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Original poster

Just need to offload this-disgusted by friend’s behaviour

116 replies

Velveteal · 07/02/2020 08:22

Family friend, happily married, 2 children is commenting on lots of women’s Instagram pages. He’s in his 40’s and some of these are girls of 17. They’re insta famous models, fitness gurus that type of thing. Lots of ‘what I’d do to you’ ‘sexy body’ ‘you’re so hot’ type of comments.

It’s just so sleezy and I’m worried about his wife finding out. To see the comments you have to just click on the women he’s following so it’s not difficult!

That’s it really. Just really disappointed in him.

OP posts:
AmICrazyorWhat2 · 07/02/2020 14:05

No real advice, but what a saddo. I'd lose all respect for my DH if I discovered he was doing that.

1forAll74 · 07/02/2020 14:05

Not your business really, there are hundreds of men doing secret stuff all over the place, everything is out there to tempt some of these iffy men. Not much you can do to stop them.

EerieSilence · 07/02/2020 14:17

He wouldn't be my friend for a long time afterwards.
Tell his wife.

Dumbie · 07/02/2020 14:18

Why do people write this stuff on Instagram posts? I really don’t understand. Do they hope their pervy comment will engage the receiver in some kind of conversation?

lottiegarbanzo · 07/02/2020 14:33

Why do men shout sleazy comments out of car windows, or from building sites? Same thing. Because they can, because they view women as sexual objects. Because they wish to communicate that they can do other, more physical things to them, whether wanted or not, and the woman cannot stop them. Power vs vulnerability. As ever.

lottiegarbanzo · 07/02/2020 14:41

Same with dick pics obvs.

It's all about asserting power and control. 'You look hot and you know it but don't get too big-headed, don't forget I could rape you, however ugly, stupid or old you might think I am.'

So, there is a certain psychological sense to be found in this man seeking to assert power and control online, in small sleazy ways, at a time when some important aspects of his and his family's life were beyond his control.

That and/or he's just a massive sleaze of course.

AcrossthePond55 · 07/02/2020 15:17

I agree with telling your DH. Then let HIM straighten this perv out! But I would have my DH tell him that I was thinking of telling his wife.

Yes, a woman can deal with this by talking to the man directly, but having another man tell him he's being a creeper will probably have more impact. A man who is a creeper/perv would justify himself by saying that the woman is 'jealous' of the girl's youth and/or beauty.

Snowfalling20 · 07/02/2020 16:15

having another man tell him he's being a creeper will probably have more impact. totally agree. This would be really powerful especially if it came from a respected Male.

Snowfalling20 · 07/02/2020 16:20

It’s easy for strangers on the internet to say tell her but I don’t want to destroy their lives. I love their children. I know its him causing the damage but I don’t want to be involved in it.

Well I’m that wife. I would have found a lot of gratitude for any woman who had told me about the creepy messages my Ex was sending. I only accidentally found out much too late.

It haunts me still that I may never have found out. I would have been very crushed as a person, as my ex was gaslighting me and I thought I was jealous or mad. I would have carried that with me forever.

Also if I’d found out sooner, as these things happen in increments, possibly me and Ex May have had a chance to resolve it, well Ex might have got help for this behaviour much sooner. He did get professional help but I think it was too late.

Original poster
Velveteal · 07/02/2020 16:26

What if she’s the kind of woman who’d rather not know? He has form for this. He was caught sexting a colleague about 5 years ago. She read him the riot act but they’re still together.

(Sorry for the drip feed)

OP posts:
Musmerian · 07/02/2020 16:29

Sleazy.

dayowl · 07/02/2020 16:29

I’d tell her personally, She deserves to know who she’s married to

loserssaywhat · 07/02/2020 16:41

She might know already. It's a difficult situation of course but i guess I can only see it from my own perspective and I would really want to know.

If you're seeing it there's a good chance other friends of theirs are too and it's humiliating.
There's really no easy way to bring something like that up though so I appreciate your dilemma on this one op.

AnyFucker · 07/02/2020 16:42

I’d want to know too

There is your answer. So he has form...no big surprise there. He could be on his last chance and still he is at it.

She deserves to know. The way I would do it is to send her screenshots with the proviso thst you have no expectation of what she will do with the info and that you will never raise the subject again.

WizardOfAus · 07/02/2020 16:47

What if she’s the kind of woman who’d rather not know? He has form for this. He was caught sexting a colleague about 5 years ago. She read him the riot act but they’re still together.

I would think he’s blown the final chance she’s given him. She deserves to know he hasn’t changed a bit in five years. Screen shot and post them anonymously if you have to.

NewInTown08 · 07/02/2020 16:52

Creep. I would keep out of it.

Yeahwhatevs · 07/02/2020 17:03

If he was sexting a colleague, he's not just perving over strangers. I doubt if he's restricting himself now.

thekaiserswife · 07/02/2020 17:43

I'd really hope if one of my friends discovered this about my DH they'd tell me, I wouldn't consider them a true friend if they didn't.

Honestyisalwaysthebestpolicy · 08/02/2020 17:23

I’m not being funny, but it would be bad enough to be making these comments to older women, but 17 year olds when he has teenage kids! I think you have to tell her if only to be 100% sure their kids and friends of are safe.

Harls1969 · 08/02/2020 17:44

Speak to him, tell him it's sleazy and ask him how his wife would feel if she knew. She might already know, or have suspicions. If you tell her, she might not react very positively towards you (she might be mortified and quite happy to live in ignorance), and arguably, it's not really anyone else's business. He's obviously going through some midlife crisis thing where he thinks that making lewd comments to women young enough to be his daughter is an ego boost. What a dick 🙄

MaggieMagpie357 · 08/02/2020 17:48

What a horrible situation. I would call him out on it to his face. Tell him what a sleaze he’s being, and he needs to stop or you’ll have to tell his wife.

Jadey16 · 08/02/2020 17:52

I would be fuming if my husband was doing this and my friend knew but didn’t tell me...I would just send her a screenshot and say are you aware of this?

GeorgiaLove · 08/02/2020 17:54

As far as I can see, it's none of your business. At all. You're making a rod for your own back. I'd stay away; indeed, I would never get into such a situation in the first place. Sounds like poking around in other peoples' business is how you got there. Leave well alone.

OverByYer · 08/02/2020 17:58

I wouldn’t tell her. She probably knows.
Next time he posts I’d comment something like ‘ hey X , she’s underage you dirty perv’ and leave it at that

oliviabee · 08/02/2020 18:04

What about sending him some of the screenshots in a private message and telling him you’re worried he’s been hacked as the comments are inappropriate? He’ll then know that you’ve seen them and what you think. It’s a way to call him out on the bad behaviour and still maintain your relationship with the family as you can also mention it to your friend but not get involved - they can save face with the hacking excuse but deal with it between themselves. That’s what I’d do as I’m not great with confrontation.