Teen parents - what are you doing today?

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I’ve got DD 15 and DS 13 both of whom are still asleep at the moment. I’d really like to do something with them today but I just don’t know what. I am reminiscing about how much easier it was to please them both when they were younger - swimming/park/soft play etc. The only thing I can think of is the cinema. Any other ideas?

@C0tt0nReelz thanks. Poor you- sounds so hard. how old/ what genders are yours?

@C0tt0nReelz I agree, I find teens much harder.

Physical exhaustion I can deal with but the mental exhaustion and anxiety with older ones I find much more difficult to cope with!

The arguments because they're always right, the feelings of helplessness when something goes wrong and you can't do anything, trying to help them be independent whilst worrying what they're really up to/who they're with/are they safe, missing the days when you could just have fun with them without bribing them to walk out the door with you or even just to come downstairs.

My youngest is 6 and I appreciate every moment I have with her because soon she'll bugger off into her own world too. Yes, we want them to grow up and be independent but it's bloody hard to watch them go. I really do long for the toddler days again!

Today - Baking
Tuesday- lunch at Nando’s and cinema
Wednesday- lazerquest and cupcakes
Thursday- Retro arcade
Friday - cleaning out the chicken coop followed by takeaway

They have friends coming along to some of this, and will usually go off with friends after we have done something together.

Agree it’s more mentally exhausting with teens - they really act like they hate you sometimes which is crushing! And communicate in grunts which is very annoying.

Ds3 is 11 and I know I only have a year or two left of him being his loving, happy, cheerful self before he starts to turn into Dr Jekyll (or is it mr Hyde?) before my very eyes! I’m dreading it as he’s a right mummy’s boy and I know that’s going to change soon!

Eldest ds is 20 though and I can say they do come out the other side - never quite the same but with glimpses of the old them! (ie he hugs me and tell me he loves me again!)

Mine still come for a cuddle, when they want money or food. But usually both.

DS has been out playing football with friends
DD1 has been in bed most of the day or foraging for food.
DD2needs clothes so we went shopping and sorted her bank account out.
DS needs a haircut so that’s tomorrow.

I have a million jobs to do to get the house in some form of order. Lots of tip trips.

Go walking in the countryside ...

Bowling Wednesday, they've been shopping today. On Thursday I'm working so plan to leave a gift bag each with face mask, treats, hot chocolate sachet so they can have a girly hour together

I went to work today and left them to it, that part is certainly easier than in the days of needing childcare.

Later in the week it will be taking one to a medical appointment, visiting grandparents, going to the climbing wall with friends, usual sport training in the evenings, plus a one day camp, giving them a lift to the trampoline park. The rest of the time one needs to revise (y11) and the other will be happy watching TV.

C0tt0n - I just love your post. It is all so very true.
DS 18 is on a gap year and in Thailand so no damp towels and dirty boxers atm which is bliss!
DD15 spends most of her days watching Netflix, occasional revision and tidying room. Tmrw it's her birthday so she's going out for lunch and prom dress shopping with friends.
DT's 12 have been at friends, come shopping with me and baked. They're still nice and give me lots of cuddles. I'm milking it for all it's worth!!

I know it could still all go pear-shaped but mine are WAY easier at 14 and 16 than they were at 2 and 4.

I was working this morning so they stayed at home and took themselves to the bakery for lunch. Picked up ds13s friend when i got back so they've just been hanging out all day at our house. Dd15 and i went to hobbycraft to get some bits for her art coursework. Tomorrow im taking ds and his friend to an escape room in London and dd is staying home.

Its definitely harder to find stuff to do when they are older and its much more expensive but no way do i find teens harder than under 5s! Mine aren't too stroppy though and i mainly enjoy spending time with them (they are in their rooms 75% of the time so i get to do my own thing a lot).

Wow Im amazed at how expensice all your options are. My eldest is 11 and we simply wont be able to afford these kind of trips.

I don’t have the week off work so my two are just at home alone. 13 and 16. Praying the 16 yr old is revising but not here to make sure it’s happening!
Can’t decide whether it’ll be more beneficial for me to take a week off at Easter or May half term as I won’t be able to take both..

I genuinely don't understand the need to entertain teenagers. My 16 year old met up with a friend today, went shopping then went to a gig this evening. My 12 year old had friends over, played board games and otherwise messed around. How about just mooching?!

My teens aren't particularly stroppy and there's been no risky behaviour yet so I think I have it relatively easy but, as others have said, it's more emotionally tiring and their lives are more complicated than when they were little so there's a lot of organisation/nagging. Friendship problems are also difficult. I ended up on the phone to the police this week and then in a meeting at school after DD was bullied by a former friend

Happy to report I still get cuddles though especially from 17 yr old who has decided to start hugging DH and I regularly after steering clear of us for a couple of years

We don't usually do much in the feb half term, usually the weather is rubbish so plan to just have long lie ins, watch rubbish on the TV and maybe play a board game.

