Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Driving - is it essential if you have kids?

106 replies

34withquestions · 09/02/2020 16:39

Hi - looking to start a family but have had a mixed reaction to driving . I don’t drive have been trying it but not enjoying at all. My OH doesn’t drive either. Been told by many I need to drive if I want kids. Can anybody back this up as being true?

OP posts:
Runnerduck34 · 09/02/2020 18:36

Completely depends on where you live. I live rurally with no public transport and need a car to go anywhere, however I grew up in a large town with everything we needed was within walking distance and it also had good public transport links so we didn't have a car for most of my childhood. I think having a car makes life easier but isn't essential if you live in a large town or a city .

happymummy12345 · 09/02/2020 18:41

I agree it depends where you live. Dh doesn't drive due to a medical condition and I don't because I chose not to learn. We get by

HandsOffMyLangCleg · 09/02/2020 18:50

I've found that now my children are teenagers that "Mom or Dad's taxi service' is in demand and that I do more driving than when they were younger.

My kids go to various clubs and schools a few miles away. Some clubs finish later on the evening and it's easier and safer and quicker by car.

I also have to drive for work to different sites.

I've been driving for 30 years and it took me 5 tests aged 17.
The thing is, lately I'm losing my nerve and I think once the kids are off to work/uni I may consider going back to one car and changing jobs. I completely understand the anxiety - the roads have changed alot since I first learned.

PineappleDanish · 09/02/2020 19:06

I grew up in Edinburgh and within the city the public transport is great. But when you've got one child who needs to be at Brownies in Portobello at 6.15pm, then you have to get your older one to orchestra at Leith Academy, then back to collect the younger one and back to Leith, driving gets easier. Or when your child shows a real passion for skating and it's lessons every night at Murrayfield. Or a swimmer who trains at the Commie Pool before the buses evens start running in the morning. Or when you fancy a day out at Deep Sea World / Beecraigs / Vogrie and have to plan with military precision around the very few buses. Or when your kids are invited to a party at soft play at the other side of the city and the nearest bus stop is a mile away in the pouring rain. And you can't make it easier on yourself by sharing lifts with another parent because you can't do the "I'll take them and you pick them up" thing.

Not essential. But 1000% easier.

Hepsibar · 09/02/2020 19:08

It's not essential especially if you live in a town where lots of things are within walking distance and public transport is available. With online shopping, medicine and so on this also helps.

When you're little one gets older and maybe starts various activities after school and during the holidays, especially if you are working you may find it useful to have your own transport. Then if they start a sport you may find you have to go further afield, though sometimes the coaches or other families will take them.

Urkiddingright · 09/02/2020 19:10

Depends where you live. If you live in a big city with good public transport links then it isn’t so important. If you ever fancy a trip away to the countryside for example or the seaside then yeah, you kinda need to drive.

I personally find driving makes life a lot easier but when I lived in a big city I didn’t need to drive even half as much.

Sparklingbrook · 09/02/2020 19:18

Good transport links could mean you can do a journey taking one train, two buses and a walk the other end. But with DC plus associated stuff in tow that's not going to be much fun, especially having to do it all again in reverse.

stoplickingthetelly · 09/02/2020 19:20

I think you really should learn to drive to be honest. I didn’t enjoy learning to drive and I’m definitely not a natural, but I’m so pleased I did it. Think you’ll start to notice it most once your dc are school age. In my experience non-driving parents often end up relying on driving friends to give their kids lifts to parties, clubs etc. The driving parents do it because kids are friends and they don’t want them missing out, but it’s not fair really.

Grandpoplar · 09/02/2020 19:22

Of course it’s not essential but it will make your life easier if you or your partner can.

I passed my test as a teen and then didn’t drive much after that. It doesn’t come naturally to me. I decided I needed to get back behind the wheel when I was pregnant though, and started to drive my husband’s car a bit when the roads were quieter to build up my confidence so that I knew I could drive in an emergency. Being pregnant really focused my mind and gave me a reason to do it.

I relied on public transport while I was on mat leave and I felt pretty restricted and isolated at times - I only tended to go places within walking distance of my home.

When I returned to work, public transport in my area experienced major problems which made getting back on time to pick up my boy pretty stressful. So I bit the bullet and got a car, and honestly it’s been life changing. My son has had a various health appointments and hospital visits - yes I could have got us there in a taxi but knowing I can drive there myself is reassuring. We can also go for days out and have a change of scenery much easier than if I rely on public transport.

Good luck, you can do it.

Howmanysleepsnow · 09/02/2020 19:30

I live in a city (or a suburb of one). I drive, but day to day I don’t use the car. Shopping, after school clubs, parks, school run can all be done on foot. I only use the car if I’m working in another city, or for bigger days out. I assume as a non-driver you have ways of getting to work/ days out that work for you, and they should continue to work.

Adviceplease1234 · 09/02/2020 19:39

I think it would make life a lot easier. I didn't take to driving naturally at all but I clicked with my 5th (!) driving instructor and finally passed my test. Would you be open to finding a new instructor?

I've got two children and live in a town with good transport links but would really struggle without my car. It gives you the freedom to choose your own timetable.

Also, there are so many beautiful places in Scotland to explore with children and a car would make it a lot easier.

Nikster11 · 09/02/2020 20:39

Similar to you, I hated driving. I was absolutely crap at it and failed my test twice.

I didn't drive with my first Daughter, and to be honest it wasn't too much of a problem. I live a 30 min walk from town and I just walked everywhere and didn't find it a big deal.

