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I've never dreaded anything as much as homeschooling tomorrow

102 replies

homeschoolmyarse · 20/04/2020 00:18

My child is having an absolute meltdown
He's 12
But he's being absolutely vile to me
I actually think he wants to kill me
I cannot deal with this

Dyslexic and we were just starting with an Ed psych assessment

I can't bear this

OP posts:
scochran · 20/04/2020 06:06

Very familiar. I used to try to support my boy's school work as ADHD and dyslexia, he has zero ambition to keep up at school.
I had just given up as such a struggle and was damaging our relationship and not making his attitude better. I was also disappointed with myself as although I work in a school I realised I was not at my best with him, too impatient.
Then we get this! Now I have to do it. I am going to try to pick only things he can already manage and not worry too much about what the school send.

Blackbear19 · 20/04/2020 06:30

OP I feel your pain. My DS 9 has possible ASD and I suspect dyslexia too. Concentration is a massive issue. Throw in a preschool sibling to provide distraction and you can imagine the frustration.

I contacted the school asked what he really needs to work on as I cannot do it all. They said maths, English and concentration span.

Fine that seems more achievable. So I'm thinking do what they set and get him doing other life skills that now is a good time to learn. Cooking, baking (if I could get flour) gardening, learning music, coding using his lego boost.

Sirzy · 20/04/2020 06:47

I would step away from the school set work, and if the school won’t be supportive at this time I would consider stepping away from that school completely when all this is sorted.

What is he interested in? Can you work from there? Let him pick a topic he wants to look at and work together to investigate it.

Don’t worry about getting too much down on paper either.

Basically do what is needed for both of you to get through.

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FredaFrogspawn · 20/04/2020 06:55

Is his scholarship dependent on him keeping up academically? Are you feeling any pressure because of that?

I would consider removing him if they aren’t sympathetic, and finding a good state school place after lockdown. And unschool him
In the meantime.

FredaFrogspawn · 20/04/2020 06:58

And 100% show him sympathy and understanding. Trust him and tell him you trust him. The damage this can cause is worse than missing out on a few months of academic learning.

ShleeAnKree · 20/04/2020 07:01

I have to go to work.

God knows what my 13 year old is doing.
Not being a smartass but when he gets back to his desk the teachers will have to try and bring kids that learnt nothing at home up to speed.

LittleMissEngineer · 20/04/2020 07:02

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

blueskys72 · 20/04/2020 07:07

Executive functioning skills,as Callimanco said above. First thing that came into my head.

I've never dreaded anything as much as homeschooling tomorrow
AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 20/04/2020 07:08

Leave the work op and TELL the school your son will only do whatever he feels he wants to do. Don’t ask for their blessing - tell them how this is affecting your son and that you are going to concentrate on keeping things calm and stable for him

Flowers
cansu · 20/04/2020 07:21

A decent school will be understanding. I am a teacher and I am setting work and marking it. Some kids (a large amount) are not doing it. I know that some don't want to; some are struggling; some need a teacher's presence to do work. I am not judging. The school should be able to accept that you have tried and it is causing stress. The last thing anyone needs is more trauma at home. I have a dd with asd who isn't working either. I am not stressing about it. Drop it for now. Encourage him to read and find out about things that interest him. They will all catch up.

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 20/04/2020 07:32

I think youneed to stop trying to home school him for now. Will he sit down and talk to you calmly about what's bothering him. I think id sit him down and tell him to forget about school work for today/this week. Ask him what he's interested in learning about and see if there's anything you can do together that will loosely touch on that. It sounds like he's feeling a massive amount of pressure as are you - take the pressure off. A week off school work won't hurt him. I think they call it love bombing - maybe try that?

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 20/04/2020 07:34

Let your son know you're on his side and you want to help him. Does it matter if he thinks he's "won"? It sounds very extreme for a child who just wants to get out of doing school work.

slipperywhensparticus · 20/04/2020 07:41

He sounds like he is sensory too have you tried giving him a hug? My sensory seeking child likes squeeze hugs to ground him

Xenia · 20/04/2020 07:43

I always think letting children win loads of battles is fine. Keep one or two that you want to win. I never tried to win much with my 5 other than the prize for trying to be kind and tolerant. However it is not at all easy. One of mine had mind dyslexia but was at a private school and she did much better in their senior school when things like spelling and handwriting did not matter and complex ideas did (she is quite clever and now a London lawyer).

However some people are so dyslexic they cannot even read so much will depend on how severe your son's condition is. He might feel useless at everything. See if you can find one thing he is good at eg can he play music? My daughter did grade 8 singing but gave up the piano very early on after grade 1 but passed grade 7 clarinet, as she found elements of music harder than others because of the dyslexia issues. She was very good at sport and joined in loads of non academic stuff at school and all that helped to make her feel included in school - she was in the 5th of 5 sets for maths for example but still got an A as disillusion didn't set in which is very common with dyslexia.

I haven't read all the posts above but I agree with lol above that my daughter found eg buying tapes of English lit books helped a lot. Trying to find ways that work for that child is a good idea.

By the way one of my sons at 12 was not even allowed to sit for his brother's school by his existing school and then he ended up at 18 with the best A levels in the family! One thing that helped with him (he's not dyslexic) was again finding things he was good at - in his case music- got at music scholarship, best in school etc and very good at most sports, just totally uninterested in school work at 12. In a sense you just have to keep faith with them at this age and they will come good with support.

I don't think your son should do no work at all however as he will be bored. Perhaps work out what he likes to do and can easily do of work sent home and do a bit of it.

