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Original poster

Pressure from DP to get a job that pays well

89 replies

abientot · 14/02/2020 15:44

Been a sahm for 4 years. For the last 6 months or so, I've been cleaning for £50ish per week. Before DD I worked in retail as a cashier (couldn't do any better) and have suffered depression for many years so I haven't been able to move up the ranks due to low confidence and introverted nature.

We live in a very expensive city in the UK and DP has already started making comments about me bringing more in to the household. He keeps emailing jobs to me that I know I cant do because I don't have the right techincal or social skills.

I dont know what to do with my life. I dont really have any interests, I spend most days with my 4 year old just looking after her and never thinking about what I like.

Are there any careers that I can go in to? Nothing where I have to be this fake extroverted sales type person. I would hate that.

OP posts:
EL8888 · 14/02/2020 15:46

Have you started emailing him adverts for suggested jobs for him or cleaners / nannies to replace you?! Surely he should be having a proper chat to discuss this rather than just sending you links for jobs you don’t think you are qualified for?

BarbaraofSeville · 14/02/2020 15:52

Is there any chance of picking up more cleaning work? If you're in an expensive city you should be able to pick up loads of clients. Maybe research clients, references, business promotion etc and agree to build up gradually in time.

Once DD starts full time school, you could do a couple of clients a day a few days a week? Will probably pay a better hourly rate than the sort of employed work that you mention.

Original poster
abientot · 14/02/2020 15:56

Sorry, should have mentioned in my OP. I hate cleaning. Customers cancel, or go with someone cheaper, I have no holiday pay as im self employed and it's hard to fit things in around DD with work being so sporadic. I never had a log term customer.

I get what he means though, he gets annoyed when we don't have much money left over for nice things.

It might be good for me to train in something

OP posts:
Andsbk · 14/02/2020 15:56

Hi there
My advice for you is to find more hours in cleaning. Flexible hours....I would do the same after my kids will be in school every day
Good luck 🤞

Mumdiva99 · 14/02/2020 15:56

I think cleaners here charge about £10 p/h. Doesn't mean you would necessarily take that home if self employed due to NI, possible tax and saving for when you can't work (holidays). But if you had 8 clients a week - 2 hours each that would be £160 and you could fit it into the school day. How much more do the jobs he sends you pay? Has he factored in the childcare costs for school holidays?

Original poster
abientot · 14/02/2020 15:57

I dont have a pension either and I'm late 20s

OP posts:
Yogawoogie · 14/02/2020 16:00

I used my time as a SAHM to retrain.
Look at access courses through adult education.

Stop putting yourself down.

Original poster
abientot · 14/02/2020 16:02

He's been sending me apprenticeships in data science, accounting, business admin. They actually pay well for an apprenticeship, 17-22k

Some jobs has sent me are sales jobs, mostly recruitment. I know I cant do that kind of job

OP posts:
Original poster
abientot · 14/02/2020 16:02

What will an access course lead to? What jobs can I do with an access course?

OP posts:
FruityWidow · 14/02/2020 16:06

If you like looking after your daughter what about other kids too? Childcare or childminding?

Original poster
abientot · 14/02/2020 16:07

Oh no. Since becoming a mum I've actually found that I don't like other peoples children.

OP posts:
BrieAndChilli · 14/02/2020 16:09

what about becoming a childminder?

FaFoutis · 14/02/2020 16:09

You have a strange attitude to work. What would you do if you didn't have a husband to support you?

BrieAndChilli · 14/02/2020 16:09

oops x post!

99problemsandthecatis1 · 14/02/2020 16:10

Access courses allow you to go to uni as an adult learner. Most uni's require evidence of recent study in a related area, which an access course is. But you need to work out what you want to study. Personally I'd go for something more vocational- social work, accounting, nursing etc.

DinnersReady · 14/02/2020 16:11

It sounds like you don't like much Confused did you have any interests or plans for your life before you had children?

I would recommend joining the civil service fast stream if you want to have a flavour of different types of jobs.

BrieAndChilli · 14/02/2020 16:11

somewhere you can start at the bottom and work your way up?
do you like cooking? what about admin?

your husband isnt going about it the right way but you do need to think about your long term goals and finances.

could you do care work? what do you like doing? bear in mind that a lot of people dont work as something that is thier dream job and lots of people work in stuff they hate as it brings home money and puts food on the table!!

Batqueen · 14/02/2020 16:13

What is wrong with the apprenticeships that he has sent? You have said that you feel you couldn’t do the jobs he’s suggesting but are you averse to the apprenticeship idea or just lack confidence? The apprenticeships could start you training for a good career

InDubiousBattle · 14/02/2020 16:13

What qualifications do you have op? If you could do any job at all what would it be?

Kirkman · 14/02/2020 16:14

You have no pension or financial independence. You cant continue to earn £50 a week.

You need to think about what you can do and like doing rather than 'nah, dont like that'

HalfBiscuit · 14/02/2020 16:18

Most people don't particularly like their jobs. But it must be done. It's a means to an end. You have to earn money to live. I'd love a job I'm interested in.

Unfortunately there's no money in drinking wine on the sofa whilst surrounded by kittens and watching box sets.

So I'm a boring administrator. Needs must OP.

Original poster
abientot · 14/02/2020 16:24

Not sure about university. I wasnt very academic at school. Left with 2 and half A levels with deplorable grades.

I've looked at some of the apprenticeships and they want people with technical experience already for some. What's the point in advertising as an apprenticeship then?

OP posts:
Stephminx · 14/02/2020 16:25

I can see his point if you hate cleaning and moan about it. He’s prob trying to help you.

To be fair it sounds like you have no idea what to do and/or no drive to do anything different. Things that have been suggested by your DH and PP are all turned down. But realistically, why shouldn’t you have to work. Most people would rather be doing something else than their job, but they have to work.

You either need to work at getting a proper cleaning business off the ground to get more steady work or seriously look into doing something else. Why should your DH have full financial responsibility for your family ?

Yogawoogie · 14/02/2020 16:25

As 99 said it’s access to higher education but it might inspire you to have a think about what you would like to do.
Do you have no dreams or interests?
My ex husband was like you. No dreams or goals, no go. It was exhausting.

FaFoutis · 14/02/2020 16:26

Try applying, and sounding enthusiastic, anyway. Most things are worth a try.