Job making me psychologically unwell. Don't know what to do.

[Beebityboo]

At the end of last year I finally got a job (working in care) after being at home for many years with the children. I was really happy the first two weeks but things have rapidly gone down hill.

I'm constantly physically and emotionally abused by the people I look after and the majority of the staff are bullying, unkind and seem to hate their jobs and each other.

The management don't support us enough and unless they want something from the kitchen, we never see them.

I really want to become a mental health nurse in the future and need this job for experience and (hopefully, if she'll provide one) a Ucas reference from my boss. We also really need the money.

It's getting to the point though that I'm becoming quite mentally unwell. I miss being a Sahm (youngest is only 5) and I miss being on top of things at home. I've already seen two dead bodies, multiple terrifying situations and so much sadness. I feel a bit traumatised by it all. I wasn't supported enough at all or trained adequately. I'm having frequent panic attacks.

If I quit now it wouldn't even be worth putting it on my already empty CV and I could forget a reference as I'm not even out of my probation period.

I just don't know what to do. I'm just dreading going back tomorrow and feel so trapped and unhappy.

I'm also terrified I will catch Coronavirus at work and spread it to my very unwell DD (I know this last point comes across as hysterical, but I'm feeling a bit that way).

Any support would be appreciated. I don't want to let DH down by telling him how much I'm really struggling .

Tell your DH. You'll be able to talk it all through with him, get his take on your options and also on your fears. Telling him doesn't mean you're going to give up the job - it might be that he can reassure you on some points and help you work out ways to improve things. On the other hand, he might have other ideas about different paths you can take to your goals, or what your family priorities are. Either way, you won't feel so alone in the problem.

DH knows that I'm finding it hugely difficult. Just not how much I want to quit . Feel like I'll be letting him down hugely at a time of real financial strain.

Are you sure becoming a mental health nurse is the right thing for you, if you are finding this job so upsetting (i am guessing a carer in a home of some sort?).

If you are still sure you need this kind of experience then there are many many jobs available in care homes and domicilary care: you should be able to get yourself lined up with something. It may be that the reputation of the home you are working at is well known.

If it’s that bad then let the CQC know - they don’t take complaints but they do gather evidence. Have you checked the home’s CQC rating?

Tell your DH.

Also, and I mean this kindly, are you sure about I really want to become a mental health nurse in the future. It sounds as though it may not be the career for you. NHS mental health funding is dire. I’m not sure the challenging situations you’re finding yourself in would be any better as a nurse - you’d just be better paid.

I work in a care home setting currently (and has a good rating with the CQC).
Mental health nursing would be different (I think). For one, I would have three to four years training and preperation and it could lead to careers in counselling etc and would be much better paid than what I do currently.
I also think you get more protection in that role. My career now is so vulnerable to false allegations from service users, other staff.
Another part of me feels like I just wasn't ready for it. My youngest is still little and is finding after school club hard.
Just all feels like a bit of a mess .

I understand all of the concerns about mental health nursing being a stressful role too. I just think it would be better paid, more fulfilling and could lead to a real career.

But you could train as a counsellor without being a mental health nurse?

I could but it's very expensive and a nursing degree would open lots other doors career wise.
This thread wasn't really meant to be about the future though. I might very well change my mind after the experiences I've had. I don't think daily physical assault should be an accepted part of any job .
I'm just finding my current role incredibly difficult and am not being supported at all there .

It sounds like your employer is the problem. Do you live in an area where care providers are crying out for workers?
Where I live you would be snapped up.

I've read quite a few threads on here from mental health nurses and the job sounds extremely stressful, with physical abuse towards staff being common place.

A really tough job OP, no way I could do it. You've had a taste of it working in this care role, I wouldn't pursue a career in it. Surely there are plenty of other nursing roles you could consider instead?

This could be an option, www.skillsforcare.org.uk/Careers-in-care/Job-roles/Roles/Personal-assistant.aspx

OP if you really want to become a mental health nurse, please look at the issues in your current job and how it affects you.

Because by the sounds of it there is a part of you that takes things personal and you let things get to you. How would a mental health setting be different?
My advice is, before you start on your career path, please work in all different types of settings over the next 2 years, make sure it is for you!

Please don't underestimate what being a mental health nurse entails. They deal with some distressing scenarios and upsetting situations. I won't elaborate. But believe me is isn't for the faint hearted.

You don't really sound cut out for the reality of it. And yes, I would leave your present job. Nothing is worth developing poor mental health.

