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Original poster

Would you ask this woman for the money back or just never have anything to do with her again?

93 replies

EatingIsMyHobby · 12/04/2020 00:30

I stupidly lent a fairly new friend £50 about two months ago. I know her through the gym I attend and she gave me a story about her and her boyfriend not having any money as he'd been off work and she was between jobs.

For various reasons, she has turned out to be a using cheeky fucker. She now has a well paid new job and despite repeatedly saying for a month that she was going to pay me back, she didn't and has now gone quiet about it. She mentioned at one point that she would pay me back £2 per week! Hmm

She has, during lockdown, repeatedly put pictures on her Facebook of new things she's bought online; clothes, shoes, make up. She also sent me a FB message a few days before lockdown to show me photos of the new haircut and colour she has had done!

I don't technically need the money but her cheekiness is pissing me off a huge amount. I'm unsure of whether to a) message her via FB or text and tell her she needs to PayPal me the money ASAP. She is so self absorbed and dramatic that she will no doubt think I'm horribly unreasonable and being mean to her and will fall out with me. Or b) do I just write the money off and just have nothing to do with her again, ever.

Either way is going to be awkward for me as the gym is a very small, close knit place and we are all friends and often have nights out so it's going to cause an atmosphere.

At the moment it's just winding me up so much and for my own peace of mind need to do one or the other.

OP posts:
Stuckupsnob · 12/04/2020 03:00

I’ve lent money before to people, well, technically one person, the other person owed money for a job I Did. After a lot of asking etc etc, neither of them paid me back. I will never lend money again.

All you can do is keep asking, but it sounds like you’ll have to cut your losses. Unless you want to make a scene in the gym when the time comes. Good luck with that one.

Griselda1 · 12/04/2020 04:18

My friend belongs to a gym where the ladies compete across the UK and socialize together. The sense of competition seems to enter into everything they do. Birthdays are celebrated in huge style and there always seems to be another member who will supply a hugely elaborate cake, another who works for a restaurant where the lavish meal will be held, a boutique owner who will supply an expensive gift. All of this will be shown on fb and Instagram and a really competitive cycle has started. There's about 30 of them so that's s hell of a lot of birthdays to celebrate and throw in weddings, special birthdays etc and it becomes difficult to keep up. She tells me she's already owed quite a lot through paying for the cake for example and then others don't contribute. The costs are divided up and it's become hugely expensive.
Many of the ladies involved are heavily involved in promoting their businesses through the gym connections so Botox, Mua's, nutritionalists, eyebrow laminators etc are a big thing. Some of them are obviously struggling to keep up and your acquaintance seems to be one of them.
Ask for the money again in a firm way and perhaps take her up on the monthly payment but I think there's something to be learnt about how artificial many of these friendships are.

Shinyfloors · 12/04/2020 07:22

I've lent money and it does churn you up when it's not paid back. In the end my stomach was hurting too much to deal with it so as it sounds like you can afford to let this go and I doubt she'll ever pay it back especially without unpleasantness how about
C) Take back control, tell her with a smile that she doesn't need to pay it back, she can keep the £50 no worries.
You could say this infront of the other women.
And mentally let it go, she's lost your respect and you've been kind.

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HunterHearstHelmsley · 12/04/2020 07:30

Message her and tell her you're short and need the money now.

I borrowed £1 for a trolley from a gym friend just before lockdown. I've messaged and apologised and said I'll have it the first day back at the gym (and that I hope she's not charging interest!)

anguauberwaldironfoundersson · 12/04/2020 07:32

Next time she shows off a new purchase on FB post a comment with "lovely item. Looks like you're flush so can you pay back the £50 I loaned you on xxx date please"

She has no intention of paying you back. So stir the pot and shame her.

Umnoway · 12/04/2020 07:35

You shouldn’t give money away that you can’t afford to lose. There’s always a possibility you won’t be repaid so it’s basically worth writing off any money you ‘lend’.

I’d ask one final time and if she doesn’t give it back I’d block her.

