Dirty little secret

[omgggggggggggg]

Hi

Hope everyone's doing ok

I've read on here before about weird feet fetishes and weirdos buying worn manky shoes on eBay for good money.

Well I had a nosey on eBay to see how rank they really were and how much they were going for

Don't know what come over me as it is just not me as a person to do so thing like that.

But I've only gone and fucking listed a pair of my old sandals on eBay

Didn't think nothing more of it checked this morning and I've got 11 messages from different people asking all sorts. How old they are. How much I've worn them etc. Telling me I've got pretty feet.

Half of me feels repulsed with myself. The other half feels like it's quite funny cheeky and harmless way to make a few extra ££

I darent tell DH hed hit the roof

He earns really bloody well but I have barely any money of my own once bills are done. Can't even put petrol in the car unless he's filled it up whilst he's used it. I'm so excited that I might actually have a few quid of my own to save up in secret

If you were me would you carry on and not mention it? Or stop being a stupid idiot and delete my eBay account?

I also think it’s worth posting again in the Relationships Board, where you’ll get good advice on an exit strategy.

There are websites specialising in selling well worn stuff (so you won’t get banned on Ebay), but think carefully first about doing that. I wouldn’t care about exploiting pervs, but worry it may affect your self esteem etc, together with what you’re dealing with at home.

Good luck

Okay the one good thing is if you paid the deposit then it should be safe, the landlord should have put it in a properly sorted separate account. You may just need to make sure that whatever happens it comes back to you.
You are being financially abused. Contact Women's aid for advice - you can do that whilst "shopping", and remember some shops can have an hour long queue if you time it right.
Would your parents/family help if you went to them?
What about previous employers? I would try to reach out to anyone who knew you professionally before (make a secret new email if necessary).
You can do this.

Ring Women's Aid

I was being succinct OP . I sincerely hope you make it .

I sold some shoes last year - to avoid bans and removals you just have to be very very bland in how you describe them and emphasise that they'll be thoroughly cleaned before dispatch. (Then you get messages from buyers saying don't worry about cleaning them so you go Oh Ok.)

I honestly suggest you don't answer too many questions on the messaging side as they get really fecking weird really fast.

You can make money from nudes and camming etc, years ago I made a bit of money that way but honestly as others have said it's more a problem with your relationship and it's a rabbit hole that is easy to get stuck down and you end up doing more and more extreme things as the weirdness starts to seem normal. I put myself in really dangerous situations even though in the main I wasn't even in the same room as the person. Mentally it plays havoc too. I ended up being manipulated so much to do more and more sordid things and I look back and wonder where my brain went and feel really quite humiliated. It's almost like that persona becomes an alterego and the normal sanity rules don't apply and that can open the door to all sorts of shite. Be careful OP and hope you can get some financial independence soon, or rethink this relationship x

Think about other things you can ebay

I think less ebay and more womens aid would be helpful.

Depending on where you are in the country you may be able to get a place in a women's refuge and get your independence that way. I understand you can't leave without money but I don't think you can stay either in the long term.

Kids clothes are brilliant to sell on eBay.
Sending you lots of luck and hope you can get away soon.
Some brilliant advice on here.
Take care.

More concerned over your joint finance arrangement tbh.

Are you ok op? If what you’re saying is true, you need to leave. Ring women’s refuge. They’ll help you find somewhere.

In terms of the practicalities of getting the money out of ebay, whether for shoes or toddler clothes, is it the toddlers account registered with paypal? Otherwise if you have to withdraw to your own account and then transfer to toddler's won't your partner see when he goes through your statements? You might be better off leaving the money in paypal for now.

@omgggggggggggg
Please do not marry this man.
He sounds ghastly.
Your family sound so judgemental too .. ''Pregnant out of wedlock''?
That attitude is shocking.

Your partner sounds horrendously controlling... Money is 'freedom', and he knows it.
What a horrid man not to even give you 'housekeeping' to spend as you wish..
Re shoe selling to pervs...I'd not want to do it..if they wanted to ''return'' the shoes for a refund, they'd be given your address...you do not want that.

