Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Pressure from DP to get a job that pays well

89 replies

abientot · 14/02/2020 15:44

Been a sahm for 4 years. For the last 6 months or so, I've been cleaning for £50ish per week. Before DD I worked in retail as a cashier (couldn't do any better) and have suffered depression for many years so I haven't been able to move up the ranks due to low confidence and introverted nature.

We live in a very expensive city in the UK and DP has already started making comments about me bringing more in to the household. He keeps emailing jobs to me that I know I cant do because I don't have the right techincal or social skills.

I dont know what to do with my life. I dont really have any interests, I spend most days with my 4 year old just looking after her and never thinking about what I like.

Are there any careers that I can go in to? Nothing where I have to be this fake extroverted sales type person. I would hate that.

OP posts:
thislittlefishswims · 14/02/2020 22:04

OP, are you creative at all?

Have you considered doing something like graphic or web design?

I am a very introverted person and work in relatively niche area of design that isn't client facing. It works for me!

StCharlotte · 14/02/2020 22:27

What was your job pre-DC? Can you go back to that?

Todayissunny · 15/02/2020 07:34

I left my job when everything fell to pieces when we had 3 under 3 at home. It knocked my confidence very badly. My dh really encouraged and helped me to get back to work. Never pushed - I had to be ready. One of the things he did was send me jobs ads. I'm back in work now in a completely different job.
We talked through a lot about logistics of us both working. I started off slowly (in a semi-voluntary job and tutoring at home.
I think you need to see the opportunities and try things out. Apply for jobs at least to get the experience of doing it - without feeling pressure.
Be creative about it - which you have by doing cleaning jobs.

TwilightPeace · 15/02/2020 07:44

I'm resentful of DP being able to pay money in to a pension and having control over the money, going out whenever he wants and having lie ins, never having to lift a finger around the house or cook. He's got it good and I'd rather be him if my confidence wasnt so low.

How much control does he have over the money? He doesn’t sound very nice. No wonder your confidence is low.
You really need to get some kind of job, to build your confidence and get you earning again. You shouldn’t be too fussy or you’ll never get back in to the work force. Once you start working again you will feel better about yourself and you’ll find it easier to think about what you do and don’t like. When you have a bit of experience, you can start working your way up.
I think your priority should be a bit of independence, not finding the ‘perfect’ job. Just get yourself back out there. You can do it!

Are you happy with your DP? Does he treat you well?

gospelsinger · 15/02/2020 08:28

I think your partner actually has a lot of confidence in you. He believes in you. That's why he is sending you these aspirational job adverts. You don't have to apply for all of them. If you're feeling pressured by it, ask him to back off. Tell him how you would like him to help.

madcatladyforever · 15/02/2020 08:34

When I needed a break from nursing I applied for insurance jobs. It was a steep learning curve as I'd never worked in any kind of an office before but it was fine and there is great scope for promotion quickly. It feels uncomfortable at first but you soon get used to new things.
I'd suggest going on an office skills course before you apply.

Snog · 15/02/2020 08:39

There are charities who provide one to one work coaching to help people get back into work. Try the Richmond Fellowship.

They will come up with stuff you never would have thought of and are very supportive.

NeedCoffeeNowRightNow · 15/02/2020 08:45

@abientot

I have trained people before that had your background and went on to do what you want do. Nine out of ten times you will need a degree in Psychology or Criminology or something similiar. If you go with the Open University, they will have no formal entry requirements (but make sure you choose an accredited course, not all of their's are - it needs to be BPS accredited for psych). Other option could be Arden uni (UK-wide but best in England) or the University of Highlands and Islands (also UK wide but easiest if you're in Scotland). These places are also prepared to start with the very very basics and used to people from more diverse backgrounds than your standard teenager fresh out of school. I even had mum's doing courses on maternity leave, i.e. with a newborn. It is really hard with a child at home but can be done.

All the math in psychology is stats and - much to my dismay but good for students' marks - the standards for understanding it are pretty low. If you do it full-time, you should be able to get student finance and a council tax discount. If your depression is well-documented in your medical files, you might also be able to get fees paid if you are studying part-time but I you'd have to speak to the uni of choice to find out.
The police is generally very keen to recruit psychology graduates, although you would have to work your way up from the bottom regardless of the degree (but it would move quicker). The police and various army-type forces (RAF etc. - I can never remember all of them) also tend to pay part-time course fees for their staff, so you could get a job there and have them pay for it. The unis always offer a graduate advice service (help with applications, interview prep) and networking services (contacts to alumni, events,...) which makes finding a job easier.