I then passed my test when my Daughter was about 18 months old and it was absolutely life changing. It made everything a million times easier. Being able to pop in to town, get to the doctors, get her to nursery etc without too much hassle was just brilliant.

I would also say that as babies turn in to toddlers, they start kicking off about the most stupid things and also won't sit still (eg on a bus) and it can be a f**king nightmare trying to walk them to town or get public transport.

Definitely doable without a driving licence, but would say it is mega helpful and makes things easier.

DoAsYouWouldBeMumBy · 09/02/2020 20:40

OP, I work in Edinburgh and live in a small town in East Lothian. Pretty much none of my colleagues drive regularly (many don't have a licence) and neither I nor DH drive. We really don't need to. Public transport is great, Edinburgh is a small city with terrible parking - there's just no need. In the small town we live in, everything - school, GP, pool etc - is less than 10 mins walk away.

You, your kids and the planet will be healthier if you don't drive SmileBlushStar

CormoranStrike · 09/02/2020 20:42

Think of your childcare options and getting to and from your home to childcare and work etc.
Think of doctor’s appointments too.

But in general, you will be able to make it work.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 09/02/2020 21:00

It's not essential by any means but it certainly makes things easier and gives us more options. I drive more and further now DD is older.

Particular things have meant driving was a must:

  • DD performing at a venue in a neighbouring town. She went to/from school by coach but I had to get back from the event to collect her from school. Timings would have been impossible by public transport. Not a compulsory thing but an opportunity DD wanted to participate in.
  • parties at venues out of our area and not easy to get to/from either by public transport or the timing wouldn't have worked to get to and back to.
  • I couldn't get from childcare drop off to work without a car.
  • DD's clubs. Often have events around the area not just in the city and/or a late finish so getting home by car in 10mins is preferable.

I drive (and got over my fear of driving) because I wanted to have that freedom. As it happens, DH isn't always able to drive because of a chronic illness so being able to drive means we can always get home from places.

Crunchymum · 09/02/2020 21:15

We live in London. I cant drive, DP doesn't have a car at present (insurance is ridiculous). We can get everywhere we need to go by public transport (this includes day trips to the beach etc). Although if need be we have the option to hire a car.

Only reason I've considered learning to drive is because DC3 is disabled and attends a regular physio session which is quite out of the way. It takes an hour + each way, whereas driving it is less than 30 minutes. We do this at least once a week and will do for the foreseeable Shock
Driving would be much easier.... only thing in 25 years I've felt really would be easier if I did drive.

squee123 · 09/02/2020 21:16

I find that car owners often cannot possibly imagine how anyone manages without a car, but there are many of us that do quite happily. If neither of you can drive you set your life up accordingly and live in an area with good public transport and it is your normal and you get on with it. I know lots of parents in London that drive and also many that don't. The ones that don't tell me they manage just fine. The ones that do drive typically tell me it would be impossible to survive without a car. Just keep living somewhere with excellent public transport and you will be fine

Sparklingbrook · 09/02/2020 21:20

I could survive without a car but it wouldn't be much fun. I would have to quit work as I couldn't get there.

Formermousemat · 09/02/2020 21:23

I don't drive but my husband does, so I have him to help if it's necessary.

I think it really depends where you live. I don't know Edinburgh that well so I can't comment on that, but you at least need lots of stuff in walking distance to make it work.

You also need a back up plan for emergencies. My son once managed to be ill the one day of the month my husband was working away, so I had to get a taxi to the emergency out of hours doctor which was on the other side of the city. Not easy.

GoldenOmber · 09/02/2020 21:24

Presume OP already works somewhere she can get to without a car though, Sparklingbrook.

Sparklingbrook · 09/02/2020 21:28

Yes at the moment I guess so Golden, but if they want/need to change jobs it means there's more choice IYKWIM.

This thread made me think how many life choices would have been impossible for me without being able to drive.

timeforawine · 09/02/2020 21:28

If you have good buses/taxis available then no. I don't drive and manage just fine with my 3 year old when my husband is away and i need to use public transport. She loves the bus 😄

GoldenOmber · 09/02/2020 21:33

In Edinburgh they're probably fine for getting anywhere work-wise on public transport tbh. The bus network is really, really good. Would become more of an issue if they ever wanted to move way out past the outskirts.

Gottheteeshirtandlostit · 09/02/2020 21:35

It's definitely not essential to have a car but it is probably more convenient - but then for me, some things trump convenience. (Like me not killing anyone with my seriously atrocious driving).

For emergencies (like getting a child to a hospital in the middle of the night) we use taxis. Also use taxis for things like dropping kids off at obscure places for cub camps, DofE expeditions, out-of-the-way party destinations. Probably get a couple of cabs a week but we're not running a car/paying parking/insurance etc so it still works out cheaper.

Not driving doesn't mean limiting yourself - you just have to do a bit more research when it comes to holidays etc. We've been all over the world using trains, planes, buses, cabs, boats. Camping was a bit of a challenge without a car but still doable with a light-weight tent.

The DCs are now teens and If anything they are more independent than their friends who don't seem to be able to get anywhere without Mummy or Daddy giving them a lift.

melissa1215 · 09/02/2020 21:39

It's a lot easier for appointments and when pregnant it's generally just easier, especially at the end.

I drive, but didn't drive when I was 6 months pregnant (couldn't actually fit behind the wheel and I'm genuinely not exaggerating). My husband used to take me home from work as the 30 minute bus ride could be hard work if I had to stand etc