I need a hotel or something. I can't take it anymore.

[Crooken]

I need a breather from everything. Right now I would just go and run off to a hotel. I've never done that before.

I'm have 3 kids one of which is a very very difficult toddler. Always crying, whining, really really clingy and constantly wants me to hold her / wanting to sit on my lap.

The older 2 are primary school aged and they keep fighting and bickering all day. All I hear I muuuum! in that nasal whiny tone.

I also work part time 3 days a week but have to do my work either 6am on the morning which gives me around an hour before kids wake up or after 10pm in the evening. Sitting down at my computer for even 20 mins without peace is impossible.

I have a DH who works FT from home. However in all honesty I feel like there's no difference to me if he's there or not. I'm juggling emails, kids, cooking, cleaning, setting activities for the kids. When he clocks off for the day, the kids are still with me. He doesn't do anything with them- I have to do stuff with them all the time.

I'm finding this constant kids with me 24/7 , whining all whilst working, cooking and doing everything else is getting too much.

I've just flipped my top just now as toddler has been screaming for the past ten minutes whilst I was getting the dinner ready. Dh was in the bathroom taking ages like he always does.

Honestly I just want to fucking run away. I can't bare to carry on another day like this. The lockdown has made things worse. I know I need to her rid of dh.

Just to add, I did speak to dh yesterday telling him that he doesn't do much and it's all on my head. His reaction was to get pissed off and he told me not to lie, and that I don't do everything.

Can I join you? At the end of my tether today

That’s shit. If you can take a step back from cleaning and setting activities. It’s not going to hurt if the house is a mess or the kids watch tv for a day. Primary aged kids need to be bored to learn how to entertain themselves.
Your husband sounds horrible. I’d stop doing anything for him - no cooking, cleaning or washing.
Hopefully someone has some more practical advice for you about how to get through the next few weeks

“ When he clocks off for the day, the kids are still with me. He doesn't do anything with them- I have to do stuff with them all the time. ”

Under the circumstances, I’d leave him with them when he clocks off, lock yourself in the bedroom with earphones and loud music.

“ I’d stop doing anything for him - no cooking, cleaning or washing.”

This too.

I don't know if in this current situation you would be able to. But I would after ensuring he was in the same room as the children get my coat on and go out for my daily exercise for an extended time! I would do absolutely nothing for him in the meantime, no laundry, no food no nothing. If he can't do his share then do nothing for him. But that is just me.

As MN so often has cause to say... This sounds like a DH problem. Where does he get off closeting himself with work and in the fucking toilet all day long when you have to work too?

Yes it's hard with kids underfoot, DH and I have a 5yo.and 2yo and I'm already fucking sick of breaking up train-related arguments. But we do alternating 3-hour shifts during the kids' awake time when we're both working, because both our jobs matter. (Not to mention our sanity.)

Is he shit with the kids under normal circumstances too?

Tell him to take them out for a walk for an hour or two every day. You can have a store step walk xx

You must tell your DH that you need to do some work and you haven't had a chance. As soon as he clocks off, go to a room by yourself and tell him to deal with the DC. Make sure they all realise you are serious! He needs to step up here OP.

Can you book a twin room I want to join you !!! With room service and an amazing menu ? Nice sea view ?

I hear you. I’ve two primary aged children, one with problems with executive function, a three dats a week job and a DH doing 12 hour days. It is, thank God, the Easter holidays but I’m done in. And failing at both the home education, the job and any semblance of housework. If I have an hour to myself I’m too tired to think, let alone make good use of it...

So you are having to fit your work around the DC but he is just carrying on as normal with his work?

Fuck that.

If he is not "at work" he should be doing either chores or childcare. Agree a time e.g. 8pm when both of you can "switch off". Until then it's work, chores or childcare for BOTH parents.

I'd be tempted to tell him he needs to agree flexible working with his employer. It is totally unfair you are lumped with all childcare, meal prep and holding down your own job.

Are you getting out first thing for a long walk? Essential here (3yo and baby). Kids are like dogs, need a good run first thing to burn off excess energy so they have more chance of being calm (ish) and sensible (ish) the rest of the day.

Tell your DH when he is On Duty. And lock yourself away with noise cancelling headphones.

When he ‘clocks off’ you leave the children with him and go and get some work done,
What’s with these men, leaving their wives to do all the donkey work?

