I've never dreaded anything as much as homeschooling tomorrow

[homeschoolmyarse]

My child is having an absolute meltdown
He's 12
But he's being absolutely vile to me
I actually think he wants to kill me
I cannot deal with this

Dyslexic and we were just starting with an Ed psych assessment

I can't bear this

Is it specifically related to the home schooling or is it general problematic behaviour?

How has he been over Easter?

That sounds awful. You should leave him, go to another room and have a cup of tea until he calms down.

I wouldn’t make him do it. Email the school and explain what’s happening and say that for the sake of his mental health he will only be doing things he feels he can manage. The bbc are releasing lots of lessons soon, would he be willing to watch educational programmes?

Don’t do it if it’s this traumatic. Or do some form of learning but not whatever school are sending.

Do you think you know what’s triggering it? Does he find the change in routine too hard, embarrassed/frustrated he can’t access the work, or does he dislike you teaching him (no offense intended: I’m a teacher and one of my dc HATES me teaching her anything!)?

Don’t do it.

Tell him you are contacting the school to discuss options and then give yourselves space apart.

He's refusing to go to bed because he's not tired

I could just about manage his behaviour over the holiday
He's like a jack in the box, jumping on furniture, he cannot keep still
I managed to get him back into a big Lego project for the last 2 days which has kept him occupied, but today he just wanted to watch tv with me.

Which was fine, except he was so restless and needy, literally jumping on me and pulling at me, proper attention seeking behaviour, when I'm right there with him.

He's refused outright to do the couple of pieces of work he didn't get through. And he ended up in tears saying he hates it, but then reverted to being horrible to me

Don't do the learning but do keep in touch with school.

I teach primary and dh teaches secondary. We have one DC in y6 and one in Y7. While the one in y7 will happily work her way through set tasks, it became apparent that working with my y6 child was going to take some thinking about. We've withdrawn him from schools set tasks and have put together a structured day of learning that we know will work for him.

Do talk to the school about what might work best for him. The wellbeing of everyone in your family is the most important thing here and that may mean he loses a few weeks of learning.

For my son, we have 40 min maths on khan academy and set reading time. I think if you can do that as a minimum then you'll be doing okay.

At 12 he should be old enough not to need much input from you if his teachers are sending work for him to complete.

Can you give him a deadline to have work ready to send back to them, and then step back and not ask/nag him at all?

If you're trying too hard to act like a teacher of unlikely to go well.

If you have already given him that freedom and he's refusing to do anything the on I'd have a chat with the school and ask for their support and assistance.

Effectively make sure your main role is parenting rather than schooling if that makes sense?

X-posted. That sounds really miserable

Does he have a way of burning off some of his nervous energy?

I think he feels that it's all just insurmountable
He has no organisational skills whatever.
If I sat him down in front of the computer he wouldn't know where to start
I had to talk him through everything and be right at his side through every lesson.
I think his learning difficulties are a lot deeper. He's v bright, its a private school and he got an academic scholarship.

Really don’t make him do the things he’s struggling with.

I spoke to the school and told them the situation, after the 2 weeks, but there's no alternative being offered. I don't think they really understand him yet. They don't see the tears and frustration, they see a bright kid who can't get it down on paper. Also, if I opt out in any way, he will see that as a big win and just do nothing.
And teachers sending out emails chasing overdue work

That's the thing, he doesn't struggle with anything once he understands what he has to do. It's the lack of direction and instruction he can't deal with

Or the 'helpful' 5 documents that have to be opened before you even figure out what to do.

Can he use dragon dictate or do his work in a different format? Video himself?
The face he’s very bright means he will be able to catch up knowledge wise. Yes he needs to learn organisational skills and about the tools he can use to support him with possible dyslexia but that’s a very difficult thing to start doing now.
I would respond to the chasing emails saying you are waiting for someone to speak to you about him being able to access the work.

It sounds really full on. When I said struggling I didn’t mean academically I meant emotionally.
My dc at secondary have mainly quizzes and maths papers, comprehensions etc. Yours sounds very intense.

My dd is really horrible to me every Sunday, and it gets worse when it’s sunday before a new term. It’s anxiety-driven and she does it as she doesn’t want to, or know how to, admit to feeling worried or upset about the demands of school.

Your description of his attention seeking, along with the hyperactive behaviour, suggests your educational psychologist route is really spot on.

There is no need for him to complete all the school work. There’s no benefit in him being ‘spoon fed’ the learning by you, and if he’s stressed then he just can’t learn anyway. Could you do some bbc bitesize, read to him for a bit, a lego project and maybe khan academy videos/quizzes? Maybe write a list of some learning options and let him choose 3 things a day. Just do 9-12 or 10-1 and then maybe outside walking/playing, lego and a film.

Keep things simple and lower expectations/demands as much as possible. School should be on board with this if you explain the situation (assertively!). A lot of my students won’t be able to learn properly from a document sent to them online: they need different learning strategies and interaction.

Yes Greenmarmalade, that's exactly it.
Funny enough my husband used to do it too, Sunday nights, but he was abusive. That's what this feels like. It's awful

I'd be happy to go with some general bbc stuff, I'd be happy if he did nothing for a month, but the school is setting stuff and marking it so I have to clear it with them
Also, I'm not a teacher, I don't know the curriculum, I don't have the time or patience to be looking up stuff for him to do.

Take the pressure off. Just help him find things to occupy him, maybe some more lego projects or making films or comics, painting his room. You aren't his teacher and your relationship with each other is more important than ticking academic boxes.

While you are waiting for more input I'd suggest reading up on executive function and the relationship with various learning and behavioral needs.

I really really feel for you.

Just a suggestion- Make your plan for tomorrow and clearly explain your reasons for the change (you want him to learn, but not be stressed out, for example). Tell him you’ll see how it goes and work out a plan for the week with him. The way you stay in control and don’t make the behaviour the driving force.

(Thanks a million for the comment about the ‘5 helpful docs’... I think I’m guilty of this! Will put it all on one document!!)

Just saw your last post. Just tell the school how it is. They can't make you follow a curriculum.

If he’s being assessed for dyslexia there is a huge likelihood of other issues which run along side this, highly likely to relate to working memory, processing and attention problems. By attempting to replicate school even a tiny bit, you’re doing him no favours whatsoever and the very fact that he is acting out in this way should be communication enough of how much this isn’t working for him!

So stop! Stop everything. Let him lead, even if that appears like he’s doing nothing. I’d advise reading anything you can get hold of, relating to home education (as distinct from home school) for children with special educational needs. I’d also call the Ed Psych service via your county SEN department ASAP and take some advice from there. But for goodness sake stop what you’re doing because him doing nothing and being calm is still better than this.

Also, sadly most private schools are pretty awful at accommodating learning difficulties.