Baby in restaurant etiquette.

[YicketyYackMamasBack]

Me and DP would like to go out for a meal for Valentine’s Day, and we would like to take DD.
We haven’t been out for food with her yet as I had a c section and she is only 5 weeks old at the moment. But we have been for short walks, trips round shops and into costa for a coffee.

She’s very content, not very fussy at all.. although that could well change in the next couple of weeks. Hopefully she’s still like this for Valentine’s Day as it would be really nice to take her out but I wouldn’t want to burden anyone else’s meal with a screaming baby.

My main concern is how we actually take her? I’ll double check with wherever we book they allow children and explain we have a newborn.
But do we take the whole pram in, and just leave her in the pram to sleep, or do we just take the car seat in and put her on a chair in the car seat?

I’m a first time mum and I’m terrified of looking like an idiot, so any advice would be much appreciated 🙈

Welcome to parenthood, where your choices are often a) dreadful family-friendly place that sucks all the joy out of eating out anyway, 2) going on a day other than the actual special occasion because everyone else in the restaurant has hired baby sitters that evening to treat themselves to a rare night out childfree, or c) finding that your otherwise lovely child immediately starts inexplicably screaming the minute your mains arrive, requiring you to leave immediately having paid for a meal you never get to eat.

Sympathies, it can suck. But it isn’t forever, and you adapt to doing either child-centric things or getting childcare for adult-centric ones like this for a while.

I find it weird that people see it as a adult only holiday.

I find it weird that people don't.

On any other day of the year I'd take a baby into a child friendly restaurant, but not on Valentines Day. People go out to have a bit of adult time without thinking of kids.

Valentines Day is on a Friday so why can't you go out on the Saturday?

I dont think people are offended, but I do think that since it's your first time out in ages, you should relax and enjoy it at your own pace rather than be restricted time, space and menu wise.

Congratulations on your new baby.

Genuinely am baffled people would be so offended by a baby though. What a world to live in, how sad.

Don’t be so silly. It’s nothing to do with “being offended”; it’s the fact that not everything is child-friendly, and that’s okay. Valentine’s Day is included in that category.

Any time on Valentine’s Day would be inappropriate for your baby, whether you think it’s early enough in the day or not.

Either celebrate at home or choose a night not specifically for adults in romantic relationships.

I don't think many people would be offended, but I do think going out on a busy evening would be an unnecessary stress for you.

Eating out with little babies is great - I understand that feeling of being cooped up and desperate for a treat and a change of scenery.

We loved going out to fairly quiet pubs/restaurants at lunchtime - busy places are a nightmare to navigate with a pram etc and both of my babies have gone from little happy angels to bonkers howling monsters at about 6.30 (perhaps that's just mine though) - so the thought of taking a newborn out on valentines evening fills me with cold dread.

I did also find that one of the benefits of becoming a parent was giving up on Valentine's Day altogether though, so perhaps I shouldn't be giving advice. I hope you have a great time whatever you decide to do.

Its not about being offended by a baby. Don't be so precious.

Valentine's Day is when couples go out to celebrate their love. If they're parents, they'll have arranged childcare. I don't ever go out on VD as I find it cheesy as hell but if I had arranged a Valentines meal out with DH and we'd got childcare (which we would have!) then I wouldn't be particularly impressed to find someone else's child there no matter how cute and small they are! Something you'll come to realise as your child ages is just how precious those few hours are where you and your DH get to be on your own. Don't ruin it for other people.

I had a cs too and get that it's a pain in the arse being stuck in for weeks on end. But you can easily do a lunch, or a meal on a different night with your baby without disrupting/disturbing other people's special evening. When you have small children you can't always just do whatever you want to do.

If the place is child friendly and there are highchairs etc then nobody can complain really. I think toddlers cause a lot more disruption than newborns. I wouldn't take my 3.5 year old now because boy can he have meltdowns at the moment!

If your baby does get into an absolute state (been there in the middle of a shopping centre with 10 week old, got some lovely gawps) and you've just got the food, then one of you take DD to the car/pushchair and the other ask if you can have possibly have it boxed up.

Not all restaurants can accommodate a pram at the table so it's worth checking. Family type places/pubs/coffee shops are usually ok but more expensive it's worth booking. I took dd from birth (well 3 days old was her first trip to a coffee shop) never had problems, sometimes though I used a carrier

Genuinely am baffled people would be so offended by a baby though. What a world to live in, how sad.

