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Original poster

Just need to offload this-disgusted by friend’s behaviour

116 replies

Velveteal · 07/02/2020 08:22

Family friend, happily married, 2 children is commenting on lots of women’s Instagram pages. He’s in his 40’s and some of these are girls of 17. They’re insta famous models, fitness gurus that type of thing. Lots of ‘what I’d do to you’ ‘sexy body’ ‘you’re so hot’ type of comments.

It’s just so sleezy and I’m worried about his wife finding out. To see the comments you have to just click on the women he’s following so it’s not difficult!

That’s it really. Just really disappointed in him.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/02/2020 12:25

Why would would you be the one "destroying" their lives ? He is doing that, potentially.

Some friend, you are.

HowlsMovingBungalow · 07/02/2020 12:29

If you don't want strangers on the internet commenting, don't post on a internet forum. Quite simple isn't it?

Original poster
Velveteal · 07/02/2020 12:30

Oh fuck off anyfucker! Can’t you imagine the predicament I’m in!! I would be the person telling my lovely friend who is grieving for her dad that her husband is a dirty pervert!! I’m actually a very nice person and a good friend but this isn’t easy!! They’ve been married for 20 years, they have 2 teenagers one currently doing their GCSEs. Have a little compassion instead of throwing an insult.

OP posts:
Original poster
Velveteal · 07/02/2020 12:33

I haven’t said I don’t want stranger commenting I said it’s easy when you’re a stranger, when you don’t know the people, when you don’t love the family involved to simply say ‘tell the wife’.

I’m open to all comments, I’m reading them and taking them on board. Some people are just rude though and it’s unnecessary.

OP posts:
SouthernComforts · 07/02/2020 12:33

If he's not hiding it, why do you think she doesn't know? She could click on his following list same as you?

Original poster
Velveteal · 07/02/2020 12:34

Yeh she may well already know.

OP posts:
TheFastandTheCurious · 07/02/2020 12:37

So easy for people to say "tell him", I totally understand where you're coming from OP. I told a friend once that her husband was cheating on her, she wouldn't believe it and they are still together. He still cheats and she no longer talks to me, posting on FB constantly about their wonderful life.

Usernamealreadyexists · 07/02/2020 12:38

I really get why you would find it hard to tell her but I think you have an obligation now that you have knowledge of what a knob he is. If you are worried about her reaction or can’t face it, screenshot, print and post anonymously to her. I definitely wouldn’t let him know as he can cover his tracks easily. Keep a record of everything.
Also, how can you carry this knowledge when you see them acting normally. He’s making a fool of her.

Don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone tell @AnyFucker to fuck off...

Original poster
Velveteal · 07/02/2020 12:42

Thanks to those who have replied kindly and constructively. I’ll speak to DH about it tonight, this will have a huge impact on him too.

OP posts:
katewhinesalot · 07/02/2020 12:42

Wait till after their childs GCSE's if you think it might rock the boat because she's not already aware.

MrsAgassi · 07/02/2020 12:43

If my husband were doing this I would want to know. My friends know I would want to know.

I understand the difficulty in telling her but I think it is more unkind to keep it from her.

lottiegarbanzo · 07/02/2020 12:45

Just comment on his comment, so he knows you know.

Original poster
Velveteal · 07/02/2020 12:45

I’d want to know too.

OP posts:
BaolFan · 07/02/2020 12:49

Staying silent means that you are complicit.

If I were in her shoes and I found out about his messages and that you knew and kept quiet, then I'd cut you off without a second thought.

pinkyredrose · 07/02/2020 12:50

OP so you're also looking at young womens suggestive pics? Otherwise how would you have found his comments?

pinkyredrose · 07/02/2020 12:52

How on earth did you find his comments on 30 ish profiles?!

WizardOfAus · 07/02/2020 12:56

@pinkyredrose. The OP has already explained that. Read the thread.

AutumnRose1 · 07/02/2020 12:57

OP

she might already know.

sorry, this is awful. I wouldn't be friends with him any more.

maybe you could wait a while and then tell her. sorry, you're in a tough spot.

namechange1041 · 07/02/2020 13:05

See what your DH says tonight OP. He might have a better idea of what to do.
I understand you're in a predicament it must be hard.

FWIW, if I was his wife, I'd want to know.

pinkyredrose · 07/02/2020 13:05

12:56WizardOfAus she said she clicked on one profile (why?) She didn't say she clicked on 30 profiles.

AnyFucker · 07/02/2020 13:11

I've been told to fuck off lots of times Smile

loserssaywhat · 07/02/2020 13:20

I'd show his wife tbh. It's repulsive.

DuLANGMondeFOREVER · 07/02/2020 13:21

Up until a couple of months ago there was an Instagram feed function that showed you the ‘activity’ (ie likes, comments and follows) of the people you follow.
Now the ‘explore’ feed will show you things that people you follow liked.

Algorithms and location settings make it loads harder for people’s indiscreet behaviour to fly under the radar. One chance sighting of a comment leads to a few clicks and a pattern is established.

¯\(ツ)/¯

dontgobaconmyheart · 07/02/2020 13:25

The last thing I'd want at a difficult time is my DP betraying me so yes OP I'd want to bloody know who he is and not have the decision removed from me by friends. I'd not want to be with someone as disgusting as that or who kicked me when I was down. Hiding it isnt right and friends do what friends have to do, not plot ways to avoid it. Just do it sensitively, screenshot it, tell her you're sorry. No it isn't ideal and will affect everyones life- but that is life.

I wouldn't bloody be his 'friend' either after this, pathetic and utterly vulgar behaviour, the age of the girls is especially vile, he is a scumbag OP and I doubt it's a new thing for him.

Straycatstrut · 07/02/2020 13:47

He was sending these messages on the day her dad lay dying in a hospital bed, Christmas Day and the day of her dad’s funeral.

Christ. I'd invite her over for lunch and try and break it to her gently. I couldn't stand knowing without her knowing.

It's not fair to her to waste another day of her life with this man, especially after all she's going through. He also doesn't deserve her.

You have to be cruel to be kind sometimes. All you can do is be extremely supportive towards her afterwards in every way.

Also like a PP said, she may know already and be planning on leaving him or dealing with it later - if that's the case I think she'll be glad of the support from you.