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Original poster

Teen parents - what are you doing today?

128 replies

Canshopwillshop · 17/02/2020 09:45

I’ve got DD 15 and DS 13 both of whom are still asleep at the moment. I’d really like to do something with them today but I just don’t know what. I am reminiscing about how much easier it was to please them both when they were younger - swimming/park/soft play etc. The only thing I can think of is the cinema. Any other ideas?

OP posts:
Mumof1andacat · 18/02/2020 07:48

When I was a teenager there wasnt this need to keep me or my friends entertained. On a normal half term I would do homework, watch tv, meet with friends a couple of times which was generally hanging out at someone's house or we might see my auntie for lunch at her house with cousins and second cousins there.

AskAga1n · 18/02/2020 07:55

Things are different now. They meet their friends and other humans online. I think it’s important to get them out of their rooms each day. I certainly won’t be doing a range of expensive activities they wouldn’t be that impressed with anyway but will try and drag them out for the odd walk between appointments and revision.

Spyinthewild · 18/02/2020 08:01

We are in London this week so it’s a couple of museums today with lunch somewhere, British museum tomorrow with lunch there, shopping here and there en route, maybe a show if I can get last minute tickets.

At home I would be insisting in a walk and at least watching one film together to get DD out of her room. She isn’t very sociable and rarely meets friends.

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crimsonlake · 18/02/2020 08:12

I also do not understand the need to entertain teenagers. It is more about your feelings than their's, believe me I have been there, wanting to hang on to the past or recreate it. They do not need to be entertained, they want to do there own thing as most of you are finding out. The days of you being the centre of their universe are ending as sad as it is to realise. Best to leave them to it and enjoy the rare times they do actually want to do something with you.

AskAga1n · 18/02/2020 08:15

I don’t think leaving them in their rooms all day is a good idea and a trip or 2 a positive thing, even if just a walk. No need to micro manage.

It says I care, I’m interested and also teaches them to take care of their own mental health.

moomoogalicious · 18/02/2020 08:18

But you can just ignore all that stuff. You don't have to engage with a 14-year-old in a bad mood, surely? You can just walk away and let them have some time to themself playing videogames or talking to friends online or whatever.

moomoogalicious · 18/02/2020 08:20

Oops posted too soon!

Try self harm, depression etc. I had 3 under 5 and the teen years are by far the hardest. Bigger kids, bigger problems etc.

But agree with pp, i don't 'entertain' my teens.

ExpletiveDelighted · 18/02/2020 08:23

I think there's a middle ground, mine are still generally happy to come out with us and maybe go to places we don't have time for in term time, it's not so much about entertaining them but making use of extra free time.

Spyinthewild · 18/02/2020 08:23

I agree Aga. I have got concerns about DD’s mental health, she has just agreed to see our GP. Leaving her to her own devices for a week would involve her doing nothing and speaking to no one.

No need to judge here is there🤷🏻‍♀️. The OP asked for ideas of things to do not parenting styles.

MetallicPaints · 18/02/2020 08:24

I enjoy my teenager much more now than when he was little. He was very hard work! I definitely enjoy having more time to myself now he's more independent. His main hobby is mountain biking which he does alone or with mates, otherwise its gaming online. Of course he still needs me, but more in a "Mum is there in the background for when I randomly choose to come out of my room and tell her something" way rather than a "Mummy mummy mummy mummy" way!Grin

Theroigne · 18/02/2020 08:24

Dd1 will be revising (once she’s back from a sleepover Hmm) and dd2 will be off with her friends.

They have no use for me other than as a source of lifts and food Sad.

IveGotBillsTheyreMultiplying · 18/02/2020 08:26

I'm going to work.

They're packing, walking dog, picking up dry cleaning and clearing up the house. And studying, hopefully. Probably chilling for the rest of the time.

I don't really consciously 'entertain' them. We are going to stay with relatives for a few days though.

I'll cook a stir fry when I get back.

moomoogalicious · 18/02/2020 08:28

I also don't get any time to myself for hobbies etc as i work.

revelsandrose · 18/02/2020 08:34

I have a preschooler, 13 year old and 18 year old, I really wanted to do something with all of us this week but it's just impossible. Ended up giving 18 year old cash to go out with his friends and lifts to and from friends. Middle one money to go to cinema with a friend and lifts to and from cinema. Now little one has a vomiting bug so we are stuck at home in (Pukey) pyjamas.
Apart from a family meal out I can't do anything that pleases them all and it feels like I do so much more with the preschooler as it's just so much easier (and cheaper) to please him.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 18/02/2020 08:45

One at uni, one at home but working so I don’t see as much of her. Times have changed. I didn’t even realise it was half term as it’s just not on my radar anymore.

