Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

I need a hotel or something. I can't take it anymore.

90 replies

Crooken · 06/04/2020 18:43

I need a breather from everything. Right now I would just go and run off to a hotel. I've never done that before.

I'm have 3 kids one of which is a very very difficult toddler. Always crying, whining, really really clingy and constantly wants me to hold her / wanting to sit on my lap.

The older 2 are primary school aged and they keep fighting and bickering all day. All I hear I muuuum! in that nasal whiny tone.

I also work part time 3 days a week but have to do my work either 6am on the morning which gives me around an hour before kids wake up or after 10pm in the evening. Sitting down at my computer for even 20 mins without peace is impossible.

I have a DH who works FT from home. However in all honesty I feel like there's no difference to me if he's there or not. I'm juggling emails, kids, cooking, cleaning, setting activities for the kids. When he clocks off for the day, the kids are still with me. He doesn't do anything with them- I have to do stuff with them all the time.

I'm finding this constant kids with me 24/7 , whining all whilst working, cooking and doing everything else is getting too much.

I've just flipped my top just now as toddler has been screaming for the past ten minutes whilst I was getting the dinner ready. Dh was in the bathroom taking ages like he always does.

Honestly I just want to fucking run away. I can't bare to carry on another day like this. The lockdown has made things worse. I know I need to her rid of dh.

OP posts:

PurpleCrazyHorse · 06/04/2020 19:24

Your DH needs to step up. Mine needed a push to be honest, he WFH all the time so just got on with his work leaving me with everything else. After a chat I'm doing one full day during the week without the kids plus a half day on Saturday and Sunday. I can then do the little bits and bobs during the week with the kids while they're on devices and after they are in bed if needed. It's important I keep my job as it's secure although not high paying, but will make a huge difference if DH loses his job or is furloughed.

BeardyButton · 06/04/2020 19:25

Could have written this. Dh does try... But ds always jst wants me. Alsi have v demanding job that i think i am going to lose any minute. And im paying top wack for child care that isn't happening. Workibg till 1am most nights, then running around cooking cleaning and 'playing' all day. Just. Want. It. To. Stop.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 06/04/2020 19:25

You need a routine. When DS was a toddler I was studying FT so the rule was that DS was mine between 8:30 am and 6pm and his from 6 to 8:30 am. No buts no excuses, he worked during the day I worked during the night.

It not only didn’t kill them, it made them closer, had a very good bond and made DS’ dad a very capable parent (he also had to cook dinner after I had been dealing with DS all day long, it was only fair)

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

Original poster

Crooken · 06/04/2020 19:25

Thanks 1forAll74 but I don't see myself as "weak" as you put it. It's fucking stressful and I've not had a break.

OP posts:

Lynda07 · 06/04/2020 19:34

In your place I might got to a hotel for a couple of days and nights as long as the children didn't fret. However, are there any hotels open right now?

speakout · 06/04/2020 19:35

Your problem is not your children- it's your OH.

TreestumpsAndTrampolines · 06/04/2020 19:35

I've brought this same issue up in the past and it's always the same. He feels he does do work and helps me

You're allowed feelings too, and you're feeling like you're about to explode.

For your sanity, carve out some boundaries. And don't try to solve the problem. Tell him you're not coping. Tell him you're taking an hour now, and you're working Saturday, and he has to take the children, no discussiion. Do the shopping alone (god, it sounds ridiculous, but that hour at the supermarket away from the kids, choosing things for myself sometimes feels like a week's holiday). Send the kids to ask their dad if you're busy.

You will burn out. I've come so close myself. you just need to let the balls drop and ignore them.

Quartz2208 · 06/04/2020 19:35

I don't know how I'm going to manage then.

You cant manage it, he is literally going to have to step up. You cant go on like this at all so if you dont see yourself as weak what ar eyou going to do

carly2803 · 06/04/2020 19:36

go for a walk OP, just go now, its light and let off some steam.

I would hand the kids over say 6pm, once hes finished work and take yourself upstairs, lock the door if needby and do your work. Take yourself your own tea up (already made)!, and do not do anything for him. He is a parent, he needs to step up

carly2803 · 06/04/2020 19:36

go for a walk OP, just go now, its light and let off some steam.

TheLadyAnneNeville · 06/04/2020 19:37

Your problem, is your husband. No suggestions but sending .

speakout · 06/04/2020 19:37

OP go for a walk in the evening - alone- after dinner.
Easy- leave the kids, the dishes, tell your Oh you will be back in an hour or so.

madcatladyforever · 06/04/2020 19:39

You are the parent - discipline those children.
And does your husband want sex all the time? Tough shit he isn't getting any until he steps up.
I'd give them all hell.

redbigbananafeet · 06/04/2020 19:43

Madcatlafyforever but she's not THE parent. She's one of the two parents

redbigbananafeet · 06/04/2020 19:44

Madcatladyforever

Lefkosia · 06/04/2020 19:44

Yeah! Withhold sex like it's something you do as a reward for him! That sure will help the situation!

Thesispieces · 06/04/2020 19:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Mummy0ftwo12 · 06/04/2020 19:49

Twice a day go and sit on the loo with the seat down, set an alarm on your phone for 90 seconds and just breathe.

AJTracey · 06/04/2020 19:49

He needs to take dependents leave or annual once a week as do you. You need a break

Candyfloss99 · 06/04/2020 19:52

Does he look after them all weekend?

CarolineIngalls · 06/04/2020 19:55

I have found it helpful to sit with DH the day before and plan the times we both will work. You need him to agree to be the parent in charge in advance. Don't wait for him to offer. Tell him.

Marmite27 · 06/04/2020 20:02

I do 6am - 1pm working and DH has the kids. Then I take over and he starts his work day at 1pm. Breaks at tea time then carries on.

I’ve had to help him with thinking up/organising activities for the kids because beyond ‘let’s go to the park/swimming/soft play/Gran’s’ he’s a bit lost.

Tell your DH he needs to have the kids more, if he doesn’t listen, go for a walk and leave him.l to it.

MrsCollinssettled · 06/04/2020 20:04

You're not supposed to take children shopping so make the most of it. Leave him with the kids while you shop. If it takes a long time to do the shop so be it. Give him choices. He can either cook dinner for you all or take the kids for a walk. He can sort the washing out or put the kids to bed.

He's not being asked to help you with your chores, these are the jobs that need to be done and you are dividing them up like adults.

MontysOarlock · 06/04/2020 20:05

Agree a time he clocks off work, then the kids, cooking, everything is down to him and you get to do your work then on your 3 days. This also involves a lovely cup of coffee/tea to take with you to wherever you can be alone and undisturbed.

If he was a single parent he would be doing this anyway, finishing work, looking after the children and making their dinner and putting them to bed. I would tell him this.

If he cannot default to you then he has to step up. Also the same on a weekend, you can either get out for your daily exercise before they lock down completely.

itgetsthehoseagain · 06/04/2020 20:08

My husband is like this sometimes - it's as if he genuinely can't hear the kids. I had The Conversation with him a couple of years ago, and now I tell the DC to "ask daddy". Which they do, and which he can't complain about, because of The Conversation.

Flip

1 2 3 4