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Original poster

Driving - is it essential if you have kids?

106 replies

34withquestions · 09/02/2020 16:39

Hi - looking to start a family but have had a mixed reaction to driving . I don’t drive have been trying it but not enjoying at all. My OH doesn’t drive either. Been told by many I need to drive if I want kids. Can anybody back this up as being true?

OP posts:
Original poster
34withquestions · 09/02/2020 16:56

Thanks GoldenOmber I’m glad somebody has been told the same. I jst don’t want something putting me off having a family :(

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 09/02/2020 16:56

It does make things easier. For me it meant the DC could go the First school I wanted them to for instance. Taking them to days out, to their friends etc and later on the dreaded junior football matches each week in very remote locations.
But I have been driving since I was 17 and the roads are very different now so I can understand that it's more daunting to learn and pass your test.

gamerwidow · 09/02/2020 16:56

What if one of kids needed to go to the hospital in the middle of the night?
That’s a silly reason to learn to drive. Ambulances will come if it’s truly an emergency everything else can wait.

AnotherEmma · 09/02/2020 16:56

Get your DP to learn then.
Since you're struggling with driving perhaps it would be good for him to step up.
After all, you'll be doing the pregnancy and birth bit!

isabellerossignol · 09/02/2020 16:57

What if one of kids needed to go to the hospital in the middle of the night?

Presumably she'd get a taxi if it was something non life threatening and an ambulance if it was something that warranted it. Just like someone who can actually drive would do if their car was being repaired, or they'd been drinking, or they had a limb in plaster.

user1493413286 · 09/02/2020 16:57

I drive but when I had my first DD I lived 5 minutes walk from our small town and 5 minutes from the train station to get a 10 minute train into our local city and found it easier to get the train rather than wrestle with car seat and pram, get DD in and out, plan trips around feeding so I barely used my car. If you don’t currently have a car then you must be used to public transport and live somewhere that you can easily get places. I think with 2 it would be harder but people manage it.
The one thing that would be very hard is going to stay anywhere with your DC by yourself as you can’t exactly have a pram and suitcase by yourself on public transport.

GoldenOmber · 09/02/2020 16:59

What if one of kids needed to go to the hospital in the middle of the night?

Taxi. She's in Edinburgh, there's decent reliable taxis 24 hours a day, they all know the way to the hospitals.

TheGreyInThisCity · 09/02/2020 16:59

If it helps, I hated driving when I was learning, I really didn't enjoy it at all and used to dread my lessons, I honestly wanted to give up. It was only when I had passed my test (it took a few goes!) and had been driving independently for a while that I became more confident and started to enjoy it. Now I have no qualms about doing long journeys on my own, or driving abroad or anything like that. I really would keep going with it, it definitely gets easier and even if you don't need it every day it's such a good skill to have.

HuloBeraal · 09/02/2020 17:01

Or since she is in Edinburgh she will use a cab. We live in London. We have chosen not to have a car. Its never been a problem. For long trips we use Zipcar. But day to day we have never needed it.
We do most of our shopping online.
DH and I commute by Tube.
Kids schools are walking distance. All their friends are walking distance.

Pretty much everything in central London is Tube accessible.

Original poster
34withquestions · 09/02/2020 17:01

In the event of an emergency I would call an ambulance. I’m central enough at the moment but would have to consider if we did move. Thanks again for all the comment and opinions I feel better knowing that I’m not the only one. Thanks again

OP posts:
BadCatDirtyCat · 09/02/2020 17:02

I feel similar to you (tried learning once and it was awful!) and I'm pregnant so 🤞. We live in London and DP can drive and could in theory use a zip car but I think he'd be terrified too so probably won't want to.

I'm hopeful that it will be OK. The only real reason that I wish I could drive is that it would make things easier if we ever decide to up sticks and move to the country.

I've lived in Edinburgh too and if you're fairly central I'd have thought it would be fine.

EverythingChanges321 · 09/02/2020 17:02

Try some hypnotherapy to help with your driving anxieties. You can get through this.

I live rurally and drive. DH can’t drive nowadays due to sight issues. It would make life very difficult if I didn’t drive at all. There’s the chronic lack of public transport for starters and arranging play dates and attending after school clubs for DC would be impossible if I didn’t drive.

You live in Edinburgh now, but what if you decided to move?
I’ve lived in many places so I can’t imagine living in one place all my life but maybe you will only live in major cities?

