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Original poster

In 11 days time my son leaves the UK for good and my heart is breaking.

77 replies

StillMedusa · 11/02/2020 23:31

It's not like I didn't know it was coming.. I helped him apply for a couple's visa (verrry expensive, very complicated) and I absolutely love his fiancee who lived with us for two years and feels like my own daughter.
He actually met his soulmate.. how many of us can say that?

But... my son, my lovely, funny, talented musician, kind (works with me in a special needs school) oldest son, is leaving.

Tomorrow our school will do a leaver's assembly for him..he is rightly a very popular member of staff as he is fab with the children who adore him... school has done a collection for him and is sending him off with Australian dollars and he has to send a photo to show he has taken his fiancee out for a meal with them Grin (she worked at our school too!)

I've managed to sort of ignore the fact that he's really going, but tomorrow I am going to find it hard to not cry...at work!

I will see him off at Heathrow with a smile and a promise that if he needs me I will be there. He's 26 and perfectly capable of moving to the other side of the world to be with the woman he loves.

But he's MY baby. The boy who gave me hell as a teen and yet turned into the best man I could hope for and it breaks my heart that he will be so far away.

I will never say that to him... I will send him with a smile and a last hug, but it will be at least a year before I can get out there to see him again.

Hold my hand...

OP posts:
Hellokittymania · 12/02/2020 09:01

Big hugs to you, I have special needs and I don’t even think that when I left, my mother realized that it would be for good and that I’d be living on a different continent… We see each other maybe once in two years, and she is still very overprotective, mother hen… But I’m changing and she is very supportive.

Best of luck to your son and his fiancée. And I definitely hear you about the visas…

Hepsibar · 12/02/2020 09:03

Big hug. Really cant imagine how much your heart aches.

The only solice can think, if he moved to the other end of the country, it would still be a wrench. If you work in a school you could go in the summer holidays to visit though of course flights are expensive?

You are obviously a wonderful mum and totally lovely human being xxx

Horsemad · 12/02/2020 09:04

Oh, StillMedusa, my heart aches for you.
My own DS may be also moving (to the US) this year, so I know how you feel.
Nobody warns you about this when you're expecting, do they?! 🙂

BUT, you've raised him to be confident and adventurous and he's happy. Take heart from that. Flowers

It's going to be hard but the world's a small place these days and with all the tech available, you can chat/'see' him easily.

Hope the assembly goes well today.

BlueJava · 12/02/2020 09:06

That sounds tough - my own 18 yo son has just applied for a 2 year Canadian visa so I can only imagine what you are going through. You have given him confidence to blossom and he sounds lovely. Focus on the upcoming holiday to Australia and plaster on a smile!!

HairyMaclary · 12/02/2020 09:09

Oh Medusa, I remember you and your wonderful family from SKINUK (was more a lurker than a poster there though!) How wonderful that he is all grown up and ready to live his live far away from you, but I can only imagine the mixture of pride and loss that you must feel. Take care and be gentle with yourself.

Frazzledbutcalm · 12/02/2020 09:09

What an absolutely beautiful post OP.

You are amazing and so is your ds.

Huge hand hold as there are no words to make you feel better. You have done an amazing job, but that won’t help you through this I don’t suppose. You ARE allowed to cry at his assembly.

Wishing you all, all the luck in the world.

Flowers Flowers

TinklyLittleLaugh · 12/02/2020 09:12

Loads of people come back you know; never say never.

I’m likely to be in the same boat; my lot are very adventurous, always with itchy feet. Just be proud of the great job you’ve done with your boy and be kind to yourself.

allflownthenest · 12/02/2020 09:31

StillMedusa my son has been in Australia for 5 years and he loves it. He calls and we have, so far, seen him every 18 months or so. Saying goodbye in never easy and it is a long way. If we didn't have other children I would have moved there with him like a shot. Good luck to him and for you Flowers

Berrymuch · 12/02/2020 09:34

Oh OP, my heart is breaking for you BUT you seem like an absolutely fantastic mum, to put his dreams ahead of your feelings. And what a wonderful job you must have done to nurture a popular teacher, who has met an amazing woman and is confident enough to take a leap of faith and move across the world. I am sure when he is settled you will be able to have some free holidays (well, except the expensive flights, but I'm sure you'll figure something out); plus the wonder of comms nowadays he is a call, video or message away.

peeledplumtomatoes · 12/02/2020 09:38

Aahh, OP, my DS is 13 but you've made me cry. I can completely understand how heartbroken you must feel.

I'm sure you're happy that he's happy and doing what he wants but that doesn't mean you can't also feel so sad inside.