That sounds so tough, op. You have to get some time to yourself, it's vitally important. Can you take yourself off for a daily walk? Or go and sit in your car if you have one? If you are in charge of the shopping consider that your time to breathe easily and clear your head.

Your dh sounds like an arse and maybe when this is all over you will get a clear picture of whether you want to stay with him or not. However, for now concentrate on getting that time for yourself and getting through each day.

From about when DS1 was 3, bedtimes were DP's responsibility (when he's here - normally he travels for work a lot).

If I've had one of those days I just go and get in the bath about 6pm and just ignore everything until they're in bed.

You can't work and look after them. You just can't - I've discovered this - you just end up annoyed and stressed and achieving nothing on either side. Mine are a little older now, so I can tell them to give me an hour for a call, or to concentrate, but even then, I get the most work done when they're in bed, or if I just hide at a weekend, leaving them to their dad to look after.

You need to drop some stuff. I agree with doing things for him to the standard he does those things for you and the kids. So I don't do his washing anymore, after he'd think he'd done it, but really had just left it crumpled and abandoned in a washing basket in the kitchen. He often cooked his own meals (keep fit fanatic) ignoring the kids - so now I don't even think about adding a portion to the food I cook for them and me. He never tidies anything, so I just shove anything he leaves lying around in my in a box or his wardrobe.

It sounds petty, but it was so much work and I was drowning, while he was heading off to the gym or leaving his coffee cups in the living room to be spilled, or his dirty washing and socks in every room. By just abdicating responsibility, I save my mental health, and he just has to do a little bit more work for himself (I still do everything for the kids) so I'm not feeling continuously resentful of him.

Right OP. Put a jacket on now and a pair of trainers and get outside for a 1.5 hour walk. Leave their dad to do feed/bath/bedtime.
Absolutely do it.
Same again every night this week. He is their father 50% ownership and he has had a straightforward, child free day.
He won't put them to bed as well as you, but who cares? He'll get the hang of it over the next few months.

Why isn’t your dh taking over with the kids when he clocks off?
Are you getting a break other than to work???
You’re going to burn out at this rate! Give oh a good talking to then have a long soak in the bath!!

What if you were brash and blunt? "RIGHT, its 5 o'clock, your turn to have the kids now, I'm going for a bath then I'll get dinner ready. Seeya!"?

Or, I wouldn't normally suggest this but in these strange and unusual lockdown circumstances, out-strop him. Be a bigger pain in the ass. Abandon the kids to him and lock yourself in the bathroom. Tell the kids to ask daddy when they ask you for anything. If he gets angry at you get angrier back.

You will just have to put up with all things at the moment, there are thousands of families in the same situation now. Saying that you can't take things any more is being weak, you are not in some torture chamber.

There's been a lot on the news about this, that women are dealing with childcare and wfh and men are just wfh. Who's going to have problems with their boss when they return? It's so unfair.

Make an hour for yourself tomorrow when the kids are in full flow.

Then justTELL your DH 'I'm off for a walk, they are all yours for an hour'. And just GO before he has time to utter a word. Take a nice long walk and breathe.

He's being an utterly shit father and husband at the moment. I'm not surprised you're at the end of your tether.

Do you have a car? I quite enjoy sitting in the car on the drive for an hour just browsing the internet or reading a book. Leave DH to look after the kids for a wee while.

I've brought this same issue up in the past and it's always the same. He feels he does do work and helps me. What he does is clear up after dinner which means loading the dishwasher and a quick Hoover with the handheld. I'll still wipe the cooker, put stuff away and wipe down the worktops. He'll Hoover up the downstairs. He'll put the older kids to bed mostly. I usually do younger one. He puts the bins out. He'll make beds in the morning. He'll do bits and bobs but all these things don't really amount to much when you add up all the other stuff that needs doing in a day.

He never does any work with the kids like the homeschooling, playing with them, ideas of what to do with them. He never cooks. He very very rarely takes the kids out on his own and if he does he has to mention it. As though he's done something amazing for me.

Luckily right now my workload is very low so I have managed but management are looking into sharing workload between teams etc to make it more fair so all that will change soon. I don't know how I'm going to manage then. I feel like his work takes priority to mine. Today we both work and I have had the kids all day. I've cooked, taken them out shopping, put a movie on for them, made their breakfasts, cleared up, made a snack for them, did the laundry. All whilst he was holed up in the bedroom on the computer.