Driving - is it essential if you have kids?

[34withquestions]

Hi - looking to start a family but have had a mixed reaction to driving . I don’t drive have been trying it but not enjoying at all. My OH doesn’t drive either. Been told by many I need to drive if I want kids. Can anybody back this up as being true?

I agree with the previous suggestions about automatics - hybrids (well maybe not now the government wants to get rid of them, but they're here to stay in the short term) and electric cars are the future - and they are automatics.

I can imagine a city like Edinburgh will ban the most polluting cars anyway if it hasn't already, so having an automatic would not be disadvantageous at all.

Totally depends where you live. I live in a tiny village in Yorkshire and no way could manage without a car. One of my closest friends with same age dc lives centralish London and can’t drive and has never needed to.

It’s important to consider that taxis cease to be a viable option once your child is out of the infant carrier stage because toddler seats are massive. If your public transport would allow you to do the nursery drop then commute to work without difficulty, and also get to a decent number of activities for kids then you’ll be fine providing you don’t mind having to do it even in bad weather. I don’t know Edinburgh but I know many Londoners and New Yorkers without cars because they just don’t need them. However, if this isn’t the case and you do think it would be easier to learn then automatic might be the way to go.

I live 2 miles from DDs school, on a massive hill, on an A road... Not driving would be very inconvenient for us. My neighbour doesn't drive for environmental reasons and doesn't have children- but even she thinks it would be unfeasible with young children between 3-10ish. Swimming pool is 4 miles away. Scouts is a mile (so walkable in summer, route not safe for children at night). Supermarket 1.5miles. Library is 2 miles. Soft play 2.5 miles.

I grew up in London. Neither of my parents drive. We survived, and probably made us more independent than a lot of preteens/teenagers.

I didn’t lean until my ds was about 1 btw and it took me 8 attempts! Had I not moved from the city I was living in I probably wouldn’t have bothered. Definitely don’t let it put you off having a family if you have good transport links

I don't think it's essential, it totally depends on your life and situation. If you live somewhere with great transport links, it's not really an issue.

I know more people that don't drive than those that do, many of those with kids. They all seem to get along fine.

I don't drive but DP does. It's not a problem as I work from home and everything essential is within walking distance from our house.

I actually think Edinburgh is particularly non car-friendly so whilst driving is a good skill to have it’s definitely not essential

Well it makes life a lot easier sometimes e.g. if you needed to take your child to a and e it's much better to just drive than faff around booking a taxi or asking for a lift.

Having said that it is very expensive and my MIL-to-be managed without it^^ and she had 4 kids, single mum.

It's up to you!

DH and I both learnt to drive in our youth. But we’ve never owned a car and we had our epiphany moment about driving decades ago and at least one decade before we had a family. If you don’t like driving don’t do it. If you need another reason the environment is a good one

It's not essential, as others have said it depends on your lifestyle and where you live.

I don't drive and don't intend to ever learn, I'm a single parent of a 6 year old.

I live in a town in between 2 cities with great public transport.

Pretty much everything we need day to day is within a 30 minute walking distance - DS's school (currently in primary but there are 2 secondary schools in walking distance for when that time comes), my job, 3 major supermarkets and other shops, the doctor's surgery, the dentist, the after school activities DS does.

For things further out we live a 10 minute walk from a bus stop with regular services between the cities, and a 10 minute walk from the train station.

I never get this whole "ferrying teens around" that goes on on MN either. When I was a teen I was never ferried around by my mum who did drive - I was given bus money and made my own way around! We have never lived rurally though so public transport is always available.

Where I am it's not essential but it would be very difficult to keep them amused as bad public transport links. Also makes attending birthday parties/making mum friends and attending toddler groups hard as they can all be scattered

It might not be essential now but it may be at some point down the line so I would recommend sticking with the lessons. If you plan to work and want to take your DC to nursery - how will this journey be on a dark, wet, cold winter days. The logistics of dashing from work to nursery or school pick up when relying on public transport is pretty stressful as is dragging a tired fractious child on a bus after work.

It's definitely not essential, please don't let it stress you out or put you off having a family. I live in Edinburgh and walked to all baby groups, GP appointments, playdates etc. I do drive and have a car, I just preferred to walk. Get a car seat so if you need to get a taxi you can.

