Job making me psychologically unwell. Don't know what to do.

[Beebityboo]

At the end of last year I finally got a job (working in care) after being at home for many years with the children. I was really happy the first two weeks but things have rapidly gone down hill.

I'm constantly physically and emotionally abused by the people I look after and the majority of the staff are bullying, unkind and seem to hate their jobs and each other.

The management don't support us enough and unless they want something from the kitchen, we never see them.

I really want to become a mental health nurse in the future and need this job for experience and (hopefully, if she'll provide one) a Ucas reference from my boss. We also really need the money.

It's getting to the point though that I'm becoming quite mentally unwell. I miss being a Sahm (youngest is only 5) and I miss being on top of things at home. I've already seen two dead bodies, multiple terrifying situations and so much sadness. I feel a bit traumatised by it all. I wasn't supported enough at all or trained adequately. I'm having frequent panic attacks.

If I quit now it wouldn't even be worth putting it on my already empty CV and I could forget a reference as I'm not even out of my probation period.

I just don't know what to do. I'm just dreading going back tomorrow and feel so trapped and unhappy.

I'm also terrified I will catch Coronavirus at work and spread it to my very unwell DD (I know this last point comes across as hysterical, but I'm feeling a bit that way).

Any support would be appreciated. I don't want to let DH down by telling him how much I'm really struggling .

We could manage without the pay, but barely. No wriggle room or money for treats etc if I quit until next year when some debt is paid off, so I'd feel hugely guilty.

I agree with the others, it doesn’t sound like you have the right mindset for a job in mental health work. I don’t want to seem harsh but seeing dead bodies is a fact of life and if you want to work in the medical field this simply can’t be allowed to be a distressing factor for you.

Like others I’m also wondering why you don’t just do an ordinary nursing degree, why the draw towards mental health nursing? It sounds like it would be more of the same, just better paid, and you can get the same pay in a different area of nursing which would suit you much better, surely?

But the main thing that screams out from your post is that you just don’t want to work at all and would prefer tospend the time supporting your DD (although presumably if she is very sick you would not be in work at all?) and keeping on top of housework.

I get it. Many people feel resentful at having to go out to work when they want to do the nurturing role at home. I wish life was set up so that that role was valued and affordable. But it’s not unfortunately, for most people. I think this is the biggest adjustment in your mindset you’ll have to make to be honest. Discuss it with your DH but if there is really no other choice financially you need to just suck it up and think of the future, while perhaps looking at other possibilities/workplaces/experiences to get you where you want to be.

How many weeks or months have you been there? Reference wise.

Look for another job? Try not to quit, until you've got one, is best. If you can just hold on. Ideally.

The job, the other employees, and the management do sound rubbish though.

But you also really need to consider whether this is a job for you many of these things like residents passing away shouldn't really bother you. It's sad, but it's natural. Part of the job.

Please, please talk to your Dh though.

Yeah,I forgot to say that on a psych ward we all had to wear personal alarms and if pressed, it shows your location and loads of staff come running to your aid. In 10 years on a psych ward I was never physically assaulted but I came about a hairs breadth away from it a few times. We also had to learn control and restraint techniques in case we were attacked. Its really, really not for anyone with a nervous disposition.

I truly say this with love - but I don't think you're cut out to care for those with MH issues.

I'd either find a job in a residential home where the MH aspect isn't so prominent or change career altogether. Try shop work, maybe , or administration

Sorry, me again! Cross posted with OP twice.

What jumped out was that you said you get upset because you feel attached to the service users and it affects you when they behave violently despite knowing they can't help it.

You have been out of the workplace quite a long time.

Again, if you do want to continue in this field, could you maybe look for a mentor or any advice on how to develop a professional detachment so you feel these things less personally?

I would find another job. See if another aspect of care work would suit you better than MH.

Don’t worry about a reference.

I've only been there eight weeks and had no experience prior. I think lots of people would find this role challenging given the circumstances and I don't feel that my sensitivity towards death/assault after only eight weeks experience makes me fundamentally unsuitable to work in mental health or nursing.
I want to stay, I just want to be better supported and I wish things were more together at home so I didn't have to worry constantly about that too.
I've never been a working mum before, I'm in awe of them now. It really is so tough.

Two things

• if you don't like your employer colleagues or set up, change jobs asap
• if you struggle with the type of work (by the sounds of it) find a different job asap.

MH nursing is probably one of the hardest jobs anyone could ever do. I have been a patient under MH services for years. I saw a woman repeatedly smashing her head against a wall to stop voices and saw many other disturbing things when an in patient. How would you feel about restraining a patient who is trying to run away and begging you to let them leave? Could you listen to people telling you about really evil things that happened to them. Could you also listen to people telling you things they have done that are terrible?

Counselling sounds a great option if your a caring person. I could do it in the way that I could cope with the horrors of it all because nothing humans do to each other surprises me. People that work in those arenas have to be really mentally robust. You are obviously a caring person and will have known many people with depression and anxiety, people may have even shared some stuff with you and you see posting about it on social, media. But when you delve further and deeper in to the world of mental health it’s far more disturbing it’s not just listening to people who feel a bit sad though there are many it’s listening and helping people at the most unwell level whose sadness and trauma makes them really disturbed.if you go in to MH nursing you will meet those people as I assume you have to do all kinds of care at every level.

