Job making me psychologically unwell. Don't know what to do.

[Beebityboo]

At the end of last year I finally got a job (working in care) after being at home for many years with the children. I was really happy the first two weeks but things have rapidly gone down hill.

I'm constantly physically and emotionally abused by the people I look after and the majority of the staff are bullying, unkind and seem to hate their jobs and each other.

The management don't support us enough and unless they want something from the kitchen, we never see them.

I really want to become a mental health nurse in the future and need this job for experience and (hopefully, if she'll provide one) a Ucas reference from my boss. We also really need the money.

It's getting to the point though that I'm becoming quite mentally unwell. I miss being a Sahm (youngest is only 5) and I miss being on top of things at home. I've already seen two dead bodies, multiple terrifying situations and so much sadness. I feel a bit traumatised by it all. I wasn't supported enough at all or trained adequately. I'm having frequent panic attacks.

If I quit now it wouldn't even be worth putting it on my already empty CV and I could forget a reference as I'm not even out of my probation period.

I just don't know what to do. I'm just dreading going back tomorrow and feel so trapped and unhappy.

I'm also terrified I will catch Coronavirus at work and spread it to my very unwell DD (I know this last point comes across as hysterical, but I'm feeling a bit that way).

Any support would be appreciated. I don't want to let DH down by telling him how much I'm really struggling .

OP I have experience in MH work.
I would recommend applying fir HCA post.
I know a lot if HCAs who are now trading as
qualified MH nurses.
There is a lot of support within the hierarchy of that post which is lacking in your current situation

I’m sorry they didn’t find a place for you on a M&B unit that must have been hard being separated from your DS.

Depending where you live, can you find a job in a different care setting? There are tonnes of vacancies around here, it seems like you really want to give it a shot but the current environment isn't working for you. If you find the same issues then perhaps it would be time to re-evaluate? Mental health nursing as you probably know is extremely challenging these days, especially with the chronic underfunding and many leaving the profession so understaffing. Is it really what you want to do? It isn't their fault as they are poorly, but it's likely you will encounter many patients who abuse you in that role which if you are thin skinned will take its toll (perhaps physically as well), and shift work is draining enough as it is.

I would not consider mental health nursing. Look at adult nursing or the many allied health care fields - Physiotherapy or occupational therapy, etc.

OP can I ask, why are you drawn to MH nursing specifically rather than another specialty?

I think your reactions are very normal for most people, but most people could not really cope with this job. It's very hard.

I think people are encouraging you to think down the line because if it's not the best fit for you, then you can quit and try something different.

You are extremely naive if you think you get better protected because you are RMN, you get none, the buck stops with you. I think you to rethink a complete new career change because I don't think Nursing is for you.

I agree with the suggestion that you look for a less stressful job initially and when you have become used to being a working mum, you start to look for something that supports your longer term goals.

It does sound as if your employer is not at all supportive but you will need to develop a lot more resilience if you going to work in a care home or as a mental health nurse and that might be a step too far at this stage.

At the moment I'm too overwhelmed to even think beyond next week.
I do really want to give it a shot. I love working with the elderly and feeling like I did something really worth while at the end of the day.
I just wish it was a more supportive environment and I felt safer doing the job.
Lots to think about I think.

Had you discounted a HCA in a non mental health setting? It would fulfil your caring side. My mum is having treatment for cancer and the difference the quality of the HCAs make is very apparent. She has been very upset by one or two very very poor ones and idiotic comments they’ve made. It must be very fulfilling being a HCA to vulnerable patients like my mum and knowing you’ve helped to make their day more bearable.

? HCA

I have considered that Curly, but I think I would need a bit more experience (and possibly an NVQ) to get a role within the NHS.

Going back into work after 10 years is quite a change for yo7 let alone in a challenging role. You say you love looking after the elderly - would you consider geriatrics.

