For those who are 'well off', how did you get there?

[Ivyy988]

By well off, I mean comfortable enough to not have to worry about money, can buy luxuries, go on holiday etc.

I'm a single parent, study at a good uni (will have my degree next year), but come from a fairly poor family and I really want to never have to worry about money.

I'm not skiled in anything particular, but have a lot of motivation, am very good at saving (although there isn't a lot to save on a student loan) and mainly buy second hand etc.

What is the best way to get there? Am i best of looking for a graduate jon and working my way up? continuing in education? What things helped you get there? (other than inhereted money or where you had a large amount to begin with).

This is fascinating!!!

My story is.....abused child, middle class family where we had plenty growing up, but then father got in financial trouble and that was it.

I got my first job at 13 and never stopped working. I went to university in the 90s and worked all the way thro in bars. Summer camp USA etc. Got a well paying job in final year which brought in good money at weekends. But degree has proved useless in terms of making money. But I did learn that work is the secret to success. And independence.

But I had no guidance whatsoever and dearly wish I had.

I am a saver however and my first boss was as tight as, and he said once, what on earth will you do if something bad happens to you? You've got literally no one. Youd better get an ISA etc.

That mindset, save and invest, helped a lot.

Then work wise.....IT at first, which was well paid but soulless.

Switched to social care which is worthwhile and ticks a massive box in my heart, but I have to work weekends and never have very much money.

Boyfriends.
Wish I'd had advice there too. Since I had no one, I often settled. Not bad men but not good for me either. Just not right. Two years here, four years there. Showed me that my judgement has been off.

Bought myself a bottom end flat 13 years ago, mortgage now very manageable and due to location, when we sell, the equity will go a long way.

Next boyfriend, pretty wealthy guy, still made us pay halves on most things so going out with him cost me. Left him in early 40s.

I began to worry about whether I could survive like this, carry on on the treadmill.

Now ......I have a new partner who is a hard worker. Because we live together costs are very low, allowing us to save and me to overpay the mortgage. We don't want children which helps. I insist on saving as much as possible.

But I wish I'd had better advice when younger. Just someone would have been nice actually. And I wish I'd gone for promotion and been more thoughtful about my career. I did publish a book though.

@something2say ahhh you’ve done great!

I was raised by middle class hard working parents that taught me strong values. I have always been really competitive so tried to get the best grades, best jobs, promotions, etc. I worked 3 jobs throughout university (while also partying my butt off lol) and graduated debt free. I have never left a job before having a new and better job lined up. I was lucky to meet my wonderful hard working DH in my early 20s and we both already owned small houses so we had a lot of equity built up by time we got married and had kids and bought our family home together. We both love shopping and traveling but despise debt so it's always a balance of doing/buying what we want yet being careful and practical with finances. We aren't into fancy labels and we buy for quality. My husbands career brought us overseas so I am taking this time to step back from my own HR career to raise our 3 young children. Earning an income is always in the back of my mind and I am completing my Masters Degree online while casually job searching just in case something flexible and interesting comes up. I think you should always be thinking 3-5 years into the future and plan your finances accordingly (ie, plan ahead for mat leaves/baby expenses/school fees/ new cars, etc.). Always pay yourself first. If you set aside even £250 every month starting early 20's it really adds up! Most of all, choose your life partner very very carefully!! Find someone with a good work ethic, someone who is financially/ emotionally and socially stable who has similar goals and values to you. If they can maintain a job, friendships, a safe and clean and cozy place to live then they are likely someone you can depend on in the long term. This has all led us to a comfortable lifestyle but we are not multi-millionaires. We own 2 homes back in our home country that we rent out and are renting a 5 bed detached here while we are expats. Our 3 kids go to private school & we have one car. We travel 3-4 times a year but search for seat sales, use points, cram 3 kids into a bed, etc. It's not the Ritz lol. We maybe go all out once a year but the rest of our trips are frugal and I like the challenge of planning a great trip on a budget and the work and research that goes into it. To be truly wealthy (without family money), I think you have to be extremely lucky or more likely you have to work crazy hard, make sacrifices and be willing to take risks. I think that's a whole dif topic..

@MarieQueenofScots I don't think anyone meant that marriage is essential for success, but rather that if you do marry then having the right partner is key. My own observations fit in with this. I have several friends and family members who I would say have married "badly" and have suffered financially as well as emotionally as a result. If you are going to marty, I think it is key that it is to someone with the same kind of lifestyle and aspirations plus broadly similar opinions on major issues such as financial management. I am sure it works for some, but all the people I know personally who have married people who are very different to them have ended up unhappy one way or the other.

I wouldn't marry someone just for money as physical attraction is very important to me. However I wouldn't marry someone good looking but with no ambition etc.