However, despite the moodiness, mess, coming in noisily in the early hours pissed etc, I still think they’re easier now than when they were toddlers. I looked after my friends DS recently who I adore but I had completely forgotten one thing ..... the constant chatter Shock

BigSandyBalls2015 · 18/02/2020 08:47

We do still things as a family occasionally ... usually involving food and they do still come on holiday with us, as well as going away with friends.

MrsJBaptiste · 18/02/2020 08:56

Touch wood, I have nice teenagers - at the moment! I've also been reminiscing about the activities you can do with little ones and how it was so lovely but I know I'm looking back at this with rose tinted glasses!

I like to do things with them and them with us although intermingled with them seeing friends and me doing my own thing. Easy when they don't get up until 11am as I've already been to the gym and back by then!

We only really do shopping and food out as other things they'd rather do with friends and not us... 😁

dayswithaY · 18/02/2020 09:15

@Sofonisba ignoring teens is the worst thing you can do. Having a toddler is physically draining but teenagers are a 24 hour 7 day a week mentally draining ride involving exam stress, friendships, acne, phone use, social media, school behaviour, secretive social lives, sexual experimentation, peer pressure, parties, drug and alcohol experimentation, body image, self confidence, driving lessons, university choices, part time jobs, ignoring curfews, constant fear of knife crime and county lines. Mixing with children whose parents take a more "relaxed" view of parenting than you do. Plus the crushing hurt of either being spoken to like dirt or completely disregarded on a daily basis. Like being in an abusive relationship that you can never leave.

Try ignoring all that.

gingercat02 · 18/02/2020 09:36

DS is only 11 but he really justs wants time away from school and most people from school. He would PlayStation all day if allowed. Yesterday I cleaned and he watched a film in the morning and then we went to the beach for a walk scoot and an ice cream. Today cinema and meeting my Mum for lunch. Tomorrow swimming with a friend and kids. Thursday PJ day. Friday meeting a non school friend somewhere outdoors.

Wolfcub · 18/02/2020 10:01

Today we are waiting in for a flood damage consultant person and dog sitting. Ds is building the Lego he night yesterday, occasionally stropping about tidying his room and will no doubt attach himself to the Xbox. I'm cleaning, washing and reading

elephantoverthehill · 18/02/2020 10:30

Sorry to hear about the flood damage Wolfcub my Ds teenager has just left the house in a strop. Dd teenager is still at a sleepover.

Titsywoo · 18/02/2020 10:39

I could leave my teens to do their own thing but they seem to want to go out and do things with me (certainly the 13 year old does) and meet ups with friends don't seem to happen much (believe me I encourage it!). Todays escape room is the only expensive thing we'll be doing in the holidays but we can afford it so why not?

Reginabambina · 18/02/2020 10:40

At that age I was happy with a walk and a coffee. An art gallery/museum was also well recurved.

Sofonisba · 18/02/2020 11:53

Sofonisba ignoring teens is the worst thing you can do

TBF my post has been misrepresented by multiple people here. I'm not denying teenagers have issues that need to be "parented"–my comment about ignoring them was in response to PP saying they're moody, snappy, moany, rude and shouty, aloof, etc. and for general day-to-day moodiness you definitely can ignore them. Toddlers, not so much.

Someone upthread said "If you constantly respond to tantrums they do it more. Ignore and they learn to amuse themselves. The worst they can do in a safe place is cry themselves to sleep" about toddlers, I guess this just shows how different each case is, which kind of makes the whole discussion moot since some children will clearly be easier as toddlers and others vice versa! If I ignored my tantruming toddler, he would scream and cry and sweat and vomit and break things and maybe after 2-3 hours fall asleep. Not exactly a good parenting approach!

AskAga1n · 18/02/2020 12:59

You can’t ignore the behaviour you listed in teens as it is often down to something that needs support.

You can with toddlers. Mine never really displayed the behaviour you describe other than in the odd tantrum which did get ignored after other avenues / reasons were explored. Stair gate on safe place, breakables removes, toddler plonked.I’m not sure jumping to the whims of toddlers whenever they show extreme behaviour is necessarily good parenting either.