If your job is making you really mentally unwell you really need to leave.do not risk your MH. What your experiencing is situational depression and anxiety probably.

It sounds pretty grim OP. Have you any idea how you might feel about the realities of the job itself if your colleagues were supportive and pleasant? Do you think the abuse from service users would be something you could get used to in time if your colleagues were ok?

I worked with adults with SEN and it was relentlessly hard and an every day part of the work was being spat at or kicked or having something thrown at you. But the people I worked in were lovely and that made such a difference. The people in your care are in crisis and unwell which will bring the very worst out in them and they can’t help lashing out. But if there’s no support and the people you work with are bullying and unkind then it sounds toxic.

Your health is precious and if staying in this environment is making you ill then it’s not sustainable.

If you can imagine the job in a better setting then can you look for a different setting. If the thought of the actual job with very distressed people who aren’t currently capable of rational, acceptable behaviour is still making you feel terrible (and that is nothing to be ashamed of at all if it does) then it’s time for a major re-think. Your health and well-being is precious.

If it's door to door caring that's well known as a rubbish set up. Mental health nursing is well supported and well trained.
Look fir something else OP

? HCA in local MH ward

Switch to another care home.

Mimi we have no protection at all. I'm frequently expected to provide personal care to physically threatening men who are twice my size, one of whom responds especially violently towards me because of some unknown trigger I set off in him. I have been sectioned (many years ago) for post natal depression and I remember there was a security guard, many safety precautions and the staff were remarkably well trained and professional. It is not the case in my current job.

There are much easier jobs for similar wages - you don’t need to stay in this one.

There are two issues. The working mum thing and the type of job itself. Maybe the 2 are not a good combination for you. Have you considered a much less stressful job in a different area while you all adjust to you being a working mum, and after a year or two, you will have got into a routine on that side of things, cleared your debts and so will hopefully have more of an idea on what career choice is actually right for your situation?

I don't feel that my sensitivity towards death/assault after only eight weeks experience makes me fundamentally unsuitable to work in mental health or nursing

The reason people are saying this is because you are basically thinking of going right from the frying pan into the fire. If you are already struggling with the frying pan, its really not wise to put yourself into a situation that will be 100 times more challenging- both emotionally and physically. That doesnt mean you cant learn to deal with it but you need to do this in gradual steps. Until you feel you can cope with your current level of challenge it makes no sense whatsoever to escalate it to a higher level. If you really want to go into MH then why not do some voluntary work for a mental health charity or see if you can help at a day centre. That way you'll get a taste of what its like without having huge responsibility placed on your shoulders.

I do take your point about training etc.

That would be a good option Curly. The issue is no one would hire me as I have a pretty pathetic CV and have been out of work for a decade.
I'm sorry to be negative everyone. I am grateful for the support/suggestions. I'm just feeling very overwhelmed and anxious at the moment but don't want to give up either.

I’m assuming you were in a mother and baby unit? I have been a patient in one those and also a patient on a general psyche ward. The ratio of staff on M&B units is very different because there are babies on it. It’s basically the rolls Royce of a MH experience because of those babies needing to be safe.

Hey

I quit a 12 year career because it affected my mental health. I pushed myself for SO long, because of the wages, circumstances, quitting is scary.

But if you keep putting yourself through more stress than you can handle right now, you'll end up like me and have a mental breakdown, which was really hard to recover from and to be honest, I don't think I'll ever be back to 'normal'

I had to quit my job in Starbucks because I couldnt even walk in the building

Then I worked in a coffee shop for 6 months whilst I was looking for something more suitable. It meant at least I was paying the bills and had time to search for something else.

Your mental health is far more important than anything else, trust me. If you want a good solid future career, quit this horrible environment and find something else. Xxx

Whatever you do don't train as a counsellor, there are no 'jobs' most are self employed and struggle to make a decent income. There is a huge variety of roles within mh nursing, not all are on wards or inpatient settings (far more community posts tbh). Training, support and supervision can all help you manage some of the upsetting situations you are describing. The most important thing is the quality of your local NHS trust, you may be in an area with a specialist MH trust. Look up their cqc reports and their NHS staff survey. There is huge variation, some trusts are great (East London) others you didn't pay me enough to work there. This matters enormously as the culture and how they treat staff and patients is key. They are likely to be your main source of employment.
You could also consider Occupational therapy training as they can have roles in MH?

I wasn't Vald, it was a general inpatient female unit. My son was six months old when I had my breakdown.

What I meant was meet my boss in a coffee shop rather than go to work building to meet him. Didn't work in Starbucks 😂

What about an admin job in a mental health day centre? I’ve seen posts advertised, although admittedly not very well paid. The person spec did stress that qualities like a calm nature and sensitivity towards those with mental health problems. I bet you would learn a lot about mental health care just by being involved with the admin side of it, you would learn a lot from your nursing/psych colleagues but in a much less stressful way, from the sidelines. And could decide if it’s for you or not.