The first post in this thread is great. No more children for now. Don’t get involved with anyone who doesn’t share your values and ambitions

Study hard, get onto a graduate scheme as quick as you can. Work your butt off to move up as quickly as you can. Good luck!

A mixture of desire to leave my upbringing in poverty and luck of being my age.

I am 41. Meant I suffered poverty where if you couldn’t pay your electric or water you were cut off. We were cold and hungry most of the time. Also meant I benefited from a grant once I got to Uni age. I then bought a house as soon as I left uni at 22. I didn’t have children til I was 33, meaning I worked my way up to HoD as a teacher on UPS before stepping down.

I really hope this doesn’t sound like a boast. I’ve suffered a lot in my life. I just want to realise sometimes circumstance are out of your control. It’s not what you ‘did’ or ‘not do’, it’s just life.

Poor upbringing.....
Took every ‘opportunity’ at work (you know, the stuff no one else wanted to do)
Took career risks and applied for jobs outside my experience/ qualifications
Paid for interview coaching and an ou degree
Frugal with money and paid off my mortgage
No kids

I came from a normal background, did a joke degree and then took a punt on an HR graduate traineeship when I finished. Worked hard, made some clever moves which covered both generalist and specialist roles and 20 years later am a Director in an HR specialist role earning c£120k.

There is no magic formula, I didn't work harder than anyone else but I took a couple of chances, and to be honest put a lot of hours into a career that is OK but I've never been passionate about. I will never be one of these 'I love my job' people but it's ok and I haven't got to the point where I can't face getting out of bed in the morning, so for the time being I am ploughing money into savings/mortgage/pension so when I do eventually burn out (which will happen) I have options....

I think it is also about not wasting money. I know a few people who are broke and in debt despite having a household income of over 100K. I also know of other people who had average jobs with what I think is quite low pay and looked after every penny and invested every spare thing they had. Now retired, they own a nice house and one overseas and have a great time with spare cash to enjoy.

@LongPauseNoReply what was the name of your thread? Would absolutely love to read your story, you sound so inspirational!

Financial security is all about giving yourself and your family options.

Having the option to work part-time for a while, to retire a bit early, to find something you're passionate about like an extension or house move or private education. Having some spare cash so you can find the kids to do a Masters or an unpaid internship, or help with a house deposit.

Lack of options and being forced down a route you really don't want, due to financial necessity, doesn't matter some of the time, but often does and makes us slaves to finance.

What a luxury to be able to retire early or buy a holiday home.

How? It's about firting your expenditure to your income, so there are surpluses in the early years and using those surpluses to pay down debt and build savings which give options later on. So often, people with lots of options in their 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s lived frugally in their 20s and 30s and possibly beyond. It's still possible today, but the debt culture of student loans etc mean many younger people have less f a 'wait and save for it' attitude and moan of a 'borrow and have it now' attitude, which is understandable when they already have lots of debt.

House prices today, esp in south east make it increasingly hard to get on housing ladder young and pay down debt/mortgage without family help. Some people on here buck the trend, but in the main it's harder today.

Some people find it easier to be a bit frugal than others it seems. Some love the latest phone, or a new car every 3 years or expensive holidays. Some find money burns a hole in their pocket and if there is spare they want to spend it. Others are much more money savvy and quite simply, satisfied with less material stuff. I guess it's to do with personality type, upbringing and values.

Whether you will be wealthy at 40/50/60/70 largely depends on how wealthy your parents were when you were born.

There is very little social mobility in this country and we are in mass denial about it.

Largely maybe, but not inevitably.

The OP is asking how to avoid ‘inevitable’.

Which is an excellent start.

Interested in the wait to have DC perspective. I had 3 in my 20s and then a last at 31. I think that has massively helped my career.

When the DC were babies I was young enough to manage on zero sleep, hadn’t earned much so didn’t feel the loss of salary etc.

Ten years later no one remembers the time off I had and my DC don’t need the support toddlers do. Meanwhile I seem to be surrounded by older parents who are really struggling.

I agree about the lack of social mobility, but also think the extent to which it exists varies over time.

Yes, it has always played a vital role. Many of the posters of this thread talk about reasonably affluent backgrounds and meeting men who were doing well - many of whom would have had reasonable affluent backgrounds too. They are quite a few on here too that had backgrounds of poverty and have gone onto be secure, if not wealthy. But most of those lived in times when house prices were lower and could get on the ladder younger and become more secure.

No social mobility is reducing again. Buying a house without parental help, in many areas of the country, is if not impossible, very very difficult. The fact some under 30s are on here saying they managed, doesn't mean it is possible for all. Ere is a growing divide if those who have parental help and those who don't. And that will feed into the next generation. If you rent all your life and continue renting when retired, it will be hard to amass savings to pass onto your children for house deposits. Plus, pensions for those under 40 will be so much worse for many people.

