Just need to offload this-disgusted by friend’s behaviour

[Velveteal]

Family friend, happily married, 2 children is commenting on lots of women’s Instagram pages. He’s in his 40’s and some of these are girls of 17. They’re insta famous models, fitness gurus that type of thing. Lots of ‘what I’d do to you’ ‘sexy body’ ‘you’re so hot’ type of comments.

It’s just so sleezy and I’m worried about his wife finding out. To see the comments you have to just click on the women he’s following so it’s not difficult!

That’s it really. Just really disappointed in him.

Tell his wife. Or you are sort of complicit in allowing it to go on.

Op is not complicit, that is on him

But she would not be a true friend if she turned a blind eye

Stay out of it. If she has already taken him back after texting a colleague then chances are she wouldn't do anything anyway.

The riot act she read him presumably said "this is your last fucking chance, anything else like this and you're out."

She deserves to have the information to make that informed decision.

I'm not denying how tough that will be OP but often the right thing isn't the easy thing.

Sorry, I know you probably wish you'd never seen them but you have the chance now to let her make an informed decision about the man she shares her bed and life with.

She may have felt able to cope with inappropriate texting. For me, writing sleazy comments under pictures of teenagers would be worse and I think she deserves to know that it's going on as she may feel that way too.

Sorry, I know this is all shit

Um mich as I would want the wife to know and it's great you are concerned I'd step back.

Or speak to the bloke x

Tell him if he doesn’t tell his wife you will.

Wait till the kids have done their GCSEs, then post print outs through her door.

In this situation I would say treat people how you would want to be treated...and you say you would want to know.
Personally I would put the ball in his court and reply to his comments saying 'still not learnt your lesson you dirty perv? Are you going to tell your wife or shall I?'.

Or you are sort of complicit in allowing it to go on.

I do agree with this. I know this isn’t your fault OP. However seeing messages and not in some way, calling it out, is making this man think it’s okay to do this.

Behavior needs a bedrock of implicit consent to carry on.

This is absolutely tearing me up inside I just don’t know what to do. DH says to stay out of it, that it’s none of our business and it’s his own marriage to destroy.

You could take screenshots of his messages along with the profiles of these girls/women and send them to him telling him you know and if he doesn't stop then the next envelope goes to his wife! All anonymously!

I agree with PP. Take a load of screenshots and wait until the DC exams are over and post them.

Well, how is she going to know it's destroyed if no one tells her?

This is a bit hyperbolic but "All it takes for evil cheaters to triumph is for good men to do nothing their friends to say nothing".

I would want to know. You don’t say what the gender of his kids are but given one is doing GCSEs, if it’s a daughter I wonder how he would feel about some old creepy middle-aged man saying these things to her. As a wife and a Mum, I’d want to know. I realise the timing is awful but I’d rather get to the bottom of it and while I’d maybe be shocked and embarrassed, I’d be grateful for the heads up.

Behavior needs a bedrock of implicit consent to carry on.

Exactly. You are complicit. You made it your business when you did your online snooping.

How are you going to answer your friend when she finds out, in a year, or five years and asks how no-one else had spotted the signs and why nobody told her?

You don't have to tell her. Just let him know that you know. Let him sort out his own marriage.