are having a more formal wedding which has a seating plan the two styles (for me) aren't compatible. People won't get the "extremely relaxed" thing when they're being told where to sit and a formal invite etc.

You want to have a fun individual celebration party - totally go for it. Relaxed and jokey works for that. Invites and seating plans - not so much.

Also "after bagging my partner to get the ball rolling" worries me slightly, tbh. If you're begging (? Maybe you did mean bagging Wink) is he totally up for all this?

PS Also I think some unconventional people (for want of a better word, I really mean eccentric Wink) don't really get weddings. To me the ceremony itself is akin to a will writing or something legal. The party afterwards if you want one is a party and the two things are separate. I love to see people happy and smiling and in love but I hate a lot of wedding stuff like favours and decorated chairs and shit.

Maybe I'm not an ideal guest at all Blush

We got married mostly for legal reasons back then and surprisingly I really enjoyed it and I like being married (as much as a feminist does Wink) but I think people can have too much focus on the wedding not the marriage. Sometimes they seem more work than they should and perhaps yours may feel like that if you're worrying at this stage?

WeBuiltCisCityOnSeeingSouls · 01/05/2020 15:45

(Having said that, I went to a wedding where the wedding favours were lottery tickets and I enjoyed that).

Also, no one else is going to ask so I will Wink are you getting matching tattoos to celebrate? Or tattooed wedding rings? I think you should Grin

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General style & beauty Weddings
Purpleartichoke · 01/05/2020 15:49

As long as I don’t have to wear the provided tshirt at the wedding, I’d be happy to be a guest. Imagine the sizing issues. I’d much rather get instructions on a casual dress code and pick out an outfit I felt good in.

Original poster
Purplesndteal · 01/05/2020 15:50

Well actually @WeBuiltCisCityOnSeeingSouls ... It was "nagging". Anywho! The idea was that he didn't really care about timeframes whereas I'm more of the "getting things done" type of person. As much as I enjoy cohabitation and I know nothing really changes after the wedding I really just want to make it official!

I actually wanted to elope but he was against not telling the children and his mum... Then it was a complete chain reaction and ended up with 50+ guests.

I'd still be happier with my t-shirt outfit idea and the dog but hey a bigger affair was the compromise (who would have though so!)

OP posts:
copycopypaste · 01/05/2020 16:00

It's your day and if you like it then go for it.

We got married in jeans and T-shirt's, had haggis and chips from the local chippy for our wedding breakfast, and cocktail for after that Grin do what makes you happy!

Pogmella · 01/05/2020 16:33

OP if the kids are school age you probably need to plan the wedding around them tbh- you know your family but the idea that you thought eloping was OK sounds a bit off to me as someone in a blended family with 3 primary age DC.

Original poster
Purplesndteal · 01/05/2020 16:50

The kids are more or less the DJs and they have their own guest list. Their only request was that it was "instagramable" and a tiki bar with mocktails.

OP posts:
JohnFinlaysNewTeeth · 01/05/2020 18:11

A winery / vineyard doesn’t sound like it goes with the vibe you’re going for at all. Rock and Roll bride is great but they’re a lot more classy and coordinated alternative than what you’ve said. I think you need to decide what is most important to you and work from there rather than slap a bunch of different things together that don’t mix, as it’ll end up with a poor flow for the day and not be a laid back fun wedding you want, I’ll be cringe and awkward, especially as most of the guests aren’t into the same things you are. Are you going to be able to find a winery to accommodate a hoard of dogs too?

Original poster
Purplesndteal · 01/05/2020 19:00

We've found a local winery that's fairly dpg friendly. I think the only doggies that would be a "must" would be my dog's "guests" they're her litter brother and her "boyfriend" and they're all the same breed so all three would look super cute!

OP posts:
MoaningMinniee · 02/05/2020 12:52

I've sent you a private message.

Excited101 · 02/05/2020 12:59

Crikey! I’m a big believer in people doing what they want for their wedding... but you’ve totally lost me with the ‘doggie guests’!!

