Would you ask this woman for the money back or just never have anything to do with her again?

[EatingIsMyHobby]

I stupidly lent a fairly new friend £50 about two months ago. I know her through the gym I attend and she gave me a story about her and her boyfriend not having any money as he'd been off work and she was between jobs.

For various reasons, she has turned out to be a using cheeky fucker. She now has a well paid new job and despite repeatedly saying for a month that she was going to pay me back, she didn't and has now gone quiet about it. She mentioned at one point that she would pay me back £2 per week!

She has, during lockdown, repeatedly put pictures on her Facebook of new things she's bought online; clothes, shoes, make up. She also sent me a FB message a few days before lockdown to show me photos of the new haircut and colour she has had done!

I don't technically need the money but her cheekiness is pissing me off a huge amount. I'm unsure of whether to a) message her via FB or text and tell her she needs to PayPal me the money ASAP. She is so self absorbed and dramatic that she will no doubt think I'm horribly unreasonable and being mean to her and will fall out with me. Or b) do I just write the money off and just have nothing to do with her again, ever.

Either way is going to be awkward for me as the gym is a very small, close knit place and we are all friends and often have nights out so it's going to cause an atmosphere.

At the moment it's just winding me up so much and for my own peace of mind need to do one or the other.

Go get your £50 op, don’t give her any wriggle room, make it clear you need it now.

Ask on her Facebook wall if she could give you the £50 you lent her 2 months ago back.

I would ask your friends if they’ve leant her money which has not been given back. You’ve then sown the seeds for why she’s playing the victim and she won’t get sympathy. Especially if you explain it the same way as you’ve done here

Ah, yes - this is a clever idea!

And I would do both. I would ask for my money back and have no more to do with her.

What a lot of wet lettuces on this thread. Of course you tell her you need your money back asap, and without being remotely apologetic about it! Several posters have suggested appropriate messages.

Are so many people really saying that you would write off £50 because they were afraid a gym acquaintance would be 'mean' about them if they asked for their loan to be returned?

If you don’t need the money unfriend her and avoid her. This woman has no conscious and won’t grow one overnight. It’s interesting this woman asked you for money and not a close friend, maybe everyone is sick of being conned by her.

I’d do both. Don’t have anything to do with her but don’t write the money off.
Don’t be afraid to be assertive.

£50 is £50!

I wouldn't do any of the please can I have the money you owe me posts.

On FB I would go to a post where she is showing off something new and blast her.
"You are showing off your new handbag whilst - despite repeated requests - refusing to pay back the £50 you borrowed from me. I shall be taking this further if it's not put into my bank account by tonight. I am texting my bank details to you now"

I’d ask for the money back on Facebook as said above. You might not get it all back but you will have alerted others and hopefully made her think twice about her p*ss-taking.

I really don’t think the other gym women will take her side, but if you’re concerned you also have the option of messaging them to let them know what’s been going on.

People like her act like they do because they think they can get away with it.

The trouble is, even if you never address this with her, it is already awkward with the gym friends because everytime you socialise together you will have to fake being happy in her company (and stomach her fake comeraderie) and the only person who will know that there is any thorn is you. So you will either have to swallow all the discomfort (alone in secret) very successfully, in those mutually sociable situations, or, you might seem cool, even frosty, towards her and no one will know why (except her, but then the problem looks like yours so that will suit her). So she has already soured those easy group nights out you enjoy.
If you air the issue in a transparent, calm, clear but firm way like other PP have suggested... assuming she still swerves it, at least your mutual friends will know why, then if she tries to bitch about you she will have nothing to point at to criticise.
At least then, those mutual nights out will have all that awkwardness placed on her instead of you... Assuming your gym friends are decent human beings.

And if you don't bitch about her (once you've made your public request for the money) YOU won't make those gym friends feel like they have to take sides. So if she does that they will lean to you not her.

Just remembered that you've not repaid that £50 I lent you ages ago, I've send my bank details to you so you can ping it over today.