Aebj · 12/02/2020 09:40

If he finds himself in Perth we will look after him!! Also Perth is a beautiful part of Australia.

zafferana · 12/02/2020 09:45

Oh bless you OP. I can only imagine your sadness and no one will blame you for not holding it together in the assembly today - just reading your post has brought a tear to my eye at the thought of either of my precious boys doing this. You are a wonderful mum to not let him know how agonising all this is for you. My wonderful DPs were the same when I moved OS - they didn't know if I'd ever come home - but I did six years later. This might be forever, or it might not. I know people who've moved to Australia with every intention of it being forever, but for a variety of reasons they've ended up back in this country. It might be forever, or it might not. You never know what twists and turns life will take. But Flowers for you. Your DS is so lucky to have such a caring and selfless DM.

Damntheman · 12/02/2020 09:48
anyoldvic · 12/02/2020 09:51

Oh OP, I know exactly how you feel.

DD was a bit lost after dropping out of uni so she took off to the antipodes on a working visa... this was 18 months ago and although we speak all the time I miss her so much. She too was a hellish teen who has grown into a truly wonderful young woman.

She does plan to return but that might not be for another 6-12 months. I think a lot of that last tight hug on the station platform as she headed to the airport and I well up every time Sad

GoodnightJude1 · 12/02/2020 09:54

Oh OP that gave me goosebumps! I think we take it for granted that our children will always be close to us. My eldest DD lives 10 mins away and it still feels too far some days.

It must be of comfort to know that he’ll be with someone that loves him dearly too. What more could we want for our children?

I hope the leaving assembly goes well and through the tears you can feel so proud of your son. Hugs 💐

MaidenMotherCrone · 12/02/2020 09:55

I'm crying for and with you. I have 3 adult sons and just the thought of them being so far away makes me cry.

I'll be here for you tomorrow.

Disfordarkchocolate · 12/02/2020 10:02

I'd be broken-hearted too but saving my tears for later. I miss my children every day and they live within a day's drive.

It sounds like you have made a fine young man; what more can you hope for? Nothing really but it must be so hard. I suggest some intensive distraction in the form of fresh air.

AuntieMarys · 12/02/2020 10:12

My ds has Australian citizenship and I am sure he will move there in the next 5 years.
He lives 300 miles away already, I see him every 6 weeks. Not sure how I will feel if he goes. But I am happy he is independent and seeks new adventures.
Big hugs OP

Herocomplex · 12/02/2020 10:17

Is someone going with you to the airport? It’s the bit after they’ve gone that’s tough,you need a hug and some space to let it all out.

It’s really hard, but WhatsApp and Skype are so brilliant. New adventures, but yes - grief.

Frenchw1fe · 12/02/2020 10:20

Handhold from me. You will cry but that’s fine.
My dd and her fiancé are very keen to move to Australia so I could well be you in a few years and like you I will give full support whilst being very sad.
Thank goodness for FaceTime and start saving for those flights.

spiderlight · 12/02/2020 10:37

Oh sweetheart. Holding your hand so, so tight. DH's brother went to Australia to marry his soulmate five years ago and his parents were so brave but so torn apart by it. They've been back over twice (the last time with their gorgeous new baby) and MIL and PIL flew over for their wedding and are going over again this year. They Skype all the time - it's the norm now for a disembodied head on a screen to be passed round at family gatherings. It's not the same, but it helps.

Wishing him all the luck in the world and sending you the strength and courage to get through today. You've clearly raised a fantastic young man and I hope your sadness is eased by your pride in him.

Dillydallyingthrough · 12/02/2020 11:06

Oh OP this made me cry on the train to work. You are an amazing mom!

I'm in the other side of this, as I'm moving to Canada in July. I know my DM is heartbroken and I wish I could stay but after the Brexit vote and GE my DD (15) has suffered incidents of racism in a very multicultural part of the UK. I was born in the UK as were my whole family but it no longer feels like home. I'm always worried about my DD as racism has just become so acceptable. My DD is very close to my DM and she is distraught but she also feels she is no longer accepted here. I am gutted to leave but need to think longterm as it doesn't seem to be getting better. My DM always has been positive and encouraging but I can see every time she hugs my DD it's a bit tighter and she is fighting back tears. I think we are all dreading the day at the airport. But I am so glad that even if she pretending my DM has been supportive as it means so much. Your DS will really appreciate it.
Your DS is moving for all the right, happy reasons. With technology I'm sure it will feel like hes not very far (I'm hoping!). Sorry for the typos I'm typing through tears Flowers

Morporkia · 12/02/2020 11:44

💐💐💐💐💐

Womenwotlunch · 12/02/2020 11:47

Just wanted to say that you are amazing.

cakeandchampagne · 12/02/2020 11:51

Flowers This will be hard, but you obviously did a wonderful job raising him.