Lovey, a MH nurse will almost certainly be assaulted in the day job, have to deal with suicides, will definitely receive incredible amounts of verbal abuse and threats, and the entire job is about dealing with sadness - whether lived experiences, depression, psychosis or other types.

Wanting to be a MH nurse is a laudable goal, but the reality of the work is not flowers and kittens.

My best friend is an ex-MH nurse, and I know her experiences reflect mine. I was a police officer, and saw it all too.

If care work and the experiences you are having here are affecting you so badly, please please rethink your plans to go into MH. Counselling is also a highly emotive job but less physically threatening I suppose, and takes many years of training.

Have you had counselling yourself? It might help right now, and help you find a solution to your long term plans.

Sounds horrible @Beebityboo. I have worked in various care settings (through agency care work) and over and over again the thing that shocked me was not the work itself, but the attitude of those that I worked alongside. I then became extremely picky about where I would work as I knew that, like you, I would get no support from my colleagues and it felt shit.
You're right to not make a decision on your future training based on this current job. Just because you are struggling with this does not mean you are not cut out for mental health nursing or indeed counselling.
Non of what I just said helps with how you must be feeling about having to go back there though. I wish there was a solution that would help you keep your job because people who care (which you clearly do) are so vital and we need more people like you, not those who intimidate or bully. If this doesn't work out for you there will be other opportunities. Could you try being brutally honest with your manager about considering leaving and see where that takes you?

It is an incredibly hard job you are doing, OP. I also am not sure mental health nursing will be a whole lot easier (I work in mental health and know a lot of very traumatised and burnt out MH nurses). Mental health nursing also doesn’t lead to careers in counselling without further (expensive) training (not to mention years of unpaid work while you qualify, etc). And there are hardly any counselling jobs unless you want to go into private practice (which means room rental, supervision fees, insurance and professional membership costs etc)

If you want more support from your employers and not to have to deal with vicarious trauma (which you are totally reasonable to do!) I’d advise looking for work outside of the NHS and care companies, sadly. I am sure you can find other work to suit your talents and capabilities. Look after yourself.

Perhaps look for similar work with a better employer?

Talk to your DH. If you feel the lack of managerial support and training structure at work is the problem rather than the nature of caring itself then try another company.

Are you in a service for those with psychiatric issues/ severe learning disabilities? Maybe a hospice or elderly care home would help you get more used to the work. Dying will still happen and there may be behavioural issues- but in a slightly calmer environment? I volunteer at a hospice and illness/ death is treated as very dignified and routine. Although families are of course often devastated, it is not a sad atmosphere.

You could then maybe 'work up to' somewhere more challenging.

It is not worth ruining your own mental health over a job. I have been there. Nobody thanks you for it. Find something else and move on. I'm sure wherever you are there are loads of care opportunities.

Or an easier job, eg retail, while you reflect on whether nursing is a good idea for you. I decided against it!

Op if you’re honestly finding caring to stressful then you have got literally zero hope as a mental health worker. Imagine the abuse you get from patients and the traumatic things you’ve witnessed, then times it by 100. And don’t count on getting any more support either

Why not consider adult nursing instead of mental health? You could switch to a general nursing/residential home for work experience, which, although hard physical work, won't be as mentally challenging.
A general nursing degree will open plenty of doors for you, career-wise.

Can you manage without your pay? If so - honestly, I’d ditch the job, have another 6 months or year at home and try again in a better environment. Care facilities are not all the same.

I think my biggest issue is I'm still very thin skinned compared to my co workers. I never take the comments personally in that I know the majority of them can't help but lash out, but it still really rattles me every time I'm hit/sworn at/spat on, especially because I adore most of them and am trying so hard. I've cried in the toilets a few times .
I can deal with most aspects of the job fine. I just wish I was tougher .

I worked on an acute psych ward for over 10 years. If you are finding residents being rude to you emotionally draining then I would question your ability to work in mental health. Its not an easy job- its often thank less and you are seeing people at their worst point emotionally and mentally. Ive had many patients swear at me and say rude or inappropriate things. You have to develop a thick skin otherwise you cannot do your job. I'm sorry but this isn't the career for you if you find this too hard. It gets 100 times worse when people are floridly psychotic or depressed.

Btw, I am not a nurse myself (I know several MH nurses) but agree with those saying the job is very challenging and can involve physical threats, death etc. My advice is more for if you decide you do want to continue with this goal but this particular post is not working out.

There are always other areas of nursing too.