What would you do if you wanted a dog but your dh didn’t ?

[Lardlizard]

How can you make a compromise on that one

ExH wanted a dog. Well, he one day announced (out of the blue) that he would be getting a dog, and if I didn't like it, I could f* off.

At that point, I was working full-time, and juggling looking after 2 children/taking them to childcare etc. He was drinking (I knew about that, I thought he was addressing the alcohol addiction - turns out he wasn't), taking drugs (unbeknownst to me) and was a complete mess. I told him that if he did get a dog, I'd have the dog rehomed and he could find another place to live. He decided against it. I don't have a problem with dogs, but I knew that all the work involved with looking after it would be left to me, and I had enough on my plate. I was also struggling to keep afloat financially. It would not have been fair on the dog at all.

In our case, had he been sober/clean/responsible, I wouldn't have had an issue with having a dog. I would have trusted that he would look after it/walk it/feed it whilst I was at work. ExH and I have separated now, and the kids have mentioned having a dog or cat. Again, all very nice, but we're all out of the house for a large chunk of the day (they're at school and I'm at work). I've explained to them that it wouldn't be fair on the dog, so they understand that. I have said that every few months we can re-look at the situation. We do have a snake (my snake - I've had him since 2000), so I've suggested that they research all the work involved with looking after dogs/cats/reptiles and make a decision based on that. I figured that would be a good way to talk things through and come to a compromise of sorts. :)

I wanted a dog and dh didn’t want it. So we had an agreement that I would look after it, walk it, and pay for it. It would be my dog.
So I got a cairn terrier, and I took charge of it.

Dh warmed to the dog and grew quite fond of it. We divorced some years later , I moved out of the family home and I couldn’t take the dog with me, so I asked Dh if he would take the dog and he agreed.

I would get the dog or leave DH.

Luckily he knows how important the dog(s) are to me so is happy with the compromise of not having to look after them but allowing me to have them.

I wouldn’t like to be in a relationship without compromise.

I would get a dog. I did get a dog.
I genuinely feel like something is missing without a dog in my life.
I have the time and money to care for the dog. And my husband doesn’t have to do anything at all with him. A year and a half down the line my husband love the dog more than life itself and they are best buddies and I am generally the third wheel.
I’m thinking it’s time to let dh know that we need a second dog...

@dozer why though ?

Why what?

Ive never wanted a dog...im a cat person but just dont have the money or energy to have a cat of my own at the moment...my partner has 2 giant dogs and ive become rather fond of them.

@Dozer why do the wishes of the person who doesn't want a pet trump those of the person who does ?

OP is that you?
I am really bloody scared of snakes. I literally couldn’t stay living in the house if my DH brought one home.
If someone really doesn’t want something then either you don’t stay with them or you don’t have it. How can you not understand that?

V unfair on animals if one of two adults in a household, who would be responsible for their care, don’t want them. Just one adult to have sole responsibility are unrealistic when a couple cohabits: there are immediate cost and practical issues, eg cleaning, and things change, eg illness, job changes. In practice both adults are responsible.

Because you are forcing commitment and lifestyle restrictions on someone who is rejecting all that and either has no interest or actively objects, OP.

@3rdNamechange, lots of reasons. Dogs especially are a huge tie. It’s almost impossible to just go away for the weekend on the spur of the moment, or if you have particularly needy dogs even out for a long day. They can be quite a strain on the budget, not just for food but insurance, vets bills, replacement of things they’ve chewed... They depend on you and want to be with you or on you all the time (obviously depends on their personality). We share our bed with 3 who snore and fart and wriggle all night.

None of these things would endear someone who wasn’t keen on animals in the first place, and unless you are both happy to put up with the drawbacks I think they would cause friction in any relationship. Spending upwards of £2000 of “family money” for an operation because the dog ate your best watch? Yeah, you’d only do that if you really love that dog. If the dog person is in bed with flu for a week, can they rely on the no dog person to walk the dog twice a day in the pissing rain or snow?

So many reasons why both parties have to be totally on board or it doesn’t happen.

I wanted a dog, DH didnt, so we got a dog.
2 years later i wanted a second one and DH didnt, so we now have 2 dogs!

Presumably it wasn’t a “deal breaker” for your DH and he is OK with his wishes having been ignored and sharing the cost, effort and responsibility for dogs: fair enough.

We would have a conversation about it. I would expect dp to at least consider having a dog if it was something I wanted a lot (unless he was allergic).

Glue feathers on it and say it's a rare parrot.

Borrow my doggy

I wanted a cat, my partner at the time didn’t, I got a cat. I wanted to become a Dad, my partner didn’t, I became a Dad. Both preferable to the abusive, cheating twat.

I agree that everyone in the family needs to be on board. It is possible to change your mind though. When DS and I met, I liked cats but not dogs, in general I was afraid of them. DH wanted a dog, hated cats. We agreed no pets.

Roll on several years of DS asking for a dog and us saying no, for some reason I started to come round to the idea of getting a small dog . We spent several months looking at dog breeds until we came up with one we all agreed on and 3 years ago we got a Jack Russell puppy who at the moment is curled up asleep on my lap and I wouldn't be without him.

I don't think at the OP is actually thinking of getting a dog ..... it's more a discussion point I think ?

My ex had a dog. His ex had given him an ultimatum, dog or her. That’s why she was an ex. I wouldn’t want a dog but I liked his dog and he did all the work. Now, though, if my husband wanted a dog I’d oppose it (he’s a cat person, luckily). It would be a dealbreaker now.

If people want different things and there’s no reasonable compromise, it’s down to the person who wants the dog/baby etc to decide whether it’s a dealbreaker.