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Original poster

Pressure from DP to get a job that pays well

89 replies

abientot · 14/02/2020 15:44

Been a sahm for 4 years. For the last 6 months or so, I've been cleaning for £50ish per week. Before DD I worked in retail as a cashier (couldn't do any better) and have suffered depression for many years so I haven't been able to move up the ranks due to low confidence and introverted nature.

We live in a very expensive city in the UK and DP has already started making comments about me bringing more in to the household. He keeps emailing jobs to me that I know I cant do because I don't have the right techincal or social skills.

I dont know what to do with my life. I dont really have any interests, I spend most days with my 4 year old just looking after her and never thinking about what I like.

Are there any careers that I can go in to? Nothing where I have to be this fake extroverted sales type person. I would hate that.

OP posts:
Yogawoogie · 14/02/2020 16:27

What a levels did you do?
It might be worth making an appointment at the job centre and having a chat about career options. But you have to go with an open mind and the right attitude.

Original poster
abientot · 14/02/2020 16:27

What qualifications do you have op? If you could do any job at all what would it be?

I'd quite like to do something maths even though I failed in A level maths. Enjoyed statistics a lot and it still interests me to this day, especially if it can be applied to behaviour. You know, like probabilities of doing something or predicting behaviour. That with crime (I love true crime) would be my dream job. If it even exists

OP posts:
FaFoutis · 14/02/2020 16:28

police?

Batqueen · 14/02/2020 16:29

I’d keep on looking at different apprenticeships as there are loads about at various different levels.

Some will be more entry level than others e.g a Level 4 Apprenticeship is higher than a Level 3 Apprenticeship and you can do degree Apprenticeships at level 6 so it doesn’t necessarily mean the traditional ‘apprenticeship’ idea of a school leaver.

If you have a look on the government ‘find an apprenticeship’ you can search what’s available and hopefully find a level 3 one to suit you

MrsJemimaDuck · 14/02/2020 16:29

I have what I would consider my “dream job.” There are still things about it that I’m not good at, hate doing, and dread doing. You just have to get on with it, as most of us need to find something we can tolerate. It sounds like you tolerate cleaning and you’re qualified to do it, so doing more of it seems like the easiest natural choice to make. Maybe it won’t be consistent—but is still better than what you’ve got going on now.

Todayissunny · 14/02/2020 16:29

Apply anyway. You have nothing to lose. Data science or technical job might suit you. How about a lab technician or something like that?
Just because you didn't have brilliant grades at school doesn't mean you can't do well now you are older and more mature. Your motivation will be different as well. But you need to want to do it for you. Not for your dh.

mynameiscalypso · 14/02/2020 16:30

You've mainly talked about what you don't like or can't do. What would you like to do? What skills (not necessarily qualifications) do you have? There are plenty of careers that don't require you to be extroverted or someone you're not. FWIW, my brother has 1 A level (failed the other 2) and no other qualifications. He's been working in retail/ restaurants for 10 years but has just got a place to go to uni in Sept to train as a teacher.

KatherineJaneway · 14/02/2020 16:31

Do you actually want to find a job and contirbute to the household income?

FluffyLamkins · 14/02/2020 16:31

How about looking what jobs are nearby - a short commute is invaluable with children. To get started and help build your confidence I think any job at all would be a good start. What about retail again? Or caring jobs are often advertised. Then you can think about retraining. See if there are any agencies and they may be able to suggest what’s available in the area (if there’s a local big company that they recruit to).
The last thing is to practice your application and interview skills. Any employer wants to believe that you are terribly keen to join them and are passionate about whatever they do. Lie if you aren’t fussed but convincing acting may be required. Good luck!!

Trahira · 14/02/2020 16:34

My advice would be to start searching and applying for jobs. I expect he'll stop sending you links to things you wouldn't like if he sees you being proactive about this. If you start looking, you may spot something that you could do that you would enjoy (or at least wouldn't hate!).

Original poster
abientot · 14/02/2020 16:35

Do you actually want to find a job and contirbute to the household income?