Becoming a profiler is next to impossible but only next to. A) it doesn't really exist the ways it is potrayed in crime shows, B) the few jobs that are like it are very competitive and usually require a Doctorate. Going into research could be an option, though. There is usually funding for Forensic research but it can be tiresome, as ethical approval often takes up to a year - it is all quite complicated. Sidenote: Research has repeatedly found that rather than school marks, motivation is the most important factor when it comes to how well students do on a degree. So if this is something you really really want to do, I would consider it. If this is more a "this would be nice", it might not be quite right.
You could also look into Forensic Psych but be working as a Forensic Psychologist always involves postgrad degrees, many (but not all) of which require in-depth understanding of algebra. Unis either have their own counselling services or have contracted a distance counselling services, which you can use for free throughout your studies - if you are prone to depression, thar could be helpful. If you can provide a confirmation of mental health problems (e.g. from your GP), you can also register with their disability services and ask for reasonable adjustments, e.g. if you need a longer than normal extension.

Don't go for data science unless you have plenty of programming experience already. It has become very competitive and salaries at the entry level have dropped quite a bit. That xperience they are referring to are internships, usually unpaid.

What might suit you, too, going by what you have said, is law. Either as a paralegal or lawyer in the area you are interested in. Mostly paperwork, relatively little contact with clients and it pays well. You can choose an area that would be relatively close to what you are interested in.

Last but not least, apologies for any typos - I woke up at 5am and the coffee hasn't kicked in yet. I tried, though!

MsJuniper · 15/02/2020 09:08

It sounds like you need an office job which doesn't involve any sales. I would suggest the council is a good place to start looking, or talking to an agency. DH has a fairly good job which has developed from some agency work he did several years ago when we were in a difficult situation.

Really though I think you need to look at the other issues - are you depressed? Is it worth talking to the GP? Make some time to talk to your husband and say you would like to change things but need his support. Does he understand that if you worked more you'd need to divide childcare and household responsibilities more equally (even if your job is lower earning at the outset).

The other thing to consider is if your child is starting school in September, you might want to think about how that will impact your lives. Reception year can be pretty full on IME with a settling in period and then various joining-in activities. If you can afford it, I would be tempted to enjoy the next few months and get her settled in to school. Perhaps talk to your husband about this as if you took on a new job or training scheme it might be hard to take significant time off early on. You could spend the rest of this year trying to take on more cleaning work and developing some skills with an online course in preparation for a job search the following year - and while you are about it spend some time looking after yourself and trying to build your self-esteem too. Good luck.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 15/02/2020 09:29

I understand about the low confidence OP. I was a SAHM until DS started school. When you haven't worked for so long your confidence does take a hit. I do office admin now. Not well paid though but I'm a single parent now.

As PPs have suggested what about accounting? It's a good career choice especially if you like maths.

Oh and if you go back to full time work make sure your DP understands that he will be stepping up to do his share of cooking, housework and childcare.

fedup21 · 15/02/2020 09:36

I can completely understand why he is supporting you to get back to work. It’s sounds like you would really benefit from it, and I supply if you have no pension-that is something that definitely needs to be addressed. Being the sole wage earner is pretty stressful as well so I would be trying to alleviate that pressure too.

Why and when does he get lie ins when you don’t though?!

Aridane · 15/02/2020 09:38

You,sound very negative and defeatist, OP.

Is this just who you are or do you have depression?

adaline · 15/02/2020 10:20

Do you like animals? You could set-up as a dog walker - you can pick your hours and it's not bad money either. You just need to get insurance (I pay £10 per month) and that's it. I earn £10 per dog for an hour's walk.

You could also look into something like sitting cats etc. in other peoples homes while they're away on holiday. Just popping in a couple of times a day to feed and change litter trays - it's flexible and not bad money for what it is.

I've just set up a business doing both of those things and it's really popular already. You don't really have to see people apart from your initial meetings - I just have sets of keys and let myself in and lock up afterwards.

QueenofallIsee · 15/02/2020 10:26

I am in IT but work with finance companies. In house they have actuaries and financial crime teams - lots of apprenticeships and grad schemes in these areas using statistical analysis and risk based calculations.

Your husband sounds like an absolute twat but you should be supporting yourself

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread