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Original poster

In 11 days time my son leaves the UK for good and my heart is breaking.

77 replies

StillMedusa · 11/02/2020 23:31

It's not like I didn't know it was coming.. I helped him apply for a couple's visa (verrry expensive, very complicated) and I absolutely love his fiancee who lived with us for two years and feels like my own daughter.
He actually met his soulmate.. how many of us can say that?

But... my son, my lovely, funny, talented musician, kind (works with me in a special needs school) oldest son, is leaving.

Tomorrow our school will do a leaver's assembly for him..he is rightly a very popular member of staff as he is fab with the children who adore him... school has done a collection for him and is sending him off with Australian dollars and he has to send a photo to show he has taken his fiancee out for a meal with them Grin (she worked at our school too!)

I've managed to sort of ignore the fact that he's really going, but tomorrow I am going to find it hard to not cry...at work!

I will see him off at Heathrow with a smile and a promise that if he needs me I will be there. He's 26 and perfectly capable of moving to the other side of the world to be with the woman he loves.

But he's MY baby. The boy who gave me hell as a teen and yet turned into the best man I could hope for and it breaks my heart that he will be so far away.

I will never say that to him... I will send him with a smile and a last hug, but it will be at least a year before I can get out there to see him again.

Hold my hand...

OP posts:
Knitwit99 · 12/02/2020 12:02

Sending love x

hellcarryingahandbag · 12/02/2020 14:11

Awwww, your love for your son shines through your writing. My uncle moved to Australia, he came back intermittently, and moved back to the UK a few years ago, six years after moving. You'll still have contact with him, and he could quite possibly return after a few years, like my uncle did. Big hugs, my lovelyFlowers

BarbedBloom · 12/02/2020 14:37

This happened with my friend. She moved to Aus to be with her partner and they are now married with a baby. Her sister moved out there last year too as they are very close. I know her DM is very sad that both of her children now live on the other side of the world, but she said to me that she actually speaks to them more now than she did when they lived two towns over as the distance makes them all more conscious of the importance of staying in touch.

HollowTalk · 12/02/2020 14:52

@barbedbloom, if your friend only has the two children and they are both in Australia, then I think she can get a visa to live there herself, if she wanted that. Hard though if she has older relatives to care for.

Zaphodsotherhead · 12/02/2020 17:16

It's incredibly hard. My middle DD moved out to Oz just over three years ago and I miss her so much it hurts sometimes. But I go out to visit every year (great holidays!) and we chat on Facebook Messenger when I wake up and some nights before I sleep, we FaceTime and, to be honest, we probably communicate more and better than we did when she was living 20 miles down the road, because we are more aware of how precious our time is!

It's hardest when I have to leave her or watch her fly away again, but I know she's happy, doing what she loves, and has an incredible quality of life that she couldn't match over here.

But I feel for you. The waiting for them to go is the worst part. When you see how happy he is when he's settled over there it will all be worth it.

BarbedBloom · 12/02/2020 17:58

@HollowTalk Unfortunately the lady in question divorced their father years ago and is remarried to a lovely man who has two children of his own in this country and doesn't want to move as he also has his own business here. I know she has considered it, but her husband is a firm no. He does pay for her to go out and see them nce a year, but I do know she is finding it harder now she has grandchildren out there. We will see what happens long term I suppose.

ittooshallpass · 12/02/2020 18:13

My heart breaks for you OP. I've told my DD don't find god, don't find drugs and for the love of god don't find Australia!

Original poster
StillMedusa · 12/02/2020 18:17

Ah than you for your kind words.
I got through assembly without making a prat of myself (helped by the fact one of 'my' kids was trying to do a runner so that kept me occupied Grin) so that's good, and it was lovely.. someone had printed out lots of photos of DS1 doing fun things with the kids . He's hoping to do a similar job in Oz as he is is qualified and a natural with even the most complex children.
Then I just need to get over it and get on with packing him up!

I'm going to miss his music most (he's a singer songwriter/guitarist) his testing new music on me watching him play gigs (he's on the local BBC introducing this weekend!) I know his finance will video him playing over there too, but it's not the same. Guess I have to hope he gets that breakthrough and makes enough money to bring us all over :)
Thanks again it helps to unload here... that way I can keep my stiff upper lip!

OP posts:
Topseyt · 12/02/2020 18:39

Hand hold from here too. You sound like a lovely mum and have clearly done a great job raising that lovely young man.

I remember seeing my DD1 (now almost 26) off on the Eurostar for a year abroad as part of her languages degree at uni. Holding it together for that was hard enough and she was only off to Paris.

She has ideas that she wants to work abroad at times in the future (she's a civil servant, so secondments can happen) so I could be in a similar position to you before too long.