This year it's DS's GCSE year so we're going away as we won't be able to do anything again until the summer. Going tomorrow for a few days and really looking forward to it! I imagine DS would probably rather stay home with his mates though

Because they’re moody, snappy, moany ,scathing about everything,need to be nagged re exam revision and anything they should do, prowl around like cats cooking and eating shit, need to be driven everywhere, hormonal, argumentative, expensive,rude and shouty, needy, naggy, aloof

But you can just ignore all that stuff. You don't have to engage with a 14-year-old in a bad mood, surely? You can just walk away and let them have some time to themself playing videogames or talking to friends online or whatever. A toddler, you have no choice. If a toddler wants to tantrum over something completely illogical, you have to deal with it.

My toddler also wakes me up 3 times a night screaming and then is wide awake from 6am. Do teenagers do that?

He then screams half the day because he's tired and I didn't foresee that he wanted to walk out of the living room before me, or whatever. There's no ignoring a toddler and saying "ok let's just go do something on my own".

He needs attention and care every waking hour. And then there's the baby too!

People in here discussing going to the cinema... I haven't been to the cinema in 3 years!

Etc.

I find having teens much easier than toddlers. My teens are quite sweet, and two of three can drive (in the US so they can drive from 16).

Today I worked 8.5 hours, took the dog to the vet, took DD16 to the doctor then dropped her at DH's office so they could go off on college tour trip together.

DS14 went skiing with a friend.

It was busy but not particularly stressful other than work stress - I screamed at my computer a few times...

Tomorrow I'll work, DS can entertain himself and walk the dog. It's going to snow so he'll do some shovelling and snowblowing. He'll probably have some friends over.

Wed and Fri I'm taking DS skiing (we have annual passes). Those are long days as it's a 75 minute drive each way, but worth it.

Thurs I'm working - DS can entertain himself with his friends.

Friday DH and DD come back from their trip together, and Sat I get on a plane to do and see DD18 at university.

My teens are GCSE year and 15/16 so yes I do have to engage. There have been mental health issues from bullying and other teen woes. They need and want you more. I’d love to just be able to walk away but I can’t. Teens need you more and really don’t need any excuse for a pity party. They need me but can’t articulate it and resent it.I’ve got my hair cut today in the morning( alone bliss) and then will come back to teens asking what’s for lunch, strop throwing when I tell them the moderately healthy non fried options they’ll have to make themselves and me keeping a vague eye on revision( more strop throwing). 1 will go to work whilst I’m out and I’m sure the other two will be on phones. Might try and drag them out for a walk but it will be met with resistance.Trying to instil a life of balance isn’t easy.

@Sofonisba it's not a competition.

We've all been there wishing that they were at a different stage but some of us look back and think we had it easy in comparison to now.

I'm one of them, my toddler presented as completely "normal". A funny, engaging little guy. Yes it was physically relentless but then school happened - turns out he wouldn't fit in there and was relentlessly bullied by others with led to quite serious mental health issues and a suicide attempt (this was primary school btw!) which was quite worrying - a late diagnosis of Autism which were never outwardly noticeable until he got puberty at 12 brought it's own issues.

The teen we have is a VERY different person to the relentless toddler we once had and nothing like the teen I thought we'd have - everything is a battle. He doesn't socialise outside of school leaving him on the XBox all day (which would be his preferred activity) isn't exactly ideal.

We need to work shifts around him because there are no child care options for his age but he can't be left for more than few hours and sometimes we need to pick him up from school in the middle of the day because he's not coping.

You also need to do all of this whilst attempting to instill the necessary life skills.

So yes, it can be "relentless".

He didn't "got" puberty - went through is the term I was looking for 😂

Half the time waiting to get in the bathroom, the other half waiting for him to come home. Turned 14 recently and won’t go anywhere with us :(

Surely the whole point of having teenagers is not having to think up endless entertainment for them :o

3 year olds are much easier. If you constantly respond to tantrums they do it more. Ignore and they learn to amuse themselves. The worst they can do in a safe place is cry themselves to sleep.Not so teens.

They follow you with better arguments. Their tantrums can be more scary,harder to handle and re issues it’s often possible to ignore( their favourite jeans not clean type of tantrum the exception). They can cause way more harm to themselves if not dealt with which is harder to do.

There are mental health issues, exam pressures, internet, drugs, alcohol, keeping safe...to contemplate and deal with.

You absolutely can not ignore teens in need. It’s learning to differentiate between issues that is so hard and then having the resilience to hold down other commitments and deal with the frequent dramas.

Apologies @Sofonisba my last post was a bit lot long winded and seemed woe is me, I've clearly woken up in a good mood 😂

Basically, yes it is just as relentless and no it's not necessarily because of SN. Amongst my friends and family with teens our issues are pretty typical (albeit exaggerated due to SN).

I can see my youngest getting more like DS in terms of mood and behaviour now and it scares the shit out of me and she was the kid who would only sleep on a sling, even sit with her Dad until she was 16 months without screaming for me so there was never any chance to take a minute out. It almost broke our family!

I'd still go back and freeze time with them as toddlers of i could!