ThinkPink71 · 12/04/2020 07:48

I would message and be like.... I hate to ask but could you transfer me the £50 i lent you? Sorry I feel cheeky asking but just realised I havent got it back yet :)

If you dont hear from her again then good riddens xx

Wakeupsunshine · 12/04/2020 07:53

It doesn’t sound like you will get it back I’m afraid, whatever you do. Even if you agreed to £2 a week, I bet she’d keep ‘forgetting.’

Lampan · 12/04/2020 07:57

Even if you don’t need the money, £50 would pay for a nice treat for yourself, or as a charity donation. I like @70isaLimitNotaTarget suggestion with ‘glad to see things have turned around for you’

HollyBollyBooBoo · 12/04/2020 08:00

I would chase her for the money out of principle and then cut her off. Never lend money to anyone!

Ginger1982 · 12/04/2020 08:02

If you let this go you are basically saying that anyone can just walk all over you. You've done nothing wrong.

Greenkit · 12/04/2020 08:14

59buckeejit

I'd put it as a comment under her pic - just sent you a pm about the £50 that you still owe me & pm your bank details saying you really need it urgently & please can she send it today & email you to confirm

THIS ^

lotusbell · 12/04/2020 08:27

If you're going to shame her on Facebook, you need to post a comment at a time where it stands a good chance of being on there a while and seen by other people before she inevitably sees it and deletes and possibly blocks you.
And please don't go in there full of apologies - 'I hate to ask but' or 'really sorry to ask'. No. You do not apologise. She knows exactly what she's doing and has no intention of paying it back. You either keep on at her about it or you cut your losses and avoid her. She's hardly a friend, is she?

butterpuffed · 12/04/2020 08:38

I'd accept that you're not going to get your money back and because of that would feel a bit entitled to send a message along the lines of loving the haircut she's had and is the hairdresser waiting for her to pay that too.

Apolloanddaphne · 12/04/2020 08:43

No need for any apologies. Just be direct saying you need that money back pronto as you are now short and give her your bank details.

Charliec12 · 12/04/2020 08:47

I had something similar with someone at work and I kept the message where they said they would pay me back and I was prepared to threaten to show them to our manager if no money was paid back to me as the person was in a mangerial position higher than me. I reduced the £50 to £40 and went on about it a bit so they knew I would not accidently forget they had to pay it back and I did get it back a few weeks ago. I have quickly learnt that this person generally is more friendly with me if they want something so a bit of a user too 😔

Eckhart · 12/04/2020 08:52

Why do you think she has the power to influence how your friends feel about you? If someone is a real friend, and she tells them you're mean, she'll get very short shrift.

Have you seen 'Labyrinth'?

'You have no power over me!'

RandomSelection · 12/04/2020 08:54

Hi CF, Love the new hair do. So glad things are looking up for you now. Please don't forget you owe me £50 which looking at all your Facebook posts you can obviously afford to repay now. Given the current circumstances I need the money repaid now, I'm sure you understand. My bank account / PayPal details are... Please let me have it by Friday. Thanks and take care. Eating.

AJTracey · 12/04/2020 08:57

Demand it back today. Anyone with a brain won’t be turned against you.

Liverbird77 · 12/04/2020 09:04

Yes, a direct message. Straight to the point.
Here are my bank details/PayPal
Please arrange to pay the £50 by the end of the week.

saleorbouy · 12/04/2020 09:11

Arrange to meet up for a lunch date with her after isolation has passed, order your food and enjoy. Head for the toilet and return to the table and say " must dash have something important to attend to, could you pay for my part of the bill from the £50 you owe me....thank you" as you turn and leave the cafe. A dose of her own medicine should go down nicely.

UntamedWisteria · 12/04/2020 09:12

You need to stand up to people like this.

You must ask firmly for the money back.

"Great news you've got a new job. Please could you now repay me the £50 you owe me. By the end of the week will be fine. Thanks."

Sparklybanana · 12/04/2020 09:14

I would ask your friends if they’ve leant her money which has not been given back. You’ve then sown the seeds for why she’s playing the victim and she won’t get sympathy. Especially if you explain it the same way as you’ve done here.

pinkblanchmange · 12/04/2020 09:15

I'd shame her on her fb posts

pinkblanchmange · 12/04/2020 09:19

If she hasn't paid by the time lockdown is over I'd also shout over 'got my £50 ?' every time I saw her at the gym too and to hell with her bitching

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