Of course! Friends have dropped away, I can no longer look nice or go anywhere nice, and people sneer at me when I tell them what I do for a living (being at home and cleaning).

I get frustrated staring at four walls and having conversations with a 4 year old mostly. I'm resentful of DP being able to pay money in to a pension and having control over the money, going out whenever he wants and having lie ins, never having to lift a finger around the house or cook. He's got it good and I'd rather be him if my confidence wasnt so low.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 14/02/2020 16:36

OP, if you think the apprenticeship route might be good for you then consider it. I don't think it's good or healthy for (most) women to have no other strings to their bow. You're in your 20s and are finding that your husband is already trying to prod you to 'pay your way'.

For your sake - and your daughter's - get some skills and qualifications. It's not good for your daughter to see her mum not achieving or interested in anything else other than her, it's actually immensely cloying.

RedskyAtnight · 14/02/2020 16:37

Data analysis is a huge job sector these days. And apprenticeships are available, although I suspect they will want better A Levels than the ones you have and possibly some IT experience. Something to look into though. Lots of online courses in related areas you could do?

MostlyHappyMummy · 14/02/2020 16:37

Look into apprenticeships within the public sector, NHS and local council. They do loads in admin type positions and have no upper age restriction. Good training and a nice way into work

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 14/02/2020 16:37

I didn't see your last post before I posted.

OP - it's essential that you get yourself back into work; meaningful, viable work that you can build a career on. For your sake - and your daughter's.

Your husband sounds horrible.

LittleDragonGirl · 14/02/2020 16:37

If you like crime and statistics then why not do a forensic psychology degree, plenty of stats relating to behaviour and crime related topics!
You could do a straight psychology degree, forensic psychology degree or psychology and criminology. Although you may decide to not go into a career in those areas, the critical thinking, statician, and transferable skills having a degree within a social science will open a lot of doors to post grad work, or you may even decide to continue down a forensic psych route a work in the prisons or police service, or become a teacher. The possibilities are endless.

MissSueFlay · 14/02/2020 16:37

How about doing something like database management, data analytics, etc? Companies like Salesforce and Microsoft do their own accredited qualifications which can lead to self-employed consultancy or contract work.
Salesforce Supermums

FaFoutis · 14/02/2020 16:39

Don't use lack of confidence as an excuse. Plenty of us lack confidence but do it anyway.

EmotionalEllie · 14/02/2020 16:50

To be honest OP you sound quite depressed. Have you tried seeing your GP? It's a shame you have such low self esteem, I'm sure there are things you would enjoy/be good at if you had the confidence to try?

Settlersofcatan · 14/02/2020 17:03

What jobs have you had in the past?

Honestly, unless you have a serious disability or some kind of depression, it's a bit weird that you are so lacking in confidence or ambition. I don't think it sounds like your DH is horrible, so much as he is losing respect for you. I am sure you can find something you are good at.

Have a look at the national careers advice service, talk to friends and family, talk to your local FE college

Babybel90 · 14/02/2020 17:07

If I were you I’d contact a couple of employment agencies and see what work is actually available with your current qualifications. There’s no point deciding you want to work in X sector if there are only jobs in Y.

I’m doing a job I’d never even heard of before an agency sent me the job spec and I really like it, I mean sure I’d rather be at home watching TV if I had the choice, but as jobs go it’s quite interesting and gives me the opportunity to get qualifications while I work.

dottiedodah · 14/02/2020 17:08

I think your husband is putting you down ,and why is he allowed to lie in while you do all the work FFS? I think he needs to wake up and realise you will get half of all assets if you divorce! Tell him to pull his finger out and give you a hand ,so you can look for another job /retraining .You should be an equal partner , not a doormat!

purplecorkheart · 14/02/2020 17:09

Would you consider doing a bookkeeping course (no doubt there is a fancier name for that)? You could do book keeping from home.

FaFoutis · 14/02/2020 17:11

DP not DH so likely not to be half the assets. All the more reason to get a career going.

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