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Original poster

In 11 days time my son leaves the UK for good and my heart is breaking.

77 replies

StillMedusa · 11/02/2020 23:31

It's not like I didn't know it was coming.. I helped him apply for a couple's visa (verrry expensive, very complicated) and I absolutely love his fiancee who lived with us for two years and feels like my own daughter.
He actually met his soulmate.. how many of us can say that?

But... my son, my lovely, funny, talented musician, kind (works with me in a special needs school) oldest son, is leaving.

Tomorrow our school will do a leaver's assembly for him..he is rightly a very popular member of staff as he is fab with the children who adore him... school has done a collection for him and is sending him off with Australian dollars and he has to send a photo to show he has taken his fiancee out for a meal with them Grin (she worked at our school too!)

I've managed to sort of ignore the fact that he's really going, but tomorrow I am going to find it hard to not cry...at work!

I will see him off at Heathrow with a smile and a promise that if he needs me I will be there. He's 26 and perfectly capable of moving to the other side of the world to be with the woman he loves.

But he's MY baby. The boy who gave me hell as a teen and yet turned into the best man I could hope for and it breaks my heart that he will be so far away.

I will never say that to him... I will send him with a smile and a last hug, but it will be at least a year before I can get out there to see him again.

Hold my hand...

OP posts:
Haggisfish · 11/02/2020 23:33

Oh I can’t even imagine. Well done for not guilt tripping them. Big hugs over the ether.

NumbersStation · 11/02/2020 23:40

Hand hold here.

But what a wonderful parent you are. You have grown him to be a man who is kind and loving and does a wonderful job. He loves. And he is confident enough in his world to go to the other side of it.

You have nurtured him to be able to do that. Of course you will miss him and he will miss you but you have made him the man who can grab happiness and hold onto it. And you are bloody great enough to let go.

You are amazing. Flowers

Xmasbaby11 · 11/02/2020 23:46

God that's awful. I'd be heartbroken too. I used to move around and was in Asia most of my twenties. My dc are under 10 but I'm horrified at the very idea of them moving so far away. At the same time, it's the best thing I ever did so I hope I could deal with it if my dc travelled or moved abroad.

Your ds sounds amazing and you are a fab mum to have brought him up so independent, adventurous and loving.

ajandjjmum · 11/02/2020 23:48

My DS (27) did the same in August - he is single though, and has been forbidden to fall in love with an Australian! Has settled well and is enjoying life in Sydney, and we're planning a long visit in April.

TBH it hasn't been as bad as I expected. He has lived away from home (London) for a number of years, and he's still in touch several times a week, so we still feel connected to his life.

If I'm honest, I hope it's not a permanent move, but who knows.

Feel for you hugely - getting tearful now thinking of how hard it was to see DS off at Heathrow last August. Flowers Gin

granadagirl · 11/02/2020 23:50

This was my sister 10 yrs ago.
She as a boy & a girl, son is eldest
He’s made a really good career for himself now as a wife and daughter

16 mth ago her daughter went with her daughter(6.5) who sister looked after whilst mum went to work. Did pick up from school and school hols.
So close with granddaughter, she was a unique little girl so funny and clever and cute.

She now goes over twice a year to Australia
And stays for between 8-12 weeks.
I don’t think life will be the same for Herat home, as she’s on her own now(Dh passed before grandchildren were born)
Both children live 10 mins from each other, and children go to the same school

There’s FaceTime now and you can always visit.

Grandmi · 11/02/2020 23:52

Oh bless you . You have done a fabulous job as a mum and you will have to take a deep breath at the airport and send him off with a big loving smile . Hopefully you will be able to go out and visit him and have wonderful holidays . FaceTime and messenger can keep you in touch on a daily basis Be brave ,thinking of you tomorrow 💐X

Thinkingabout1t · 12/02/2020 00:17

You are a loving mother and you can be proud of yourself for encouraging him to follow his dreams. With skype and facetime, you can chat as often as you both have time. I wish happiness to you and DS and his girlfriend.

Lagrime · 12/02/2020 00:28

Oh, OP. A big handhold. I would do exactly the same, and would feel exactly the same. I remember a leavers' service at my DC's prep school many years ago. It was all about roots and wings. I am a tough old boot, and it made me feel teary even when the DC were small and clingy, and wouldn't even let me go to the loo without them.

DC1 talks intermittently about jobs in America. All I can do is smile and wish him well and cry when he's not looking , though. So you have the biggest possible hand-hold from me.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 12/02/2020 00:31

Not many posts on mn make me well up but this did.
And I can’t really reply better than @NumbersStation has so wonderfully.

mycarpetsun · 12/02/2020 00:34

I'm crying. Big hugs for you op.