PurpleDaisies · 09/02/2020 17:04

You live in Edinburgh now, but what if you decided to move?

Presumably she could learn then?

Kittensinmysupper · 09/02/2020 17:04

As someone who has taught 3 kids and 4 adults to drive ... I need to tell you that anxiety and fear are absolutely normal !!

As with all things . The more you do it the less scary it becomes.

Letseatgrandma · 09/02/2020 17:07

It’s entirely up to you. We live in a fairly central location but driving makes my life so much easier. I have a 10 minute drive to work, but it would be a very early bus which would be a pain as well as trying to walk to/wait for/get whilst carrying all the bits I need. Driving to kids’ clubs, friends, doctors, opticians, hospital, dentist appointments would be very difficult as well. We go to visit friends and family often as well and drive off with a careful of stuff. If we had to get the train, we wouldn’t be able to take half the stuff we need and getting around when we arrived would be hard.

If you’re happy to do all that with kids then that’s your choice-as long as you don’t expect lifts, there’s no issue.

tethersend · 09/02/2020 17:08

I learned to drive at 39- I live in London, so didn’t need to as such; I just wanted to drive in order to get out of the city whenever we wanted to. Kids were 5 and 9, so managed ok until then.

I was the worst driver. Nervous doesn’t even cover it. I went through five instructors until I found a good one, failed my test three times. Then passed the fourth time. Hired cars for a couple of years (manual and auto- auto is a DREAM) and bought my first car last year at the age of 41. I drive every day, actually enjoy it, love motorway driving. I don’t get nervous anymore.

How you are as a learner is not how you are as a driver- it’s a learning process. If you don’t want to learn now, that’s fine- but don’t rule it out and accept that you’re going through the process of learning; confidence comes with experience Smile

GoldenOmber · 09/02/2020 17:09

If her partner doesn't have the option to drive then they're probably not ever going to move anywhere that driving is really essential.

midsomermurderess · 09/02/2020 17:12

Edinburgh with a car can be hellish, especially now with the roadworks for the trams but what if you want to go down the coast with the kids on a sunny Sunday or to the Pentlands for a walk, or a nice day in the East Neuk? None is that easy by public transport, with kids and all you need for the day. Being able to drive is such a useful skill and the more you do it the more confident you become

Runkle · 09/02/2020 17:19

Have you tried an automatic car? They really are so much easier. I couldn't get to grips with a manual, love an automatic.

HJWT · 09/02/2020 17:24

Have you tried automatic?

Divebar · 09/02/2020 17:25

There’s a difference between managing and making life easier and more comfortable for yourself and your family. I drove at 22 but didn’t own a car until I was in my 30’s. I can remember after buying my London flat trying to get to an industrial estate to look at wood flooring and lugging tins of paint home on the bus from B&Q. It’s not fun.... and trying to get pushchairs on a busy bus to get to a nursery or childminder - not fun. ( particularly if buses are going to sail past you because they already have 2 pushchairs on already). Do you fancy doing that in crap weather in winter with a baby? Learning to drive gives you options.

BertieBotts · 09/02/2020 17:26

Of course it's not essential! It makes life easier but you will be fine without it. MN is weird about driving, see current long thread about it!

GoldenOmber · 09/02/2020 17:32

MN is very weird about driving yes.

I was living in Edinburgh when I had DC1. Was fine. Buses or walking got me most places (used slings a lot because it makes buses easier), and the Edinburgh bus network is really good. Taxis if needed to get to somewhere like hospital in the middle of the night.

adaline · 09/02/2020 17:33

I'd say in Edinburgh you should be okay as the public transport is good there. We live rurally and driving is practically a necessity. We have no bus service and a single platform train station - that's it.

One thing to consider though is getting around to activities - are things like soft play, mother/toddler groups on the bus routes? Will there be room for you and a pushchair on the bus? Could you manage a pushchair and things like the food shop on the bus all at once? What about when the weather is awful - are you going to want to stand and wait in the pissing rain waiting for a bus?

SinkGirl · 09/02/2020 17:34

I’m going to start lessons again soon and just keep going until I feel calmer. Last lesson I had was years ago, I was fine going 30 round town but instructor took me on a dual carriage way and I was convinced I was going to die. Anything over 30 feels insanely dangerous to me. I hate it. DH is such a good safe natural driver too which just makes it worse!

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