I've never dreaded anything as much as homeschooling tomorrow

[homeschoolmyarse]

My child is having an absolute meltdown
He's 12
But he's being absolutely vile to me
I actually think he wants to kill me
I cannot deal with this

Dyslexic and we were just starting with an Ed psych assessment

I can't bear this

Are the school changing the way they are teaching this term? DS’s school have obviously spent the Easter holiday planning how they are going to deliver the school timetable this term and are including videos, live chats, live teaching etc?

Is the school open at all to children with SEN?

Are there other methods he can use to access the curriculum rather than what the school are setting?

Yes, Winnie, I think there’s a lot more going on and I don’t think this is helping at all.

Sorry Marmalade! The extra docs would work great for me, I’d just print them off to refer to, but not for the kid who just shuts down when he sees a lot of text!

(No, I’m serious, I’ve been going out of my way to try to make things step-by-step and clear, but I may be making it hard with multiple ‘helpful’docs. Genuinely grateful for that heads up!)

There are a couple of kids in I think.
They don’t have many with special needs I don’t think. So yes, not great with dealing with it, although it’s early days.
They’re doing everything through microsoft teams, it will hopefully be a bit more streamlined, they were using share point and email before Easter.

Sounds really hard OP. I agree with other posters who suggest trying to take the pressure off.

My bright 9 yo son hates handwriting, so we decided he could type instead. This current situation is so stressful that you need to do what you can to survive as a family. Ed psych sounds v appropriate. Good luck. 🌺🌺

Sounds very like my Ds who has ADHD. It's worth considering, if he has it medication, works wonders.

And I am rethinking the school if we can’t get this right. But there’s no other choice really
It’s heartbreaking because he’s quite brilliant

I’m sure he has adhd, I’ve always thought it.
He was assessed at 7, borderline, but the teacher said he had a very rare v good day!
What’s the medication? I have looked it up, but it reads like it would hype him up even more, not calm him down
like the antidepressants the gp gave me which made me feel like I was ready to go clubbing, not calming my anxiety!

OP I really feel for you. I’m sending you a big virtual squeeze. I think you’re absolutely right to question whether this is the right school for him. But, if he’s brilliant, then he’s brilliant. He just needs somewhere that will let him flourish.

As I see it, this could be a real opportunity to firstly let him kick back and just explore what interests him, and secondly, gently investigate exactly what is going on, and what needs to happen in order for him to happily access education and reach his potential.

Depending on the school’s attitude he may well be able to stay where he is, with some tweaks and support. I’d imagine this isn’t the first time the wheels have come off. How did he manage at Primary?

Sorry cross posted.

I have a super bright one with ADD (inattentive) and dyslexia and dyspraxia. He has an EHCP and is supported in all lessons 1:1 with a dyslexia specialist. I’ve had to fight like a demon to get the support but it’s been worth it. That said, he’s still happier at home!

Dear Parents
Don't stress about schoolwork.
In september I will get your children back on track. I am a teacher and that is my superpower.
What I cant fix is social-emotional trauma that prevents the brain from learning. So right now I just need you to share your calm and your strength, and share your laughter with your children. No kids are ahead. No kids are behind. Your children are exactly where they need to be.
With Love
All the teachers on planet Earth.

Icanflyhigh I love you. Superb post. MN should pin this.

He sounds a lot like my son I think my son has Autism but probably wouldn't get a diagnosis. If he's jumping about though it could be adhd.

I'd ignore most of the comments on here u less you r dealt with a child with special needs you don't really understand.

Will he play by himself dump the school work and I feel your anxiety as I'm hating it as my son starts year 12 September but when I've tired to enforce it it isn't working and he told me he hates me.

My so. Is also bright just can't get it down on paper

He's like a jack in the box, jumping on furniture, he cannot keep still

Maybe you're already doing this but I would give him a hardcore exercise session each morning before even attempting anything academic. 45 minutes minimum and another one in the afternoon too.

Obviously I have no idea what your situation is re. the virus but if you can go out for a long run that would be ideal, regardless I would recommend lots of exercises such as star jumps, burpees etc. I'm sure on Youtube there will be a session that is appropriate for him that you could use. (Join in too and you might end up fitter than you've ever been.)

Also has already been said: if you can't get him to do the work the school is sending then give him something else to do. You're not a teacher by profession (I assume) so it's not your fault if you can't magically become one.

I was briefly homeschooled as a kid due to circumstances. My poor DM had to manage three of us.

I was a swot/teachers pet, and worked loads without a fuss.
My brother was intelligent but lazy so rushed through stuff but got it done without fuss.