For my family that is untrue. We don’t need a car. Yes, it comes as useful sometimes but it is damaging our environment and we would make a big saving if we got rid of it, if we took taxi those rare times we needed a car. But I live in London and there is ample public transport and so far everything has been walking distance and finding parking space can be hell if you go most places during the day. At night it is easier but how often are you likely to be out at night with children? Almost everywhere is residential parking only except at night (with the exception of one or two car spaces so it will be based on luck if you can find space to park your car).

This is mostly true if you got younger children the need for a car can be low. Everything is walking distance right now for my young family. Primary school is 0.6 mile away, Gp similar distance, library and leisure centre are much closer and the park is on the next street. There is online delivery for shopping and dh rides his bike to work (because of no parking spaces available at work). Now can you convince my dh that we don’t need a car? Yes, I would need to take public transport to visit friends & family and my part time job, but I’m happy with that.

I have a license but haven't driven since ds was born almost 5 years ago (for mental health reasons).

I manage to get my kids to the library, to preschool, to the gym, out for lunch, to museums and to a variety of baby classes as well as softplay either on foot or by public transport. We live in a little village and it's perfectly doable so Edinburgh should be absolutely fine.

On the plus side both mine could easily walk a mile and a half by the time they were 18 months old. Would have been a lot harder if they needed the buggy for any reason.

I have a 2 year old and can't drive due to severe anxiety. Ive tried learning several times. It's ok at the moment but I do worry it will be restrictive for her as she gets older

We live in a medium sized town. I work 6 miles away and 2 days a week I finish at 2.30 to do the school run, it would be a push to get back in time on a bike.

Hairdresser, dentist, optician and kids club all in a town 20 minutes away, so I have to drive. All these things could be more local and/or I couldn't fit them in after school, it would have to be weekend. If I couldn't drive, my life would not be organised like it is, but it's not essential.

If I lived in a city with really good public transport I maybe wouldn't run a car but I'd definitely want a licence so I could hire or do car club for longer trips, holidays etc.

I've never had to get children around on public transport so I don't know how hard that is but shopping and stuff wouldn't be easy I'd imagine. It would be a nightmare where I live I think. I am very dependent on my car.

I still think it is better to learn to drive now and get your licence, even if you don't get a car, because it's much harder to find the time, energy and money when you have kids.

Plus IIRC I think you can only hire a car after you've had a licence for 3 years.

You might not want to run a car now but if you had a driving licence you'd be able to get one straight away if your situation changed and you needed one in future.

Plus if you don't drive you'll tailor your life choices accordingly (houses, jobs, nurseries etc).

I think it is definitely an advantage TBH. When my DD was born we lived in the country and it was a pain getting around .When DS was born had passed test and moved to suburban seaside town, much easier ! I would persevere with the lessons if you can .When I was in my 20s I learnt to drive on a manual car and gave up .32 when passed 2nd time on an automatic. I found it much easier to drive without having gears to worry about! Maybe try this out ? Also had lady instructor about same age as me ,really like going out with a friend! Even if you live in a city unless you get DC into the nearest school (not a given if over subscribed )! You may face a lengthy walk .Also activities are in random places ,Sports centres ./farms and so on

Honestly, do it now, don't give up or you'll never do it. It's SO much easier with school runs and after school activities if you drive, even if school is close to you.

If you give up you'll have wasted a ton of money on lessons and tests, and you'll be much more anxious if you go back to it. Can you get some kind of therapy to help with your anxiety? Fear of driving is really common, and cognitive behavioural therapy can help you conquer it.

adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/overcome-fear-driving

It makes your life easier.

If you use public transport use a sling because you are not entitled to the space for your pram, the space is for disabled passengers and you can be asked to collapse your pram and if you can't comply, to disembark and get a later bus/train/tram etc.

Most traditional in appearance prams don't collapse and world facing buggies which fold up umbrella style aren't suitable or ideal for a baby less than a year.

Edinburgh has one of the best bus networks in Britain. Lothian buses regularly win awards. They’re council run, reasonably priced, have free WiFi, electronic boards to tell you when the next bus will arrive, destination timings on board, dedicated spaces for pushchairs, etc.
By contrast, parking and driving a car in Edinburgh is a total nightmare!
I usually park at DDs house in the suburbs and get the bus to whichever bit of Edinburgh I’m going to.

OP, in your situation I wouldn’t even consider learning to drive, let alone get a car. There’s a great train network from Waverley to all the lovely Fife coastal places, and up to the hills and forests further north.
If you were ever to leave the city, you could rethink at that point.

I missed out on loads as kid because my mum didn’t drive. And we lived in a big city. Public transport usually doesn’t line up with clubs, parties etc.