Innocuous conversations that you have overheard that have stayed with you...

[drownininplaymobil]

When my dc were pre-schoolers, I was in some toilets in a church, wrestling various small humans with their pants/handwashing etc.
A student (I think) came in and said to her friend "My hair felt weird so I thought I'd come and have a look at it in the mirror".
I can remember at the time wondering when the last time was that I had time to look in a mirror other than when I was brushing my teeth. And slightly resenting the fact that this gorgeous young thing had the freedom to just saunter about noticing how her hair 'felt'.
Such a small throwaway comment but it really stuck with me. Anyone else?

BlueBolts my favourite auntie - salt of the earth - came to watch me playing in a very fancy orchestra once. As the cellists trooped onto the stage she shouted enthusiastically “OOOH LOOK AT THEM BIG VIOLINS!”

Walking my dog through the park with DP and we overheard a really grumpy-looking boy of about 6 tell his completely harassed-looking mother that he was going to put himself up for adoption when he got home.

When DP has done something to piss me off I regularly now tell him I'm putting myself up for adoption.

Walking through York, I overheard a young woman talking loudly in a local accent on her phone:

'Yeah, well I'm here. Where are you? ...I'm standing right next to that big pointy thing.'

She was referring to York Minster

Which henceforth was known as 'the big pointy thing' in our family..:

Standing at the bar next to two women:

"I was ironing and he just walked in and slapped his dick down in front of me."

"What did you do?"

"I ironed it."

Woman 1 - you know Ann Walsh
Woman 2 - I’m not sure I do
Woman 1 - you do! You do! You know, Ann Walsh who got slapped in the face by a monkey!

Sometime I just text this to my sister and we still cry laughing

When my mum was still alive and on holiday with my dad they would start conversations deliberately for others to hear.

Dad: "Are you sure this is Amsterdam?"
Mum:"Of course it is, look canals, boats, water all around, obviously Amsterdam"

They were on a boat on the Grand Canal in Venice.

Overheard on the way up an escalator:

First woman: So why did you dump him?

Second woman: He fucked like a chauffeur and his wardrobe was full of suitcases.

I think I know what she meant but would be interested in other people's interpretations

What do you expect with a user name like that

Who are you talking to, littlemeitslyn?

On top of the Empire State Building, an American guy and his kid, who was impressed by how far he could see. “Where’s that, Dad?” “That’s New Jersey, son.” “Is that another country?” “Kinda, kid. Kinda.”

In an underpass in Colchester, two blokes. “Colchester’s old, isn’t it, got a lot of Roman stuff, Colchester.” “Yeah. Mind you I was in Rome last week, they got loads more Roman stuff there.”

And at the open day of the local grammar, which was a good deal posher than my primary school, as we looked round the canteen. Council estate me already felt like I was in Malory Towers when someone’s dad shrieked in Giles Brandreth like tones of upper class delight “Elsbeth! They’ve got sticky buns!”

Moved back to England after several years living abroad, taking my kids to their new, local village, school I heard another mum shout to her child
"Get out the road or I'll kick the shit out of yer!"
Made me want to run screaming back to foreign lands!

Overheard on Queen Street in Cardiff in the early hours of a Saturday morning:

Drunk woman (holding a bag of chips): you don't loves me though do you.

Drunk man: I do.

Drunk woman: no you don't, you don't loves me.

Drunk man: I do, I buys you chips, I has sex with you, course I loves you.

I'm still trying to figure this one out. Two women having a coffee together in their garden (backing onto mine, so I didn't know them) and obviously looking at photos when one says as if correcting the other, "no, MY Dad is YOUR uncle." How can you get this wrong? They carried on discussing how they were related and I went back inside for a sit down!

Went to Hadrians wall once and there was a family of American tourists complaining it was “falling to pieces” “there were bricks everywhere” and “no one bothered to cut the grass”

There was an archaeologist there giving a talk who I honestly thought was about to keel over when this American tourist was yelling at him that he should stop digging for “old shit” and “put the wall back together so it’s worth seeing”

They then walked off yelling that they were going to sue because his youngest child (who was literally skipping away) had tripped over a stone and broke her leg because of all the disarray.

As a history student the whole thing killed me 😂😂

A PP reminded me, went to visit ex SIL and walking back to the station we walked past a house where a couple were having a loud argument outside in the street. All I heard was “well you shagged my sister so what do you expect?”

Three years ago I went into hospital, bloke in the bed next to me was a bit of a sleeze and kept trying to chat up all the nurses. Anyway what I presume was his GF came to visit and as she left he said: “make sure you send me some of your special pictures....” grim. No wonder he was in after having a heart attack. .

Was in shopping centre & outside Boots was an elderly gentleman doing some sort of survey, and trying to ask a woman the questions. Her toddler was in the pushchair, bucking & screaming. She was rather unsuccessfully stabbing a straw into a carton of Ribena, and you could see was at the end of every fucking tether.

Him leaning over her shoulder, speaking louder as the screams went on: "so... would you say your hair's dryyyyyyy?"

I'm still laughing at the "looks like a thumb".

My friend is from Uganda, so I had to text him & ask if a friend had ever asked if he could do a backflip. It wasn't him. Sadly.

I imagine Matthew has had a recent operation on his penis, either that or his mother is extremely precious about his crown jewels.

Re Chinese food, I have a friend who is allergic to MSG which is in a lot of Chinese food. I don't know about lying on the floor but it does make her quite ill.

I thought MSG allergy was proven in clinical studies to be a myth.

So, I have been happily lurking on this thread and chortling away to myself for a day or so... when @Cheeryandmerry reminded me of a Zermatt overheard from similar era!

In the mid-90s I was part of a group studying glaciers in Switzerland, and we had a research station by the Gorner Glacier above Zermatt, the entrance to which was a pair of steel doors in the side of the mountain, kind of like a metal filing cupboard, or like a BT exchange box on the street but larger.

A group of American hikers were walking past, and one called to another "Say, is that the elevator to the Matterhorn?"

DH and I regularly call this to one another even now if we pass an unfamiliar but mysterious doorway

Second woman: He fucked like a chauffeur and his wardrobe was full of suitcases

This really made me laugh out loud. That and Matthew's penis.

I thought MSG allergy was proven in clinical studies to be a myth Well she was ill every time she had Chinese food so something caused it.

I was in a play centre a few years ago and heard a well-spoke lady telling her child off (he was about three): ‘Vocabulary, Xander!’

I was in Lidl a couple of years ago, and this terribly posh man was speaking VERY loudly on his mobile, saying 'but darling, I can't find any taramasalata!'. He sounded so distressed!

I was v tempted to tap him on the shoulder and suggest he tried Waitrose, but I resisted.

But darling I can't find any taramasalata is now a family catchphrase 😊

How does a chauffeur fuck though? I'm intrigued