My fucking sister turned into the girl from the exorcist. Raging tantrums, flat refusals, just wanting to sit in front of the tv, absolutely would not even entertain the idea, would not even sit at the table. She was vile during that time.

My DM was a strict parent and didn't take any of that shit normally. But my sister broke her.

My advice is don't lock horns about it. It really really isn't worth the upset.

Prioritise your relationship with him over the school work, take actions that strengthen your relationship

What does he find comfort in? Does he need to bounce,swing, climb or does he like water or loud noise or quiet or structure or???

You also need to make sure you are looking after yourself

You have my sympathies. I'd stop calling it "home schooling" and start calling it " learning at home". Don't think of yourself as his teacher - you're his mum and all you have to do is to spend time with him, enjoy his company, maybe talk about something he is interested in. Don't stress about trying to replicate school - you can't and you shouldn't be doing this . Just encourage him to read, maybe watch some You Tubes about things that actually interest him. And when he goes back to school the teachers will fill in the gaps.

This sounds really hard. I'd agree with everyone: stop the school work for a while, no matter what school says. Let him take a break. His relationship with you is more important, and his own mental health.

This is such a difficult and non-normal time, I'd be wary of trying to diagnose him with anything like ADHD right now. I'd be more surprised is a 12 year old boy was not climbing walls at this point!

In terms of being attention seeking... I'd gently suggest that this is one of those times where your response should be to give him as much attention as you can. Obviously its really hard for you too, especially if you need a break or need to work. But a 'love-bombing' approach might be the best one right now. He sounds scared, frustrated, and not sure how to express it. He probably wants to be with you all the time because he loves you and needs you to reassure him.

also, fwiw, one of my brothers is very bright but very dyslexic (also as it happens SUPER fidgety!). He recently told me that he wishes he had been sent to a state school rather than a private school, for the same reasons you've discussed. His school had less experience with students with different needs, and didn't know how to deal with him at all.

I’m a secondary teacher. My Y8 daughter finds it hard to organise her work. We’re going for an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon surrounded by lots of exercise. She used to be horrendous at sitting still, and she was really angry. She is now on food additive free diet. It’s made a massive difference to her ability to sit and concentrate. She also isn’t a ball of anger. I know it’s one more thing to think about, but might be worth trying. Bread preservative (calcium propionate) is particularly nasty in some people.

Have fun teaching him some practical skills at home. Cooking a simple meal - changing a car tyre - doing the laundry - planting and growing some vegetables. All these thing will teach him life skills AND he'll learn useful knowledge as well. Not everything has to be drummed into kids' heads through school work. Take this time to enjoy his company instead of dreading it .

2 dyslexic (dysorthographia) kids here 11&14. In school they have help from a TA. At home they need one of us to be present all the time for home schooling. Its taking at least twice as long as for the non dyslexic 14yo. Ours see therapist 2x a week. It's a long road and 12 is quite old to start down it.

I'd use this time for him to look at what his issue is. There are lots of materials available to order online. Specialist shops that deal with dyslexia etc.

My ds is the same. He's is 12 and currently being assessed for asd and he just isn't coping at all with this home schooling. He is flat out refusing to do anything but maths quizzes and just goes nuts just looking at the continually growing list of work.

Last year he had to have a person sit with him for his sats and uncover one question at a time or he refused to do it but now he's getting 10 pieces of work sent to his phone every day with about 4 sheets attached to each. I've talked to the school who have told me to get him to do one thing at a time which I've been trying but even seeing all the writing for one lesson sends him over the edge. I'm crying just writing this as I can't do it again. His then massive violent meltdowns then stop my other two learning and is affecting their mental health.

Sorry I can't be much help but want you to know you aren't alone.

Executive functioning difficulties. Look it up.

Oh you have my sympathy op.
I am a dyslexic who went to private school so can somewhat relate to your son. On paper everything looked great but internally everything was a massive struggle, firstly to actually motivate myself to start and then the brain power needed to focus on the task was immense and I think built up a lot of frustration. In school this can be broken up by having a bit of a chat to your neighbour etc. At home now there's no where for his frustration to go so assume that's why he's lashing out at you. I remember revising at home and having to read one page and then have a break, obviously to my parents that looked ridiculous and like I wasn't doing anything so that would cause conflict. In all honesty I'd back off, give him the work but don't add any pressure re a timeline. Unfortunately dyslexia is one of those things where people just assume you're making it up for extra time. I honestly feel like my heads going to explode and my brain hurts if I have to do any forced learning. For things like English GCSE I never read the book, I learned everything by listening in class to all the ideas and opinions of people who had read the book. Sorry for the ramble I just thought I'd try to explain what it may be like for him. Obviously this is very hard on you but this situation with lockdown would of been my idea of hell as a child.