Original poster
Purplesndteal · 02/05/2020 14:29

Well Excited you'd have a fit to know that the children originally wanted to have a wedding of their own within our wedding.

OP posts:
Truthpact · 02/05/2020 14:39

You've gone from 'I never cared about getting married' to 'the venue has to match the theme' in less than a page.

You're going bridezilla.

If you don't care, you don't have a theme. You have a ceremony, and a bbq/buffet style get together after for your guests with music. You don't get concerned over silly details like what the guests wear.

If you don't care, keep it simple. You don't give out badges, t shirts etc. It's a get together for family where you happen to get married.

If you care, then stop pretending you don't. It's fine to care about your wedding! It doesn't make you insane. But I still wouldn't do badges or tshirts. It's tacky and most will just laugh at you.

Original poster
Purplesndteal · 02/05/2020 14:51

I didn't care about having one but since eloping isn't an option then I do care. Besides most of the ideas are joint (apart from the doggie) . Although now we want a karaoke

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 02/05/2020 16:08

It in danger of starting to sound like any other wedding planning where the couple think more about them than their guests in my opinion.

You're planning a theme that most of the guests won't get, saying it's casual but then having a seating plan for the ceremony, wanting participation from guests on things you're not sure they'll get etc.

The theme my be different, but it's the same principle as couples who have long breaks in the middle of the day for photos whilst having lots of young children bored in a country house, fancy favours that look nice for the photos but are really another piece of clutter for people's houses (who needs a napkin ring monogrammed with the couple's initials and wedding date?).

If you're wanting a casual wedding then that vibe comes first, and it's not something that comes from putting converse on and styling. A casual wedding is informal, no seating plans, chilled out ceremony with limited fuss, a relaxed reception where people can mingle.

Original poster
Purplesndteal · 02/05/2020 16:13

The idea of the a seating plan for the ceremony has been ditched (the only reason was for the t-shirts).

So no t-shirts, no seating plan at all. There's no participation for the guests either.

It's still all every much in flux as we're just brainstorming as we go.

OP posts:
PerspicaciaTick · 02/05/2020 16:15

Remember to tell your registrars about the dogs in plenty of time so they can try and make sure not to send out registrars with phobias about dogs.
Have guests tasked with looking after the dogs and taking them out if they decide they don't want to cooperate with the ceremony.

LolaSmiles · 02/05/2020 16:17

That makes more sense OP.

I love what I think you're trying to achieve, but think you're in danger of falling into the very weddingy traps you probably want to avoid.

For a chilled out wedding:

  • simple ceremony
  • venue that is easily accessible and suitable for the guests attending (and that should come before whether they're up for doggy guests)
  • enough refreshments, especially food
  • it doesn't have to be full of instagrammable details
Grumpbum123 · 02/05/2020 16:18

Do what you want I had the traditional church, reception, evening reception and pretty much hated every minute I felt out of my depth comfort wise and hated being the centre of attention I wish we’d had a much smaller meal and gone to a restaurant with let’s say 20 afterwards

Original poster
Purplesndteal · 02/05/2020 16:23

The doggies are a potential contention issue. He thinks "ours" is ok, but of she has guests, then our guests with dogs should be allowed to bring them too (which is fair enough).

OP posts:
Booboostwo · 02/05/2020 16:24

I think that a concert themed wedding would be fun, but it seems to me that a key ingredient is the band. A concern themed wedding where you watch the couple get married is a bit odd, doesn't quire work for me, sorry.

Booboostwo · 02/05/2020 16:25

P.S. I hope the guests' dogs all know each other, or you may have your hands full stopping fights and inappropriate interactions. Also, you need to warn your guests in advance about the dogs in case someone is allergic, phobic or just doesn't like dogs.

sammylady37 · 02/05/2020 16:43

Oh god, I’m with the pp who said this falls into the “I’m mad, me” category and is utterly cringeworthy.

As a guest I would absolutely hate to be given a t-shirt and yet would feel under pressure to wear it on the day.

This is way try-too-hard territory.

rosiepony · 02/05/2020 17:15

Best not to anthropomorphise the dogs and ‘doggie guests’. Could go badly wrong.