I'd agree that background has always been a key factor for those who are wealthy. The Op is interested in being secure not necessarily wealthy, but even being properly secure and having options (that I mention earlier) will be harder from very many backgrounds in future. Society is becoming more polarised.

I think it depends on your particular circumstances PegasusReturns. I didn't have children til I was in my 30s, largely because we didn't want them before then really, but I suspect I wouldn't have reached yhe same level career wise if I had had them sooner. I had to do a lot of post graduate exams, and I honestly don't think I could have managed working the hours that I was doing and then coming home to study, plus look after children. Aside from the impact on my career it just wouldn't have seemed right to me, I would never have seen them. We had the added complication that we were living close to my DH's work at the time and I was working about 60 miles away so I had long commutes. We also have no family support. So all in all I don't think having children earlier would have worked for us, but I don't think it is a universal truth that it is better to wait. I can see advantages and disadvantages either way.

OP, just a word on grad schemes. If you apply for ones in retail banking, with the big insurers, in the public sector and/or with the large retail chains then generally I think you can make a 9-5 approach work.

Many of these companies are wanting to see more diverse cohorts coming through their grad schemes, and there's a lot more awareness now that if you're a company that wants diversity then you have to be more thoughtful about working practices.

Also, working life is becoming more flexible. If you have the ability to work from home then you can catch up for a couple of hours in the evening if it's needed.

My tip if you're looking for a good work life balance is look for roles where your company is the client and not the service provider. So if you want to do accountancy, do it at a retail bank or major grocer, for instance. Don't do it at a consultancy firm.

Also, take trade offs into account. For example, in my industry tech firms will pay more, but the other benefits such as pension are often less good. Also the extra base salary is often compensation for the risk you take working for a less established company.

Good luck! Diversity in my view should be one of a company's greatest strengths, so never feel bad for having taken a different route to others.

What did you study? What career do you want to go into? I was a single mum at university and after university went into accounting and studied and became qualified. Working at companies to get experience and then either getting promoted or leaving for promotions. Don’t stay in a role for longer than 2/3 years if you are wanting to climb quickly. Study a qualification in the evenings. I’m now top of my career I left university 15 years ago.

I had a good upbringing and went to private school. I’ve worked my ass off doing 12-18 hours days and 6 days weeks. Even when heavily pregnant. Even with new borns, even when friends going out and having fun, even when ill, even when I didn’t want to. I’m now quite “well off”. By contrast my peers from (private) school are largely in jobs they could have done at 16 with no qualifications. So in my experience back ground is not a given for success but having work ethic instilled into you is key.

@MrsAvocet the OP already has kids, the person you are quoting and myself are just saying that we managed to do well despite having children young. I'm not saying I'd recommend it that way, but there certainly are plenty of benefits too like what has been quoted, so hopefully our stories can help the OP rather than get into the pros and cons as she can't undo the kid/s she has!

It is different for young people now. My two eldest have graduated. They are decent but not spectacular earners, they are both savers, they both have a loose 5 year career plan.

But giving them each a house deposit will be a massive leg up and will put them in a much better position than loads of their peers.

@2kool4skool very interesting and inspiring to hear. I agree about work ethic! It usually starts from early on.

Luck, I think.

I grew up in care so never had anything belonging to me (and I mean nothing - when I moved foster homes my belongings including clothes fit inside a black bin bag). I went to live with adoptive parents at 10 and they pushed me, encouraged me to work hard and my Dad was always very open about money and saving - he taught all of us that we must take care of ourselves but instead of just talking the talk, he actually taught us practical ways to do so.

I went to University, got a well-paid job by accident after leaving and stuck with it til I worked out what I wanted to do. I saved diligently for a deposit for a house, the day I went to complete the mortgage my Dad gave me my deposit back - he did the same for my siblings and always matched what we saved. It meant I was able to do up the house with his help and eventually sell it for a huge profit.

DH and I bought our house together and we chose a less costly location but bigger house, which means we can afford lovely holidays, cars and all the usual treats. We both work hard but his background is very different to mine - private schools and affluent parents bordering on crazy rich, but he's also incredibly hard working and has a job he's obsessed with.

So, luck, a bit of hard work, and marrying someone whose Dad was minted. That's my story.

I don't for one second believe that people who've grown up in extreme poverty can simply work their way out of it - MIL (who grew up very well off) believes that poverty is equal to laziness and it's a disgusting belief handed down from generation to generation of some rich families that makes me want to vomit. Fortunately DH isn't a twat about money and has a social conscience. I don't think I'd have married him if he was like MIL.

@FudgeBrownie2019 Happy that your life worked out for you. So many kids in care don't get a happily ever after, you seem very aware of your good fortune.