Driving - is it essential if you have kids?

[34withquestions]

Hi - looking to start a family but have had a mixed reaction to driving . I don’t drive have been trying it but not enjoying at all. My OH doesn’t drive either. Been told by many I need to drive if I want kids. Can anybody back this up as being true?

Depends where you live. London, Birmingham and Manchester has amazing public transport so you wouldn’t need to drive. But if you live in a town just 30-60mins away you may need to drive miles just for a routine GP appointment.

It does make life a lot easier.
Of course you don't have to own and run a car, if you can get around by bike and public transport, but it's handy to be able to hire and drive a car when needed.
We've done a lot more UK breaks and holidays since becoming parents and with all the extra crap luggage you end up taking for children, it's so easy to chuck it all in the car.
Could one of you learn?

As PP said, depends where you live.

I live in a village a few miles out of town so I need to drive for the school run, work, shopping, extra curricular activities etc.

Sure I could have made the DC change school when we moved here and could have resigned my job and stopped all after school activities if I didn't have a car but if you can drive it is a skill you always have.

Hi I’m in Edinburgh I’m fairly central to public transport. Just really wondering if this would impact? Really been hounded by people over this just looking for more opinions :)

Yes depends where you live. Not true that it’s essential for all parents to drive though. I have DC, we don’t have a car, it’s fine.

Oh, Edinburgh? No, you’re fine.

I couldn't drive until Dd was 7. It never stopped us doing anything just had to be good at planning things logistically.

Food deliveries can be done online or bring a big shop back in a taxi. Groups and afterschool clubs can be walked too. Dr's and hospitals you can get to by taxi.

However, since learning to drive life is so much easier. DD now swims competitively and that isn't something we could do, driving to galas for 8am starts if I couldn't drive.

Ultimately the decision to learn to drive came after going through redundancy proceedings and realised that without being able to drive my employment opportunities were limited.

It would make life so much easier, appointments, shopping, days out

Our bus service was cut I needed a car then before that I could manage but I wasn't working so I could take a day for a hospital visit

I just don’t enjoy it at all and I’m a nervous wreck while doing it. And this hasn’t changed in all the time I have tried . The mums who I know that drive say it’s the be all end all if they didn’t and how it would affect stuff :(

It's not essential but very helpful if one of you can drive. You don't need to have a car if you don't want to, but it would be good for one of you to have passed your test.

I managed OK with my first child when he was small, but I lived in London so had the bus and tube network, and lots of shops and services were walkable to.

Even so, it became a complete pain when I had DC2 (walking toddler and baby) and then when they were both a bit older and I had one in nursery, the school run, work + various kids clubs, parties etc driving became a lifesaver. I learned to drive then and wished I’d done it sooner.

I hated learning to drive, btw. And I wasn’t a natural. I’d say it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, in fact. But totally worth it.

It’s your decision. Everyone has an opinion but it’s up to you.

Once they're out of infant carriers, they get a lot less portable for lift sharing. Toddler car seats are very awkward to move around.

Children's activities such as soft play or petting farms are often difficult to access by public transport in industrial or rural places. Older children's activities may not work well with public transport timetables.
Dropping off at nursery/ school/ work may not be viable without the flexibility of driving.

More food shopping to transport.

Children take up a lot of time. My non-driving friend could bus to me when her oldest was still using the pram. Much harder with two, and nigh on impossible to fit into a school day when the oldest went to school. For years, I couldn't pick her up as 2 adults and 4 children do not fit in a standard car, and although I now have a 7 seater, she is often a significant diversion away.

If you're in an urban area with a lot on your doorstep and great, frequent, reliable public transport connections (city centres or small towns tend to be best) it is doable, but for the majority of people in suburbs or rural areas, not driving would be very compromising on lifestyle and opportunities.

Definitely not essential in Edinburgh but unless you plan to live in a city forever, it could prove problematic in the future.

Impact on what? Your ability to parent? No.
Ease of life? Yes imo.

We have twins and it’s a bloody nightmare. Thank god DH passed his test when I was pregnant or we’d have had an absolute nightmare.

Now trying to get them into a specialist school five miles away, the LA won’t fund transport - DH currently works from home so can drive them but now I really have to learn.

I’m terrified of driving so it’s going to be hell. Genuinely pricing up the cost of taxis every day 😬

It depends where you live and how far your GP, schools and family are from you. It’s easier if you can drive but there are a lot of places where you could get away with not driving.

I jst worry that I’m more of a danger on the road and iv been trying to ages now and failed my test(s). My OH doesn’t have the option to drive.ill just have to have a think to myself

The mums who I know that drive say it’s the be all end all if they didn’t and how it would affect stuff

If these are people who live very locally to you then I'd ask them to tell you a bit more about why. There might be things you haven't thought of. But I suspect it's more a case of people who do drive arrange their lives accordingly and then can't imagine being unable to drive, which isn't the same thing as you NEEDING to drive. (I also had people tell me that I would really really struggle to cope with children without driving, they were wrong.)

If you're anywhere close to central in Edinburgh though you're really well served by public transport and by taxis.

Driving hasn’t come naturally to me at all fee sick every time I get in the car and keep failing the test.also somebody drove into me on a lesson(not my fault ) and it’s really set me back again.

I just don’t enjoy it at all and I’m a nervous wreck while doing it
This was me 10 years ago and although I still don’t enjoy driving and I don’t do motorways I get in the car and do it everyday. It gets easier.

What if one of kids needed to go to the hospital in the middle of the night?

I'd imagine if you live in Edinburgh it's probably fine not to drive. Whereas where I live, inability to drive would mean that my children could never do swimming lessons or gymnastics, or go to their athletics club, or the library. Or orchestra. Or even, in the case of one of them, safely get to school. (And neither I nor my husband could get to work) I don't even live in the middle of nowhere, I'm in a village, but outside of big cities public transport can be almost non existent, and totally non existent in the evenings and at the weekend.

I think you'll be fine in Edinburgh but if you ever want to move out it might be more problematic.

Also consider activities in future. For example, one of your dc might be good at sport or music and you may need to ferry them to swimming meets or concerts in other towns, that might not be so easy if neither of you drive and then you end up either having to call in lots of favours or spend a lot on taxis (which may not matter if you are not spending money on running a car).