What would you do if you wanted a dog but your dh didn’t ?

[Lardlizard]

How can you make a compromise on that one

I split up with someone over this. I wanted a cat. He wanted a dog. No compromise to be had. He came home with a fucking dog one day. I left the following.

You may not be able to plan everything before you get married but things such as whether you want children and how many you are likely to want (not great if one of you wants 1 and the other wants 6), whether you are open to having a pet or completely against it, where you want to live etc should be discussed.

I know couples who never discussed whether or not they wanted children and, on the whole, that hasn't worked out well. Finding out after marriage that one of you wants children and one doesn't is certainly not a recipe for a happy and long lasting marriage!

It really does seem that some couples barely talk

You don’t plan to being another living thing into a house without every adult being on board (and views of children taken into account) if every adult isn’t up for it then it shouldn’t happen.

Get a new DH

You dont get one op, unless less you both agree. Otherwise it isn't fair to the dog, to return it after a month because your husband doesnt like it. Have you considered a cat? Ask your husband, if a cat might suit you both instead.

I think this is the same as as a discussion about a baby.
The person who says no trumps the person who says yes. To do otherwise is unfair on the third life brought into the situation.

You don’t get a dog.

I was lucky in a way. I think had I not had a dog when DH and I met, we’d not have had a dog at all. He was dead set against it... but I moved in, and my boy came too, of course, and now DH adores the dog!

If it were a case of opposing opinions on kids however, we’d split. There’s not a compromise to be found.

You don’t get a dog (or have a baby, or another baby to answer your later post).

Have you heard of the Cinnamon Trust? You could see if anyone needs help locally walking and looking after their dog. There could even be occasional need for foster carers which may or may not be something your DH would be agreeable to.

Same situation as @Southmouth here. I wanted one, dh didn't so we didn't get one for a few years. We got chickens instead!
But, I still really wanted a dog and said all the walks, training etc would be down to me. I had some money my mum gave me which I used to pay for my pup and we found one quite quickly. She is almost 8 now, and for the past 3 years, dh has been coming on walks with use due to a heart scare. He still doesn't clean up after her, unless it's only him walking her which is very rare indeed. He loves her a lot and she him.
Talk to your dh and find out, if you don't already know, why he doesn't want one. My dh didn't as his mum had them and they weren't trained so were just chaos!

You don't get a dog. They're a huge commitment. I always kind of knew that, and we had a dog when I was little so I thought I realised they were hard work, but my sister (very local, I see her 2 or 3 times a week) recently got a rescue and her life has changed completely, it's as if she's had another child in some ways. I don't think it would ever really work if someone in the household was against having the dog.

Dh didn't want a dog but was happy for us to get a dog - he just didn't want to take any responsibility for it - I said no - a dog is a part of the family everyone has to be on board. Kids were not allowed to harass him about it either. He gave in about 6 months later and the dog and him are besotted with each other. The dog is a (lovely) pain in the butt - but we all love him to bits - so no one really minds.

I´m afraid the answer is don't get a dog. It wouldn't be kind to the dog to bring it into a family where it wasn't wanted. Dogs want to be fully part of family life.

We got a dog.

You can't get one.

Not the same but when I was 9 my family got a cat despite me insisting I really don't like animals and didn't want one. I hated it and felt very unsettled in my own home for the rest of the time I lived there. The bastard thing didn't die until I was 20! I still look back and think it was very unfair of them to overrule me.

We renegotiated every few years. In that time, he got more used to dogs, and eventually agreed to one.

You don't have to nag, just discuss it at intervals.

If you’d any sense you’d get hens instead.

I’m afraid you can’t get one sadly if he’s not on board. However it would be a dealbreaker for me & id leave if he really wouldn’t have one

Divorce him.

Dogs were always a non-negotiable for me. I desperately wanted one so made this clear when DH and I got engaged. He wasn't as fussed as me but is a v supportive DH so when we got them (was lucky enough to get two ) he was on board 100%.

Don't get a dog if your DH doesn't want one. The puppy period can be very stressful and if you have a dog pooing and weeing all over the house, chewing your house to bits PLUS a pissed off DH, you will feel overwhelmed. Dog ownership is extremely rewarding but would be hard work / stressful with an unsupportive partner in the mix.

@thatmustbenigelwiththebrie

Not the same but when I was 9 my family got a cat despite me insisting I really don't like animals and didn't want one

I still look back and think it was very unfair of them to overrule me

It really wasn't unfair, it was a cat not a lion, you were 9... you sound like you were a right little dictator

I wanted a kitten, my DH didn't. We discussed it again many times, not in a nagging way. Just reasonable conversations revisiting the decision and pros v cons. We now have a kitten.

My DM wanted a dog, DF didn’t, I got one and hid it in the coal shed. We had that dog a long time.

My DH wasn't keen on a dog for various practical reasons (nothing against dogs) so I made sure I sorted out all the potential issues, then we got a dog.

I think you need to listen to all his reasons for not wanting a dog, and discuss them. Didn't the topic ever come up in conversation before? My dc are both dog mad and I know for a fact it would be a deal breaker if they met someone who wasn't willing to consider having a dog.

Things like this should be discussed before you decide to spend the rest of your life with someone. Honestly do people not have basic conversations about what they want out of life before they get engaged or move in together? As for waiting till after marriage to figure out if you both want children...really? Really??

If this is normal, there’s no wonder so many marriages break down

People change, really is that not obvious? how do you know 20 years prior that you may one day want a dog?

I wouldn’t get one- not fair on the dog.

You don’t get one, you both have to want it. It’s a bigger commitment than people think.