Would you ask this woman for the money back or just never have anything to do with her again?

[EatingIsMyHobby]

I stupidly lent a fairly new friend £50 about two months ago. I know her through the gym I attend and she gave me a story about her and her boyfriend not having any money as he'd been off work and she was between jobs.

For various reasons, she has turned out to be a using cheeky fucker. She now has a well paid new job and despite repeatedly saying for a month that she was going to pay me back, she didn't and has now gone quiet about it. She mentioned at one point that she would pay me back £2 per week!

She has, during lockdown, repeatedly put pictures on her Facebook of new things she's bought online; clothes, shoes, make up. She also sent me a FB message a few days before lockdown to show me photos of the new haircut and colour she has had done!

I don't technically need the money but her cheekiness is pissing me off a huge amount. I'm unsure of whether to a) message her via FB or text and tell her she needs to PayPal me the money ASAP. She is so self absorbed and dramatic that she will no doubt think I'm horribly unreasonable and being mean to her and will fall out with me. Or b) do I just write the money off and just have nothing to do with her again, ever.

Either way is going to be awkward for me as the gym is a very small, close knit place and we are all friends and often have nights out so it's going to cause an atmosphere.

At the moment it's just winding me up so much and for my own peace of mind need to do one or the other.

Why would it be awkward for you? She’s the one who’s stealing from you by not paying you back. I doubt you’re the first one she’s done this to.

It would be awkward as she will kick off and slag me off behind my back, and say I've been mean to her. She always perceives people as being mean if they don't do what she wants. Then mutual friends will feel like they have to take sides and it'll just cause a shit atmosphere.

Write it off and never lend money to anyone again.
Or tell her to repay you and stand up for yourself.

She's even had the cheek to ask me for more money since then. Sorry, I forgot to say in my OP.

I said 'No, I can't lend you anymore money. You already owe me money' which is when she said she would have to look into paying me back £2 per week!

I'd go after her full on. Shame her on social media if she doesn't pay up.

She's a "fairly new" friend you met at the gym. How does she even know your other friends? Why are you worried about what she says about you? She sounds pretty unlikeable.

Definitely ask for it back. Be clear and direct literally 'I need the money back I lent you, please send it to X as soon as you get this' if she tries to fob you off just send the same message again. So what if she slags you off, what will she say? That you lent her money and she hasn't paid you back, it's her that's been a dick, not you.

Just friends from the gym. She doesn't know any of my other friends. I go to a small, close knit gym, with mostly female members, and we all socialise quite a lot and many there I would class as a friend.

Honestly, this is why I do my best to never lend money if I can't afford to write it off. Chalk it up as a learning experience and never lend money again unless you're OK with not getting it back?

I'd just write it off and avoid tbh.

She's not going to pay you back.

You are obv v kind but lesson learned maybe.

Sorry you got stitched up.

People will only believe you are mean on her say so if they've seen mean behaviour already from you. I assume they have not seen you be a horrid meanie.

People will believe she is a CF on your say so if they have experienced her being a CF. Given that she is a CF there is a damn good chance others have experienced it too.

Go after her publicly. Make it uncomfortable for her to not pay you back.

Ask for the money back on Facebook, keep asking until she has paid you.
Learn your lesson, “neither a borrower nor a lender be”!

Thanks everyone for the replies!

I definitely will never ever lend anyone any money ever again! She took the piss in various other ways too and the whole thing has really put me off helping people again.

I am usually a kind person but when I'm done I'm done, always before it gets to doormat stage. Usually I would just cut a pisstaker like her off, it's just making me a bit hesitant because of the possible repercussions I mentioned.

You are imagining the repercussions.

In my experience of such situations everyone is glad someone finally took a stand. You will be inundated with people contacting you with tales of what she did to them. You'll make new mates.

I'm guessing that she hasn't got the cash to pay you and that all the stuff she's flaunting on FB is paid for on credit. If you're going to write it off,I'd block her on FB too so that you can't see the things she's bought.

Worry less about what people will think of you. People are pretty savvy and it says more about the person doing the slagging off than it does the person who is maintaining a dignified silence. They'll have the measure of her soon enough.

Well , you won't be going to the gym for a while so....

Can you message her on FB (maybe DM her) :
"Hi CF , great to see all these lovely treats you're buying yourself . Good that things have turned around for you . So you can see your way to paying me back the £50 I loaned you when you were on your uppers? As soon as you can would be good . It wasn;r a gift . Thanks Hobby "

No apologies.
No "if you wouldn't mind"

You did her a favour , but it was a loan. Needs paid back.

I don’t think your gym mates will buy her stories about you being mean. They have probably been asked for money too.

“Dear CF, I gave you the money in good faith. You made it clear at the time that it was a loan, I would not have given it otherwise so I expect it back by X date.” Etc.

Be polite but firm and don’t engage in a back and forth that will give her ammo to screenshot.

You won’t get your money back, she will ghost you now.
If you persist she could turn nasty.

As a single mum, my sister and her boyfriend used to visit me weekly and borrow a tenner every time, or take my bank card and withdraw £30 here, £10 there. None was ever repaid.

She then asked to borrow hundreds of pounds in one go that she’d repay next payday. Two days later she ‘left’ her job (she was sacked, she gets sacked from every job she has). Fast forward a few years later I really need the money repaid, but apparently I’d imagined I lent her it.

She’s a clever narcissist, but also an expert fraudster.
She currently accepts cash donations and runs regular go fund me’s or whatever they’re called for a local Facebook community help page she set up.

Hope you get your money back OP, but I wouldn’t hold your breath.

If she was still struggling if be more inclined to let it drop but in this case no I wouldn't write it off. She can clearly afford to pay you back.

Mention that with lockdown/not working you need it for supplies. If she bitches to others tell them the truth she’s taken ages to pay it back.

I'd put it as a comment under her pic - just sent you a pm about the £50 that you still owe me & pm your bank details saying you really need it urgently & please can she send it today & email you to confirm

Comment publicly on her fb saying you need back the money that she owes you

Agree with the above, even if you don’t get the money back, by posting publicly it will alert her other friends and acquaintances and make them less likely to lend to her.

I'd put it as a comment under her pic - just sent you a pm about the £50 that you still owe me & pm your bank details saying you really need it urgently & please can she send it today & email you to confirm

^This!

Be firm. TELL her you want your money back. Give her a specific, firm due date. Be as straight as you can. If she gets pissy with you and slags you off, all you would have to say is that you lent her £50 and she is refusing to repay you after two months. No one in that gym/your circle of friends would ever think you're the unreasonable one.

She is the one that is being cheeky. You have done nothing wrong. Ask for the money back.