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Original poster

Teens staying up all night?

109 replies

Bottomplasters · 06/04/2020 02:29

Anyone else teens (15) year 10. Staying up all night and doing fuck all work? I literally am at breaking point

OP posts:
mondaynoon · 06/04/2020 08:01

Mine has started doing this now the holidays have started. I wouldn't mind, but he wakes me up as he can't be quiet.I'm WFH and have DC here so busier than usual.

aut0replenish · 06/04/2020 08:04

Yep mine would be too. Have been taking screens off them at 10.30. One slept in until 2 yesterday. They do sfa all day.It’s going to be a nightmare getting them back on track.

LonelyFromCorona · 06/04/2020 08:05

There is an element of biology behind this

link

I used to be the same during my gcses and a levels.

As long as your teen is getting all the important stuff done and is using headphones etc at night to not disturb the rest of the family, what's the harm?

nostaples · 06/04/2020 08:09

@Bottomplasters as with any other aspect of parenting, what works is having high expectations, making them clear and sticking to them or in other words, routine, routine, routine. But it's about transferring your values such that kids have reasonable expectations for themselves. I don't mind my kids (17 and 15) getting up later at about 10 but I expect them to be in bed without gadgets by 10 (will turn a blind eye to reading or faffing about until 11 at them moment but wouldn't on a school night). I expect them to do productive things during the day including helping prepare and clear up every meal and occasional going to the shops etc. Am encouraging eldest to get a job so she can help fund herself through universtiy. Expect them to go out and do some sort of exercise daily. I have parented like them this all their lives so this is what they want too. The occasional do nothing day is fine but I cannot imagine my kids being happy with themelves (no kid would be happy) having done nothing all day for days on end. With the greatest of respect, the chickens are coming home to some parents now, those who have not set up decent routines or values and have expected other people (teachers) to do this for them. How on earth do you think teachers cope with 30+ teenagers on your own at the same time all day? Obviously, different for parents of children with SN and that must be really, really tough.

MrsJBaptiste · 06/04/2020 08:12

My eldest (16) is like this, is up until 1am then sleeps in until 11am, and once they're in this pattern it's hard to break!

However once he's up he's sociable, gets his schoolwork done and goes out on his bike most days so I can't get too worked up about it. It will be different now as it's the Easter 'holidays' and there is much less schoolwork and more chance for him to stay up online or watching a film until the small hours.

BlueJava · 06/04/2020 08:13

Late teens here. Once is up all night one isn't. I've let them decide. I can't be doing with the hassle of it. As long as they stay in apart from allowed excerise I've let them do what they like.

Scruffyoak · 06/04/2020 08:13

Mine are 13 and 15 and honestly they are like vampires right now. Sleep all day and up all night. I'm a bad mum as I've left them to it .

Scruffyoak · 06/04/2020 08:14

You make a 17yr d go to bed at 11pm?

nostaples · 06/04/2020 08:18

I cannot believe the number of parents who are 'leaving their kids to it'. Great habits and values you are instilling while other people are risking their lives to keep yours safe! How are they going to cope with university or adult life with no self-discipline/ discipline or sense of responsibility? There are so many volunteering opportunities atm such as phoning vulnerable people from home. There will be no better opportunity for them to learn a new skill/ improve their fitness/ get their volunteering in for D of E etc etc. Are you happy with the idea of your kids looking back at this time with the awareness that they contributed absolutely nothing? You might think you are doing your kids a favour by getting of their backs but actually we all need routines and boundaries and validation, kids more than any others. You are not doing them any favours with this approach, simply abdicating your responsibiltiy as parents.

nostaples · 06/04/2020 08:19

'You make a 17yr d go to bed at 11pm?'

Both my teens are in bed before 11 and always have been. There is no reason to completely abandon routine. They're still making productive use of their days which they couldn't if they were up all night.

Dollywilde · 06/04/2020 08:21

From the age of about 15 - 19 my preference was to sleep the hours of 3am - 1pm, I remember I felt really jet lagged when living another schedule - even long term during school time. It just didn’t work for me although I obviously kept to it and attended school/uni.

I’m now 31 and I don’t think I’ve managed to stay up to 3am since my mid 20s! I’ve held down a job since graduation which involves running breakfast seminars and has me up at 4/5am regularly and I cope fine.

It doesn’t last forever and if there’s nothing they’re required to be up for I don’t understand why you’d have to be?

aut0replenish · 06/04/2020 08:22

It’s not about chickens coming to roost it’s about being locked indoors all day with nothing to do other than a daily walk. My dc had loads of school work, activities, voluntary work, a job...., they now have nothing. A couple will have some school work after Easter but it will still leave vast swaths of inactivity and one will have none.