I have had to return a couple of broken in post things on ebay, and the seller's address comes up on the label ebay gives you.

These foot fetishists might do grim things with the shoes then send them back and then that could put you in danger not only from them but your partner.
Escape while you can, OP... before the Marriage!.

There are 2 problems here and you are well aware of them.
If you want to sell the shoes you can, they 'buyer' will want photos of your feet in the shoes, they often like pop socks too - the more worn the better. A friend of mine who works as cabin crew sells hers in batches of 5 for £50 to 'regulars' - they get 5 a month, she sells shoes too and makes about £3000 a year. She has a private instagram account she photographs her feet at work in the shoes and the 'buyers' get a months access. It is so bloody weird. She is 52 and has size 9 feet which is a big draw apparently.

The other issue is that you are being abused and need to leave. What is your plan? If he is opening your post and denying access to money you need to get outside support and without family can you call womens aid?

Between being desperately unhappy in a financially abusive and controlling relationship and contacting my family and begging for 'forgiveness'' and hearing "We told you so" until I got myself sorted, I'd take the latter. I'd also be contacting friends, even old friends you haven't seen, and begging for help. In short, there's just about nothing I wouldn't do to get out of an abusive relationship. Selling manky shoes isn't going to cut it. But putting up with 'disapproval' just might.

I was a high earner

Is there a reason you can't return to your career? I don't mean that nastily, I mean if you get back to your old stomping grounds/a new area can you re-start your career? Or begin anew in a related field?

Going against the grain here but as you have a child and are not in physical danger it might make sense to hang in there and go through with getting married - even just a registry office with no guests. You'll then be a stronger position for getting financial support from him when you leave him. Maybe you can find a family law solicitor to give you 30 mins free advice by phone while he's at work?

As for the shoes, do what you need to do. I hear worn tights and knickers sell well too, if you could face that...

I don't think the problem here is the shoes I think it's your unbalanced relationship?

You said you’re engaged but won’t marry him yet you refer to him as DH.
DH puts petrol in the car, how will you explain the use of the car when you send the shoes.
No money after bills how is money going into your account if everything is in cash.
Sorry OP this doesn’t ring true, if it is you need to get out of there pronto.

You're in an abusive relationship, but I think you know that. It really does sound like you're just digging in for the long haul to stay there ... is that really what you want for your DC?

Can you start siphoning off money elsewhere too?
Like every time you have a spare £5 from doing a supermarket shop? Hide it under a carpet or somewhere really good.

OP I don't think you came on here asking for advice on your relationship, really.

The men people messaging you are looking for a free thrill through you messaging them back. Don't engage with them, tell them if they want to know more they'll have to buy them and find out.

There is an episode of Modern Family that covers this!

You used to have a high paying job and friends. You need to go back to that situation and leave your arsehole dp far behind asap.

Eeeew.

As money making schemes go I can't see this solving all your troubles OP.

It won't take long before you run out of shoes and I can't imagine they fetch much per pair after postage.

eBay spotted the listing, removed it and told me if i did another I’d be banned.

lily what on earth were you were saying or showing in the listing that got it banned? I mean they're just shoes - how bad can the listing be? What were the photos of?

There are two ways of looking at the old shoe selling thing. One is thinking that the buyer is a sucker paying good money for something that is worthless and would otherwise be discarded, and that it's easy money. The other is that it's essentially a form of sex work, in that you are satisfying a man's fetish, not only by selling something you've worn, but providing other details or photos he might ask for, even if those photos and chats aren't pornographic in the traditional sense. The man will be wanking over all this.

I don't think either way of looking at it is wrong, but I would warn women thinking of doing this that they might not feel great about it afterwards, having participated in some random blokes' sexual gratification.

Its a form of sex work, and ebay will suspend your account if the item is reported. It also makes ebay a grim experience for women trying to buy shoes.

There are much better ways to make money on ebay, including hand made craft items; and there are better ways to sell used fetish items so you can remain anonymous.