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Original poster

Dirty little secret

120 replies

omgggggggggggg · 20/04/2020 13:13

Hi

Hope everyone's doing ok

I've read on here before about weird feet fetishes and weirdos buying worn manky shoes on eBay for good money.

Well I had a nosey on eBay to see how rank they really were and how much they were going for

Don't know what come over me as it is just not me as a person to do so thing like that.

But I've only gone and fucking listed a pair of my old sandals on eBay

Didn't think nothing more of it checked this morning and I've got 11 messages from different people asking all sorts. How old they are. How much I've worn them etc. Telling me I've got pretty feet.

Half of me feels repulsed with myself. The other half feels like it's quite funny cheeky and harmless way to make a few extra ££

I darent tell DH hed hit the roof

He earns really bloody well but I have barely any money of my own once bills are done. Can't even put petrol in the car unless he's filled it up whilst he's used it. I'm so excited that I might actually have a few quid of my own to save up in secret

If you were me would you carry on and not mention it? Or stop being a stupid idiot and delete my eBay account?

OP posts:
Original poster
omgggggggggggg · 20/04/2020 15:05

Thanks everyone for your messages and suggestions.

I know what I need to do. I know he's abusive. I know he's a cunt. I'm safe in the fact I've never been hit. I don't think he has it in him. I could be wrong.

He's never ever so much as raised his voice in the same room as our toddler.

I'm too scared to go women's aid. I don't like the unknown. It scares me more than anything

My plan for now is to save save save as much as possible. My toddler starts nursery soon. Well. As soon as schools are open. Then I can start something part time. Cash in hand if possible. Even cleaning or the like as he won't know he'll be at work. We don't have a house phone

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 20/04/2020 15:09

You can pick up the phone and chat to Women's Aid, they wont tell you to leave or involve the police. They;re only there to support you, they'll have some good advice about making a realistic plan.

IHaveAMagicBean · 20/04/2020 15:11

Not read the full thread but be honest, tell DH you’re selling some old shoes and bags. Not lying, clear conscience.

UnaCorda · 20/04/2020 15:35

So he's controlling with everything from finances to what you choose to sell on eBay?

Hope you manage to extricate yourself from the unpleasant bastard.

Poppi89 · 20/04/2020 15:52

OP if you are not afraid of him raising his voice or hitting you, can you not sit him down and have a conversation with him that you think it's unfair you don't have any money left over after bills? Or that you are going back to work and will be looking for childcare after the pandemic is over?

If your relationship is good apart from that you don't have much money left over once you've paid your bills it seems like a simple solution that you get a better paid job.

Does he earn a lot? Or do you stuggle financially as a family?

Embracelife · 20/04/2020 15:53

Everyone has it in them to hit. Especially when they about to be left. Make a,safe exit plan dont think he wont hurt or assault you. Assume he will.

Notredamn · 20/04/2020 15:59

Trashed shoes don't actually go for a lot on EBay.
You need a plan to leave the abusive arsehole.

SillyMoomin · 20/04/2020 16:06

@IHaveAMagicBean well maybe you should read the full thread Hmm

As it’s not just about selling old shoes ffs

Original poster
omgggggggggggg · 20/04/2020 16:09

@goingtotown I don't care if you believe me or not. Ask MN to check my posting history. Bits and pieces will add up together.

I'm trying to be a bit vague and tripped over myself

He's not my DH. He's my partner and we're supposed to be getting married with no date set.

My mum is a religious catholic and just took her religion to an extreme the older she's got. My dad goes along for the peace.

Not that I'm looking for your approval but do u want pictures of my fucking bank statements to show you? Do you want a picture of the dashboard in my car to show the empty tank because he hasn't needed to drive anywhere in the last month? Therefore I don't need to drive because I can walk. I don't have the money to pay for that.

He sends me money every pay day. Says it's my share. But after my share of the bills I got fuck all left

Everything else he has is in cash.

I got FUCK ALL. No money. No family. No friends. No fucking will to live

OP posts:
Aknifewith16blades · 20/04/2020 16:10

OP, coercive control is a crime. And the most dangerous time for a woman (the time when she is most likely to be killed) is when she leaves. Call or text Women's Aid and get some help and support. You don't have to live like this.