Put that on her wall

Would you allow somebody to open your purse and help themselves to 50 quid? I am guessing no. If you write off the money you have allowed her to do just that.

As others have said, ask her for the money back in a straightforward and unapologetic way. Do it by Facebook if you think it will help, particularly as you have evidence that she has been spending on her appearance recently.

People like her are thick skinned. It sounds like you barely know her. Persistent borrowers exhaust the supply from family and friends who have been stung, so they have to tap those they barely know to get new funds. She sounds like one of them.

I was in need of money once, someone lent me it. I moved heaven and hell to pay her back asap - because it was anathema to me to owe someone money, and I did not want them to think I was a sponging waster. I have also lent money to someone and they did the same, paid it back asap.

If I was delayed in paying it back, I would have told the lender how and when I would get the money back to her. I would not have left her in limbo, making her feel she was wrong to pursue.

Your friend, except she isn't one, is making you dance around to get back what she owes you, meanwhile displaying her new purchases and her contempt for you at the same time. She is a seasoned pro at this, so get your money back and have nothing more to do with the CF.

Name no names, but write online somewhere online that people who know here can see.
Having been a good friend I lent someone £50 quiet a while ago.
Have watched them spending loads of treats for themselves, and despite asking they never even attempt to repay me.
It's sad when you see how selfish some people are...

Writing cryptic fb posts will have no effect

I’d second the PP who said to write it off and take it as a lesson, she sounds awful and like she could cause you stress.

Take the high road and get her out of your life.

Just write on Facebook that she still owes you, maybe on one of her “look what I bought” posts. Even if it doesn’t get you your money back it’ll make others think twice about lending her money. I don’t think you are going to get it back anyway by the sounds of it.

Honestly - don’t shame her on Facebook. It’ll make you look a twat. A text saying that since you won’t be seeing her for a while with lockdown, the £50 will have to be paid electronically, here’s your PayPal address, by the end of next week please - will do fine. Any quibbling and just say, I’ve been very patient but I’ve waited long enough.

Wot @sparkleybanana said

Generally, though, however much you want to help people, it's best not to ever lend money. If you can afford it, give it and be pleasantly surprised to get it back.

If you can't afford to give, just say sorry, can't afford it right now.

Saves all that heart ache, too.

This time, I would write it off as the cost of learning that lesson. Warn the others, too. Maybe ask if she has borrowed from them, too and have they had it back?

I'm amazed that posters say to write it off. That's exactly what she's hoping for. Why should you?

This happened to me years ago. A 'friend' of mine asked to borrow £20 (doesn't sound a lot but I was a single Mum and couldn't afford to be £20 out of pocket). Said 'friend' promised that she'd pay me back in full the following week. Much like your own situation, she then made lots of excuses and ultimately never paid me back! The result of this? A lesson learnt. I still see this woman today, I'm always polite but our friendship did not progress past this situation. The only people I lend money to these days are my Sons, because I know they always pay me back. I can more or less guarantee that you will never see your £50 again. Forget your money and forget this 'friend', let her move on to the next unsuspecting target.

I'd post on her FB page (so all her "friends" will see it) something along the lines of "I've really enjoyed seeing your posts of your new job, new hair and purchases. Can you please repay in full and at once the £50 I loaned you months ago"

Why would shaming her on Facebook make the op look like a twat? She’s ignoring direct requests so yes shame her.

Don't bother with FB, agree with talking to the friends at the gym. Say you're concerned because you loaned her money that she hasn't repaid but is sharing widely all her purchases. Your worry is that she has financial problems spending like this when she's having to borrow from friends but you don't know how to tackle it.

See what they suggest. You may well get your money back rapidly if your mutual friends start sharing their concern with her that she's getting out of her depth financially.

I think she would still not pay even if shamed on Facebook. She would just tell people she couldn’t afford to pay op back and as op says, she would claim she was being mean and try to get sympathy from others.