It is a curious mixture of emotions isn't it? You are proud of them, you are happy for them, you are wishing them well but you are desperately sad that they are going too, and know that you have to hold it together.

Facetime, Skype and WhatsApp are your friends. We didn't have them when I was a student doing a year abroad (1980s) DD and the rest of us were so glad of them when it was her. They really helped. Several times too I did book a hotel for a long weekend and get on the Eurostar myself to visit her.

Be proactive and set up a savings account so that you will be able to afford the airfare. Have that goal to look forward to when they have been settled for a while.

Shamazing · 12/02/2020 19:05

I don't normally do hand holds (I'm a miserable cow), but I'll happily hold yours tightly. I could cry even thinking about this.

JockTamsonsBairns · 12/02/2020 19:06

@Dillydallyingthrough I am so so sorry Sad

Austriana · 12/02/2020 19:10

God this has made me cry, and I don't know why.

Best of luck, and take pride in his journey.

Haffdonga · 12/02/2020 19:13

I know. Mine moved there to be with his musician girlfriend in November. Flowers

I'm getting used to being happy that he's happy but it's hard.

Heihei · 12/02/2020 19:27

Hand hold here OP. You’re an amazing mum. I hope if my ds ever wants to move abroad I’m half as good as you’re being!

MrsDoylesTeaBags · 12/02/2020 19:31

Well said NumberStation, what a great job you've done Medusa

yaychocolateginandwine · 12/02/2020 19:35

Be proud you have brought him up to have the courage to spread his wings - what an achievement ! Mothers hold a child's hand for such a short time but you will hold their hearts forever ............ I moved abroad nearly 40 years ago and letters took a week to arrive and a week to reply and phone calls were £3 a minute on the first Sunday of each month ....... so much easier now to keep in touch - just think they are only at the end of a mobile phone ( and only a flight away , the world is a smaller place ! ) Sending you all lots of good luck and happiness in the future x

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 12/02/2020 20:17

Let yourself cry no one will expect you not to I’m crying thinking about you

Of course you will wish him all the best that is what you should do and all will be fine

Of course you will miss him but honestly modern technology does make things a lot easier. My dad lives in the states and we often Skype and while doing so I shall be cooking or doing bits and pieces and it’s so much nicer than chatting on the phone.

And Australia is a wonderful country to visit

Igmum · 12/02/2020 20:28

Handhold and much love OP. You sound like a wonderful mum 💐💐

Usernamealreadyexists · 12/02/2020 20:44

This is one of the most moving things I’ve read. What a wonderful and inspiring mother you are. Love is letting go and you are a great example of pure of love. You will let him leave knowing that you raised a beautiful man. Wishing you strength tomorrow.

Roselilly36 · 12/02/2020 20:49

Hand hold here, I am a mum to two lovely sons, I feel your pain.

Papoy · 12/02/2020 20:54

I left home 15 years ago. Yes i may have found my soul mate but I can assure you, I never ever stop missing my family and friends and there isn't a day I don't miss my family... i talk to them every day... or every other day latest...

Here is some tips from someone in the other end..... Use the whatsapp and skype and every single communication tool possible... anything new comes along, ask someone to show you how to use it, dont rely on a weekly call becuase if it isnt enough for you it wont be enough for him either...

From day one keep the communication channels open... and if you could go and visit them in the first year .... Having you over there will make him settle there better and it sets the scene well...

by the way If she lived in UK thats good because she will know it is not easy to adapt to a new place and she will remember being homesick all the time... and will support your son better and encourage the contact more...

Hope it goes well for you and you stay in touch and see eachother alot...

And dont worry about crying.. it is cry as much as you want... it hurts and there is no harm for others to know it....

Emijen · 12/02/2020 20:57

Handhold here op, it sounds so hard. But he sounds like an absolute credit to you!

AnyFucker · 12/02/2020 20:58
Flowers
Hooleywhipper · 12/02/2020 21:00

A very tight hand hold here from a mum who’s DS has spread his wings.
I could burst with pride when I tell people ( as you are , we can feel it) and watch their wonderful reactions to his courage and drive. However I still want him back 4 years on.
Keeping in contact anyway you can is the only advice I have.
Be kind to yourself OP because you have done a fantastic job being his mum.

surelyitcantgetworsethanthis · 12/02/2020 21:24

Handhold OP!
I'm the bad DD who left close family to be with the man I love.
To give you hope, I have a better relationship now with my parents than I did (and it was really close when I was at home)
We speak/txt/chat/face time more or less daily.
My parents visit for 6 weeks a year and that's really quality time. You don't get that when you live close.
Don't get me wrong there are times when all I want is my mum. But it can work, even at a distance!
Good luck OP.

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