Mamimawr · 20/04/2020 07:50

I will come back to this thread tonight OP. I'm in the same situation as you, I just wanted to let you know that you are not aline. I cried for a week(!) when I realised I would have to try to teach my 9 year old dyslexic son. (I have 3 children, but I knew how he would react).

ifeellikeanidiot · 20/04/2020 08:08

Good morning op. I hope today goes ok. Do contact the school. They will want to help. They are teachers and they will know that not all chn can learn by reading a load of typed instructions.

Lots of children aren't doing the work. Dh teaches in private and that is the case for his school. Just keep in touch with his tutor/ head of house or whoever you feel you can have a good conversation about this with.

Please don't see it as him winning if he's not doing the set tasks. See it as you being his advocate.

Punxsutawney · 20/04/2020 08:15

I would step back with the school work, I would also contact them and ask what strategies they use at school to get him working in the classroom.

Ds is 15 and has ASD. He finds it very difficult to do any kind of school work at home. He sees home has his safe space away from school. He's year 11 though so I haven't had to push any work at all, thank goodness. Although school emailed some A level bridging work home last week. They suggested 45mins per day per subject. I genuinely won't be able to get him to do that.

It does also sound like your Ds is having issues with executive functioning. My Ds also has big issues with this too.

I would see anything that you get done today as a positive. Even if it's just 10 mins.

Roselilly36 · 20/04/2020 08:20

My son is severely dyslexic, no other issues, he absolutely hated school, really struggled with the work & retaining the information. Passed one GCSE. He is now in an apprenticeship & doing so well. So please don’t let it stress him & you out, if just not worth it. We tried everything, private tutoring etc, made no difference whatsoever.

cozycat1 · 20/04/2020 08:31

Lolaray - thank you for posting your experience. I have dyslexic teenage boy who would say the exact same thing. Its very difficult for a non dyslexic person to understand the realities of dyslexia, especially in a a school environment.

OP - My son also just been diagnosed with ADD I'd say its worth pushing for another assessment. Anyone who says at age 12 he should be old enough to work on his own, does not understand the workings of a dyslexic brain/poss ADD brain.

My experience has taught me the following: break things down into very small chunks, constant prodding to keep on that task and allowing a lot of extra time/breaks to do things that we might think should take a lot less time. Help them organise their folders/books, go through the work set and and put in front of them only what they need to do that task -a vague "go and get on with your work' will not be successful.

Unfortunately its very time consuming as a parent.

VividImagination · 20/04/2020 08:41

My eldest (24 - not a misprint) has ADHD, standard grades, highers and a degree. He is working from home at the moment and is really, really struggling. He takes medication (Concerta XL) which normally gives him a good 6 hour concentration period but he’s a mess at the moment. Fortunately his boss is amazing and happy for him to do what he can.

Ds3 (13) is awaiting assessment for ADHD/ASD and had a complete meltdown last Monday when he saw the maths he was supposed to do (and he’s top of the year for maths - so not struggling academically) We’ve spoken to the school and he’s just to do what he can, when he can. We are hoping to get a trampoline, once they come back into stock, so that he can bounce off steam!

Can you speak to the school, let them know what’s happening And see if they can lower their expectations to meet his needs for this period. If not, have you options of other schools? Best of luck.

81Byerley · 20/04/2020 08:49

Is there anything, non-school related, that he's interested in? I ask, because that's how my long-term home educated children learn. They don't have set pieces of work, or lessons, and at various times have had different interests, that they have researched, such as dinosaurs, botany, geology, art.
It sounds as if your son is a child that needs entertaining, needs a lot of attention. I would take the pressure off. Tell him you'll make a deal. He has a choice. He can try to do todays assignments, or his alternative is to go on the Internet and find out all he can about one subject. Tell him you will help him read any difficult words, but you want him to write down all he learns. If he doesn't know how to spell a word, not to worry, as long as he knows what he wrote when he reads it to you tonight. Give him a deadline of say, after tea tonight, tell him you will not nag him when he takes a break from it, it is his responsibility to get it done. Suggest subjects he would find fun, perhaps a hobby he already has or something if , given the chance, he would like to do. (Skate boarding? Travelling to Australia? sky diving?Martial arts?) He could find out everything he can about Lego
Get him to plan the days meals, Check whether you have ingredients for recipes he finds in books or online. Make some cakes together, with him reading out the instructions.
My son is very severely dyslexic. And at 12 had huge meltdowns. I understand how hard it is. Just keep reiterating to the school that you are trying to encourage him, but you are putting your child's current well being first. You will try to get him to complete assignments, but if they don't get done, sorry, you've done your best. Sometimes, when you take the pressure off, children cope better, and start to do things of their own volition. You won't be the only parent having these problems.

Year6teacher754 · 20/04/2020 13:08

@homeschoolmyarse

Don't worry. To reassure you, I'm a deputy head and year 6 teacher in a primary school. Our headteacher is sending out work but has posted the following on our schools Facebook and Twitter and emailed it out to all parents:
""This is not homeschooling. You are, and always have been, your child's primary educator. If you decide that your child isn't going to engage with anything sent home, then so be it. If they want to spend the day baking, playing in the dirt in the garden/yard, watching TV, then that is your choice. That is your right. There is nothing to stress or feel guilty about."

Don't worry x

81Byerley · 20/04/2020 13:13

@homeschoolmyarse what a lovely head teacher!

Blackbear19 · 20/04/2020 14:23

Year6 teacher thankyou. Homeschooling is much easier said than done!
Esp in the current environment when everyone is stressed and out of routine.

homeschoolmyarse · 20/04/2020 19:23

This is not just about school
Behaviour today is just off the charts

Kissing and hugging me, licking me? Will not be told to stop it. Just laughs

Screeching, repeating things over and over

OP posts:
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