Kescilly17 · 12/02/2020 00:38

I am on the other side of this, I moved to the UK from another country. It’s difficult and I miss my parents, but I am also grateful for the strength and opportunities they gave me. I think I’m actually closer with my mother now.

I have a child now and suddenly felt so guilty for leaving my own mother!

kateandme · 12/02/2020 00:40

remember the thing about technolody these days is you can be in contact wherever you are.whatsapp.skype etc.its not going to take your pain away but hold onto the fact you will still be able to contact him.
try not to be alone.it can really get to you.have you any other family or dp? make sure if you can there is a list of things to do afte tomorrow.
but let nyourself grieve.its a delicate balance because ylu dont want to get to the middle of next week and only then let it hit you.so let yourself feel the pain of him going.that totally natural.but then keep going every day doing little things to build yourself back up.
you can send him care packages(any uk foods he cant get) becasue all the people i know moved to o do get incredibly homesick too.he might be all excited but he will be shitting it.and from what youve said about your relationship he will miss the bones off you too!
you can write postcard and let him know how all his kids are.
take it a day at a time.dont look at next year or the next date you will see him as this far off date you ticking time off for.that wont help.it never comes quick enough.

ShanghaiDiva · 12/02/2020 00:42

I left the UK 25 years ago and it was a lot harder and more expensive to keep in touch. With Skype and the interest it will be easy for you to follow his adventures which is a positive. You sound like a very supportive mum!

BillHadersNewWife · 12/02/2020 00:47

Whenever you feel overwhelmed, keep it in perspective.

He's healthy, in love, talented...everything you could want.

And OP....they may return you know.

Troels · 12/02/2020 08:19

You'll visit, he'll visit, you'll skype and keep connected.
It's all very emotional, and having worked with him too, you will feel it more than most.
I left before internet, skype, email even. I stll kept in touch with family and stayed connected, we visited, Mum visited us. We had a beeter relationship than when I lived nearby.
Now we are back 29 years later and helping look after my elderly Mum.
It'll be a wonderful experience for them and you get lots of wonderful world travel.

Binterested · 12/02/2020 08:21

Tight hand hold from me. I would feel exactly as you do. Love and courage to you.

Friendsofmine · 12/02/2020 08:23

Don't worry OP my brother went for six years then they split up and he came home. You don't know if they're soulmates yet.

But in all seriousness he sounds like he will be keen to keep in touch as you are close! It will be OK.

VanillaSugarr · 12/02/2020 08:24

Good luck today OP xxFlowers

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 12/02/2020 08:25

I have something in my eye.

What you have done and are doing, is to keep your relationship the loving one it has always been. You weathered the teenage storm with him and you will weather this too.

Be proud. You’ve forged a relationship that will never be broken and you know that you have done the best for your child.

userxx · 12/02/2020 08:25

Awwwww, I'm holding back the tears after reading that op. He sounds like an absolute diamond. It's going to be bloody hard for you 💐

Toomboom · 12/02/2020 08:27

My son did this many years ago. Fell in love with a Canadian girl and they moved there.
It is really, really tough to watch them go. I drove him to the airport, and then drove back in tears.

It is very easy to keep in touch nowadays. It was harder when he first left as there was no skype or facetime. We relied on expensive phone calls. Now we Skype weekly and keep in touch via wattsapp and email. I travel to see him roughly every two years and him and his family do the same the other way.

We still have a very good, close relationship. He has a fantastic life where he is and would never come back to the UK.

Smile and be happy for him. It is so hard at first, but honestly it does get easier. Lots of hugs for you xxx

WhatchaMaCalllit · 12/02/2020 08:50

I'm welling up here at work reading your most lovely words.

Best of luck to your son and to you (getting through today, tomorrow and all of the other tomorrows after that).

Flowers
PrimeraVez · 12/02/2020 08:53

Arghhhh I'm on the other side of this and feeling very guilty all of a sudden! I moved away with my now-DH 10 years ago, and have since had 2 DC, both of who have only been back to the UK a handful of times.

All I can say is thank you for being so supportive and with things like Whatsapp, Skype etc, there's no reason you can't still be close. I speak to family almost every day and am constantly sending photos etc.

TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 12/02/2020 08:56

Ahhhh, good luck with this! So tough Smile

I did this to my parents, we stayed abroad for 8 years. Am massively grateful to my parents for never making me feel guilty.

We now live closer again

We still have a good relationship and throughout we always had a proper long chat at least once a week

It’s doable

magimedi · 12/02/2020 08:58

Mine lives in mainland Europe with partner & DC. Not so far, but still a distance. But they are happy & we have a fab relationship& really love the times we are together.

Email is your friend (as well as Skype*). I reckon I get 4/5 emails a week with just a joke, a picture or a book recommendation. They are lovely & such a quick & easy way to keep in touch.

*Skype - we've moved to using Duo & it is far, far better than skype & also free.