Just need to offload this-disgusted by friend’s behaviour

[Velveteal]

Family friend, happily married, 2 children is commenting on lots of women’s Instagram pages. He’s in his 40’s and some of these are girls of 17. They’re insta famous models, fitness gurus that type of thing. Lots of ‘what I’d do to you’ ‘sexy body’ ‘you’re so hot’ type of comments.

It’s just so sleezy and I’m worried about his wife finding out. To see the comments you have to just click on the women he’s following so it’s not difficult!

That’s it really. Just really disappointed in him.

Yuck!

I discovered my STBHX was making lewd comments to a model on a swimwear company website. It was possible to link to them directly & then exchange emails I might have been slightly hacking his laptop as I was suspicious

He came across as an oversexed teenager & was signing himself "Wicked Willy" FFS. Pathetic really.

I'd tell his wife.

If my friend told me about such behaviour, I'd have no issue with her.
If you're worried about a 'kill the messenger' scenario that could potentially damage your friendship, well then it's not a true friendship.
A real friend, while they won't say, "Thanks a million" will be hurt but grateful in knowing. Because, to be honest, by the time he's doing this, I'm sure it's not all roses behind closed doors. Tell her. Better out than in, as they say.

It would be great if you could comment on them. Even something simple like
Omg you are married?!
Or just a sick face.

My Ex did this, not to young women but to other women, and not quite so sleaze but it was still devastating. It would be comments like
‘So glamorous as always’ to women’s pictures that we knew. Or when he got wise, in private messages.

But you know, I was his wife?!

I found out and confronted him. However he still does it and I don’t think he has any idea how cringe and disrespectful it is.

It would be really powerful to say something as a totally uninvolved party. If a woman had correct my Ex I tell you I would have jumped for joy! It would have really shown him that it wasn’t on full stop.

Never used the site myself but surely Instagram should be ensuring that 17 year olds or people posting on behalf of 17 year olds do not post inappropriate content on the site? It’s one of the biggest sites in the world, it must be monitored surely?

Copy the messages, print them out and pop hem through their letterbox when nobody is around.

Don’t understand what the issue is with the wife knowing?

@Cam77 unfortunately not. And it’s important for kids to have loads of followers so they will add anyone.

Most kids of 17 that I know are not posting half naked pics, but they are very suggestive as that is how everyone they see poses for photos.

Personally I wouldn't get involved. The wife could be fully aware of this and choosing to turn a blind eye, many women do. By making an issue of it you could just cause embarrassment for yourself and risk losing a friend. I would really just concentrate on your own affairs rather than anyone else's. Meant in the nicest possible way, these messages don't always translate well!!

Obviously not happily married then

That's pretty grimm for his wife. Are you sure she's unaware? If she has social media accounts then she may have seen for herself what he's been commenting.

Anyway, he's doing this publicly, you've seen it, you can comment.

You don't need to be a 'messenger', you just need to be a decent person yourself, for the sake of your own integrity.

GROSS! What a perv. I reckon the first thing I'd do is let him know you know what he's up to - comment on his posts as others have said (or just text him) saying something like: "Didn't have you down as a dirty old perv - do your wife and kids know what you're up to on Insta?!"

Refuse to see him and give him the cold shoulder next time bump into him - make it clear you don't keep sleazy creeps as friends. If your OH is friends with him, tell him too.

As for telling his wife.... probably best not to wade in there.

I'm not sure that men are OK

If you can see the comments then surely his wife can too? He's not exactly going out of his way to hide what he's doing so I wouldn't feel bad about mentioning to his partner that you're saw his comments on instagram. Either she already knows and doesn't want to deal with it or she'll be pleased to know. My main issue would be that his children could come across that (depending on how old they are) and that he's leering at 17 year olds on a public forum and whether that's the tip of the iceberg.

Why is everyone offended on behalf of Instagram stars who literally see and know about the comments. If they didnt like his comments, or they were that bad, they would have deleted them.

If you have seen his comments and they do get deleted, then report him to Instagram as a troll.

I personally would not interfere in their marriage by telling the wife unless she is also a friend of yours.

of course it is sleazy. But what else would anyone expect on an instagram feed, with the chest-out-fish-pout-staring-eyes-knickers-pulled-up-under-arms poses?

if they think it is going to be all 'gosh hun u r gawjus' they've got a lot to learn.

teach your daughters to value themselves for their brains, not their breasts.

How come you’ve noticed this and his wife hasn’t?

@74NewStreet
Yes, it’s a bit stalkerish! Personally I wouldn’t butt in on someone else’s marriage, even a good friend, unless perhaps an affair was going on. If you want to bring it up with him personally fair enough. At the end of the day he’s leaving some sleazy comments on some racy photos online (photos published for basically that very purpose). It’s unpleasant, but millions of men do it. If any of the people concerned are under age you should take it up with Instagram and make sure the husband is aware too.

I would reply to his comments with emojis. He’s acting like a teenager, speak his language. Let him know he’s been spotted.

😱🙊😭👰🤵☠️🤬 etc

It's disgusting pervy behaviour. She should be told, and should ditch him.

Tell him he’s a disgusting creep. She needs to know. I wouldn’t stay with a man that did that?

Well I'm personally upset on behalf of the instragram women because no woman should have to put up with a man saying something so sleezy and gross. No matter what the photo looks like or what she's wearing, she didn't ask for that. Could she just delete the comment? Sure. Should she have to? No. Men need to be brought up knowing that making these kinds of comments are not acceptable. If he wants to compliment then he can make an actual compliment.

I'm curious as to how you found these comments? I rarely read comments.

This is a couple we’ve been friends with for 20 years, their children are our god children it would cause my friend so much hurt, I don’t want to do that.

He was sending these messages on the day her dad lay dying in a hospital bed, Christmas Day and the day of her dad’s funeral.

It’s easy for strangers on the internet to say tell her but I don’t want to destroy their lives. I love their children. I know its him causing the damage but I don’t want to be involved in it.

I found the messages by just clicking on one of the women he was following, I fell down a rabbit hole. He’s messaging around 30 of them.