Yep mh nurse here we get physically and emotionally abused, if your not resilient it can take you down. I've seen many people crying, off sick and having to change careers cos it's not a profession that you feel rewarded from. Many people don't feel that your felling them and at end up burnt out.

Could you afford to take on an apprenticeship to get your experience? They’re not just for youngsters anymore but I think it does depend what proper qualifications you already have and at what level as to whether you would be eligible.

If you could manage financially on a training wage for a year then that’s your qualification and your experience gained for your CV and you could then look for a proper job.

SunHill. I have lots of experience of hospitals and been in mental health settings. I can state as a fact you have more physical protection as a nurse than you do in my current job setting. You have three years real training and support and as someone stated, personal alarms etc. There is nothing like that where I work. I will also say again, I don't think that finding all this difficult after only eight weeks experience makes me unsuitable to go in to nursing.
I will fully admit I need to toughen up though, I really do.

I hadn't actually considered an apprenticeship Curly, I might look in to that. Thanks.

I had placements like you describe as part of my RMN training. Elderly people with advanced dementia, incredibly challenging. Honestly it was gruelling emotionally and physically. If this is hard adding academic work on top won’t make it easier. It broke me in the end. If I had the chance again I would become a children’s nurse. I think this might be a much better route for you too and you could probably get experience working with children which would help in your application.

I would leave. Your mental health is worth more than money. You will cope.

Get a job at an agency and do care work on a temp basis. Then you never get stuck at one place for too long, and actually get way more experience for your CV being in a variety of settings.

yy to exploring apprenticeships and HCA roles. If not, yy to looking into care work in other settings.

You have been very clear here that the lack of training, lack of support from management and lack of risk assessing are issues which are holding you back in your job and putting your own health at risk.

There are good employers and not so good employers. If you moved to working within a different organisation, you would still be getting valuable experience which could go on a cv. Look after yourself. You have young children too to care for. You do not have to achieve all of your goals in this job - if it's not right, look around. You cannot change the culture of an employer if you have been there just 2 months and are starting to learn. You can work elsewhere and explore the different ways that different employers manage the stresses of care work. That will stand you in good stead for your uni application too.

So don't feel loyalty to this one organisation. Look around and see what other options are available, then you will be in a much better situation to judge what is right or not, for you.

And can I also point out Adult Nursing you still get abused, punched, spat at etc. I think perhaps Early Years May suit you better OP, children are wonderful to work with and I think you would suit it much better.

You either have to grow a really thick skin or find another job. I've done both in my time.
In my current job people seem unable to approach each other like decent human beings and instead put in a formal complaint if you put any kind of foot wrong so you are constantly explaining yourself to management for a spelling mistake, being 5 minutes late from being stuck in an accident and so on and so forth.
I find it tedious but my skin is thick enough to deal with it.

Can emotional resilience be developed? Will I always feel this sensitive?
To be honest I've been mostly a shut in as a Sahm. Don't have many friends, haven't been in lots of social situations without the DC's. So not only am I doing this really challenging job I'm also getting used to just, being around people again. I think that's partly why I'm taking things so much more to heart than I thought I would.

I think your updates show you've really jumped into the deep end of the pool here. Totally agree it would be better to get on your feet as a working mum, getting used to lots of social interaction first, and work gradually toward your long term goal. Perhaps start by working part time somewhere and volunteering once a week in acharity for the elderly. Get some work experience and more knowledge of all the service provision out there. Even six months of that will help you take the next step, working full time.

If you want to work with the elderly, look for a job in a residential care home rather than an EMI setting. Or look at becoming an Activities Coordinator in a nursing home. There are other roles available that don't involve feeling threatened, frightened and apprehensive. Plus you say your colleagues are bullying - this isn't a good environment for anyone to work in. You've done 8 weeks, you're not a failure for admitting you can't hack it anymore.

I don't think it's a good idea to become a mental health nurse when you are mentally unstable yourself. Go back to being a SAHM and find a less stressful admin job or something.