Poppi89 · 20/04/2020 16:16

What does he work as?

As he gets paid cash it would be hard to prove how much he is earning so he could potentially say he is giving you half of what he earns.

Also as you are not married I don't think he has any legal right to give you any more money other than what covers the bills, child's clothes etc.

Do you think it is a money issue that he is controlling? Or does he not put petrol in so you don't go anywhere?

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 20/04/2020 16:21

OP, does your DP know that you don't have enough once you've paid your bills?

Original poster
omgggggggggggg · 20/04/2020 16:22

I'm not allowed out unless my toddler comes with me. Or if I do go on my own I've got an approximate time limit. Il get continuous phone calls to check where I am.

My phone isn't private. He goes through it all. So as long as I clear my history delete apps and log out I'm ok. He's not the most tech savvy.

It's his own small business. Mostly gets paid in cash so whatever he keeps goes in his pocket.

If he gets in the car and it's empty he'll only put in a tenner or so depending on where he's going how far. He has money. His family has money. He's got 40k in cash at his mums house alone and that's only what I know about because she slipped up In convo in front of him

I'll have asked for more. I don't deserve it. I don't work. But he won't let me get a job. I done a online college course and all he told me was I'm a dumb fuck and wasn't going to pass. Then I couldn't use his laptop so had to stop

OP posts:
dickiedavisthunderthighs · 20/04/2020 16:30

I know you've said you don't want to call Women's Aid or your family but what will change if you don't?
Is this the environment you want your child to grow up in?

MuchTooTired · 20/04/2020 16:34

Who buys the stuff you use day to day? If you’re allowed to internet shop/can be in charge of arranging the insurances you could try Quidco and topcashback - he’ll never know you used it and it’ll pay out to your PayPal.

He really does sound a complete and utter cunt, I hope you manage to get out safely and speedily.

MuchTooTired · 20/04/2020 16:37

Ooooh, and I just thought if you shop in cash mainly - you could buy stuff and show him the receipts then return some stuff maybe? Like big packs of nappies that sort of thing? Could stick an extra tenner or so in the funds every so often.

Fenlandmountainrescue · 20/04/2020 16:52

Please do not listen to anyone who says you should marry him so you have finances when you leave. This is not a given. Leaving is hard enough, without having to fight a divorce through the courts.

I do hope that you get the confidence to leave. Its a very worrying situation.

Poppi89 · 20/04/2020 16:59

I thought it may have been just a money issue but even if you he gave you more money then the relationship would still be crap.

Is he still going out to work?

I would ring women's aid as soon as he goes out and ask if they cover the cost of a taxi to get to a shelter. Then once you're out you can apply for UC and then once the pandemic is over you can go back to your well-paid job.

DesparadoNewlywed · 20/04/2020 17:37

Gosh this started pretty interesting and light-hearted and took a wild turn. Hope you're ok OP. Sounds like a pretty horrible situation to be in if you're having to consider s3x work and such. Flowers

HeartyGreenSalad · 20/04/2020 17:41

I hope everything works out for you OP

GeraniumJohnsonsBlue · 20/04/2020 17:41

I know you said your family disowned you for having a child out of wedlock but would they take you back home if they knew how he was treating you?

MsTSwift · 20/04/2020 17:44

Everything about your posts is upsetting and wrong. How has your life come to this? You need to leave as soon as you are able get back to work and restart your life.

BaroleCaskin · 20/04/2020 17:45

@GeraniumJohnsonsBlue seriously? If her parents disapprove of her enough to shut her out of their lives for having a baby out of wedlock and refuse to have anything to do with her or their grandchild I doubt they will welcome her back with open arms due to her relationship break down!!! They hardly sound loving and caring do they!

MsTSwift · 20/04/2020 17:46

Appreciate easier said than done but you can’t stay he is abusive and frankly sounds quite mental

GeraniumJohnsonsBlue · 20/04/2020 17:48

It's not relationship breakdown is it? It's abuse! Quite different.

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