Some people never miss a chance to broadcast their superior parenting skills, even during a pandemic.Hmm

GreyGardens88 · 06/04/2020 08:24

I remember being 15 to 17 and not being able to sleep until 1am or 2am on a school night and during the holidays up until 5am or all night on occasion. I think it's just normal at that age

Scruffyoak · 06/04/2020 08:25

Well, I don't believe controlling bedtime of an older teen IS good parenting anyway Confused

This is a new situation. They will adapt. I used to go to bed at 3am regularly, now I rarely stay up past 10. We adapt.

safariboot · 06/04/2020 08:31

It's quite common. I'm still prone to it. (I'd still be in bed now if I wasn't waiting for a plumber to arrive).

I think gadgets are an influence, and especially online interaction since the USA is several hours behind us, so any kind of online gaming or such with friends there is often very late UK time. Cutting off the tech at a reasonable hour will help.

But it's not healthy. It's also not on to disturb other people who are trying to sleep. Try and get them to understand that and to make an effort to get up at a reasonable time. Say an hour or two later than they would on a school day. Morning sunlight will help, as will something worth getting up for.

feelingdizzy · 06/04/2020 08:32

I'm trying to meet my teens halfway dd naturally wakes early ish,she is also really self motivated is going lots of online courses,decorated her room lots of stuff.Ds 16 isn't like this I wake him 10.30 or 11am he is to get up be dressed for lunch. He has to go for a walk every day, hes really musical so is playing and writing lots of music. Honestly my kids seem to be managing better than me ,they have both now finished school, have a huge swathe of time ahead of them. Which honestly fills me with dread,I'm a lone parent and this is such a strange time, we need to make changes and find a way to rub along,and have hope for a future.For us sticking rigidly to a routine wouldn't work but also staying up all night wouldn't be good. New way for a strange new way of life !

Original poster
Bottomplasters · 06/04/2020 08:37

I understand totally where you are coming from staples. I was brought up in a controlling household (not saying you are) and wasn't really allowed to make my own descions and I decided between a more laid back parenting style. The opposite of helicopter parent! I guess we do what we feel is right. Thank you Mumsnet!

OP posts:
nostaples · 06/04/2020 08:37

'with nothing to do'

Why? Why not read, exercise, watch films, play games, do school work, volunteer?

AStarSoBright · 06/04/2020 08:39

My 15 year old DS is awake until around 2 or 3 then sleeps until lunchtime, as are most if of his friends. He then gets up, does his school work, exercises and has a shower before disappearing back to his room.
These are strange times and, however much they put a brave face on it, kids are stressed, scared and missing their friends. We need to give them some slack.

nostaples · 06/04/2020 08:40

'I don't believe controlling bedtime of an older teen IS good parenting anyway'

I'm not sure what you mean by control.

My children have inherited my values and continue with routines well-established.

LOL at the idea that I send my children to bed at 9 pm on bread and water.

Also, quite telling that some people think that having decent expectations for decent behaviour from your children must somehow involve 'control' or cruelty.

Schools are obviously very cruel places then yet most of you are happy to send your teens there where the expectation is that they will follow rules and routines.

Also surprising how many mixed messages there are here. On the one hand people tearing their hair out because their kids do nothign and stay up all night, keeping their parents awake. On the other hand, saying it is 'controlling' to expect a modicum of respectful behaviour and productivity from your kids.

nostaples · 06/04/2020 08:43

It is not a kindness not to encourage routine and productivity to your children.

This causes a great deal more anxiety. This is well understood.

At this particular time, it is also odd that so many of you expect extraordinary feats of self-sacrifice and hard work from others while expecting nothing from your own children, even a modicum of help around the house.

Iamblossom · 06/04/2020 08:43

Hmm think I am somewhere in the middle of nostaples and the OP?

Mine are 13 and 15. They have to clear up after themselves, and do chores like empty the dishwasher, walk the dogs, help with cleaning, strip and make their beds once a week etc.

They tell me they are doing their school work and I believe them... But it's 5ish hours a week, hardly onerous. They are not doing anything extra. The elder one takes himself into the garden with his football, plays basketball in the drive, and uses his dad's home gym most days. The younger one has never liked physical exercise so does much less, but I am not forcing him.

They both stay up late and sleep late. I don't see any reason to nag them about this.

They are fully aware this is an unusual situation and when school opens again they will have an enforced bedtime.

nostaples · 06/04/2020 08:47

To be clear the OP is not happy with this situation. In fact, she is 'at breaking point'.

AStarSoBright · 06/04/2020 08:48

I don't expect anything from anybody. As you know nothing about me, my family and friends please don't judge.
As a family we are sticking to the rules, we don't leave our house except for food. We are all doing a volunteer role within the community. The fact my son chooses to do this at night is probably a bonus for the coordinators. I'm not going to judge your parenting so don't judge mine.

aut0replenish · 06/04/2020 08:50

There is no volunteering. Taking on of corona volunteers has been suspended. They no longer like reading, not into films or exercise in front of a tv. Will be doing some work next week but some will be self study and won’t take all day, very little to do round the house, can’t buy anything for the garden.... not everybody likes inactivity.