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Original poster

Honestly can't believe I'm even asking this

196 replies

nahnonever · 26/04/2020 15:35

My partner has skid marks in every fucking pair of pants he wears. How do I wash them without spreading germs everywhere?

OP posts:

eaglejulesk · 27/04/2020 09:53

Why even bother having two wash baskets? I'm sorry but I just find it strange that two people live together and do their own washing, as though they were flatmates! It's hardly the same as buying clothes, sorting car insurance etc. Do you cook your own meals as well?

peekaboob · 27/04/2020 10:00

This was one of the many reasons I ended it with ex-h. It got so bad that the smell would transfer onto jeans that were going 3/4 wears before washing. I refused to wash his clothes.

SueEllenMishke · 27/04/2020 10:01

We actually have 5 wash baskets in various parts of the house.
I don't see that as strange.
I very much see washing your own clothes as a personal chore. As soon as DS is old enough he'll be washing his own clothes too.

Food is different. That's shared. We don't share clothes.
Communal washing is done by whoever notices the wash basket is full. We've lived together for 6 years and it works for us.

DollysDrawers · 27/04/2020 10:03

Why should I do another adults washing???

Why would you not if you are putting the washing machine on? DH washes my clothes if he puts the machine on. Should we be separating out our clothes and putting two washes on instead of one? DS is almost 18, so that would mean three washes for three adults clothes. That sound very sensible and environmentally sound eh?

Do you just cook a meal for yourself as well? What if one of you is doing the shopping, do you just buy for yourself too?

Dodie66 · 27/04/2020 10:06

If they are white put a bit of bleach on the stains then put in the wash
My DH has a problem with leakage which he can’t help. He does wash his own pants though after putting a bit of bleach on them

SueEllenMishke · 27/04/2020 10:16

I've answered this question many times already on this thread dollydrawers
It's not a difficult concept to get your heard around.
There are no additional loads of washing, no extra water etc. We're not harming the environment so don't worry.
My DS will be doing his own washing as soon as he's old enough. He's 5 now and he already knows it's his job to make sure all his dirty clothes go in his wash basket.

Food is shared so different. I don't wear my DHs clothes. Laundry is a personal chore.

gingersausage · 27/04/2020 10:36

@DollysDrawers how does it mean extra loads though? Either way you are doing a wash when you have a full load - it makes no difference whose clothes make up that load.

I always split the washing into loads by person - it makes it way easier to fold afterwards, and there’s no trying to decide which socks are which. Everyone has their own laundry basket, and when it’s full it gets washed.

Drivingdownthe101 · 27/04/2020 11:30

I don’t see why SueEllenMishke is getting such a hard time. All our washing goes in together, but if they’ve got a system that works for them then what’s the issue?

DollysDrawers · 27/04/2020 11:38

@DollysDrawers how does it mean extra loads though? Either way you are doing a wash when you have a full load - it makes no difference whose clothes make up that load.

Actually that's true enough @gingersausage, it doesn't mean more washing I guess. But I'm certainly not a fan of having dirty clothes in the wash bin for longer than a day or two. It would take a week to fill one laundry bin up with my clothes, even with new clothes every day and I don't really like that. Once they're dirty I want them washed rather than sitting in the basket for days.

@SueEllenMishke I've re-read my own post, and I can't see where I said I thought it was a 'difficult' concept to get my head around. I just think it's odd not to muck as a family. Anyway, as you say it works for you so it doesn't really matter what others think.

SueEllenMishke · 27/04/2020 11:48

This is our way of mucking in as a family. We both work full time in very busy jobs so don't have the time to be doing a wash every couple of days and it's really not necessary.

FlamingoAndJohn · 27/04/2020 12:02

How people manage the washing in their home is their choice. However I think it’s wrong to run a woman down and say that she shouldn’t be washing the clothes for her household.
If it works for you that everyone has their own washing basket and washing is done by the individual then that’s great, crack on.
But please understand that for most households there is one washing basket and washing is separated by type, not owner. Who does the washing is up to your household, just like the way the other chores are separated.
I strongly dislike this idea that someone, who is a woman, who takes on the laundry as their job in the household is a let down to other women.

DollysDrawers · 27/04/2020 12:02

We both work full time in very busy jobs so don't have the time to be doing a wash every couple of days and it's really not necessary.

As do most people.

But like I said above, if it works for you, it doesn't make a difference what other people think particularly people you don't know on the internet.

catwithnohat · 27/04/2020 12:03

Has he got piles?

SueEllenMishke · 27/04/2020 12:13

Flamingo at what point has anyone said that a woman doing the laundry is letting other women down? I just believe its one of those things you should be personally responsible for as soon as you are old enough.

Although, i suspect there aren't nearly as many men who are taking on full responsibility for the household laundry as there are women. In fact i'd bet money on it.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 27/04/2020 12:24

Just opened this thread while I'm eating my lunch. (not envy)

ghostmous3 · 27/04/2020 14:25

Maybe he has fecal incontinence or has another medical issue that he cant help. Instead of calling him a disgusting pig maybe find out why he does it and then gently suggest he washes his own pants if it disgusts you so much

Truffleshuff · 27/04/2020 14:25

Even if he does have piles, he must notice there are skids and should be washing them himself surely?

GingerScallop · 27/04/2020 15:38

Does he have a medical issue? Anal tags? Piles? Feacal incontinence? I think if you don't know why this is happening the first step should be having a compassionate talk with him. It's not easy to talk of faecal incontinence due to the stigma (just see the responses here). Part of that compassionate discussion can then go to how he can best help you in cleaning the underwear. Could he do it himself? Could he use a portable bidet or the special adapted shower heads (we call them bum guns. Common in Asia). Does he need to be shaving butthole hair etc Perhaps adding fibre to diet or seeing a doc. The ultimate solution depends on the underlying problem and will likely be a combination of things.
Good luck

Original poster

nahnonever · 27/04/2020 18:14

Please read the whole thread... at no point did I call him a disgusting pig. Or say he needs to wash his own pants because he disgusts me.

What some people are not understanding is that this post is for laundry advice. Not relationship advice or medical advice, or trying to understand why I do his washing and he doesn't do his own.

He has a medical issue which I have explained, we are not embarrassed to talk about it, he is not embarrassed, I am not too disgusted to wash them for him- it's not the issue I am posting about. I just wanted to make sure I am cleaning right... that is all!

Have fun on this post, most of this has had me laughing. But come on keep it lighthearted at least if your going to go off topic

OP posts:

ghostmous3 · 29/04/2020 22:13

Apologies op

However I think if you had explained the issues in your op then a lot of the answers might not have been so snippy. Your op did come across as being pissed off your dp was living skiddies on his underpants and without explaining why. An ex also had problems but I never minded washing them. He washed my period pants for me when it was his turn to do the washing.its just what we did

Original poster

nahnonever · 30/04/2020 06:32

@ghostmous3 no worries. I realise that now 🤣

OP posts:

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