Now stop deliberately misunderstanding. People aren’t offended by a baby. They just think that VD is not the time to eat out with a baby when everyone else will have left their children at home for some adult time, it being Valentine’s Day and all.

Nobody is offended by newborns!

What we're saying is, eating out with babies can be stressful and it can feel like all eyes are on you (even when they're really aren't) and so picking a less 'special' night would make it easier on everyone.

I don't care about the day itself, but if I did, and I was seated next to a couple with a crying baby, squashed in left to a pram, etc, I wouldn't feel able to switch off in the same way.

I would be seriously unimpressed if I was out for a nice romantic meal with my husband and someone brought their baby out to the same pub Well then you need to book out the whole place.
If the restaurant/pub is child friendly then you should expect children.

At what age is it ok then? Babies are generally quieter than toddlers or older children running round screaming.

I'm with you op, I wouldn't book a high end fancy restaurant out of courtesy, but anything else is fine and if baby starts fussing, you should go for a walk outside to settle her.

Honestly - Pub fine
Restaurant probably not though

It's not a blanket rule is it? It's about the appropriateness of the event. Given that half the people there will have paid for a babysitter so they could enjoy some grown up time...

I’m not offended by babies - I have one. I would however be extremely annoyed if I arranged someone to look after my child so my husband and I could go out just the two of us for a child free night on the one night of the year designed for couples and we were crammed in within 2ft if someone else’s squalling baby.

Lunch might be better and quieter. Congratulations on your new baby

Yeah I don't think I'd do this for Valentine's Day. And my DD was a very placid newborn! Just pick another evening in a family friendly place like a pub or something?

And yes, it's a culture shock having a young baby, but they aren't this tiny for long. The way I looked at it was that I'd had about 15 years of eating out and doing what I wanted, so a few months of not doing that wasn't exactly a massive sacrifice.

Go early, take the pram (car seats have a time limit on use, a lie-flat pram is far better, if you can get your baby to relax in it!) I think the local pub would be fine, a higher-end restaurant less so. Not everyone celebrates Valentine's day anyway, so presumably some people with kids will be out and about.

We usually just put the baby in a sling and walk to the restaurant. By the time we arrive she'll be sleeping and will sleep through the whole meal. No extra space is then required.

The only downside is it is a bit harder to eat.

I guess if you are driving the plan would need some refining.

For toddlers we have one of those portable things that can be attached to a chair to, er, tie them down when there is no high chair.

OP, surely you realise that Valentines Day is a ROMANTIC event. It is about romance, not big family nights out. Your family may have seen it as a family event but you are the unusual one here. It is a night for lovers .

A seven week old baby shouldn’t be in a car seat for more than two hours so I would take the whole pram in. You’ll likely find she spends a large part of your time attached to you anyway.

From a personal point of view, I would find going out at lunchtime much more relaxing and enjoyable. It won’t be so busy and you don’t need to worry that other dinners will complain if your baby is fussy. Is that a possibility for you?

Just ask the restaurant. They will have an idea of their clientele. We brought ds with us on valentines when he was a baby, and the restaurant were very welcoming, but only for the earliest sitting which suited us fine. He wasn’t the only one there. If they’d said no, we wouldn’t have pushed it.

I’m sure all the other couples trying to romantic will really appreciate someone having a baby there🥴. I wouldn’t even think about doing this, especially on Valentine’s Day. My husband and I don’t do anything for Valentine’s Day as we prefer to celebrate our anniversary but I know most couples do think it’s important.

Yes to meal out with a baby, we took ours to a high end (Michelin starred!!) place in London for our anniversary when she was 5 months old. The plan was for her to sleep in the sling, she didn’t, she was awake the whole time but the waiting staff and other diners loved her. Babes in arms completely different to mad toddlers. If she had cried I would have just stuck her on the boob, no problem.

However I agree with PPs that Valentine’s Day not the best night for your first night out with baby. Couples crammed in, less space, stressed staff, reduced menu at inflated prices.... eurgh. I’ve sworn never to go out on Valentine’s again. With or without baby! Just go the day before or after and have a lovely time 😊

In the USA valentines is very much not just for adults, it is normal for kids to share sweets with all their classmates and parents can give dc gifts.
But in the UK it is a much more adult sexualized occasion.
I took my dc out and about from a very early age and did get some eye rolling when arriving at places, sometimes followed by apologies when people left.
But I found early evening was a bad time for dc and I wouldn't take a pram out on UK valentines night.

I’m going to a nice gastro pub with 9 week old DS for VD: we were asked to put him in a car seat on a chair to meet fire safety regulations. But this is a tiny place.