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Original poster

I can't stop getting tearful, why are people so cruel?

114 replies

Refreshed · 03/02/2020 14:35

Standing in the kiosk queue in Asda yesterday. There were no trolleys (usually always is), so I was caught off guard as DS had no shoes on. I had a few bits to get. Store was closing within the hour. I carried DS around and had a basket. It was a heavy nightmare.

Paid at self service then needed to grab a drink so paid for it at the kiosk. There was one woman in front of me and the man on the till had to add change as they'd obviously run low. This man serving very obviously had some sort of issue, such as OCD. He had this thing where he had to put two coins in, tap the side then add more. He kept on doing this, clearly looking extrenely stressed, for at least 3/4 minutes.

The blokes being me started saying '' Hurry the fuck up! '' and '' what's he doing?! Fuck sake'' along with other stuff.

I was so cross I said to them to bloody well go and pay for their papers elsewhere if they have no patience, the shop won't shuck us out even if it turns to 40pm.

They said' 'we just want to get out of here ffs'

Anyway I finally got served and he said to me, very tearfully, thank you for that.

I couldn't even answer properly other than a smile. I rushed to my car, strapped DS in and sobbed my heart out.

Everytime I think of what happened, my heart sinks. And I start getting emotional.

Why are people so so cruel?

OP posts:
Littleindiangirl · 03/02/2020 19:20

Your child had no shoes on......

Shadyshadow · 03/02/2020 19:26

The world is a cruel place at times. Good for you speaking up..

What if the man had a mental health issue, or autisim or a sick wife/child in the hospital he wanted get back to. Or one of the other million reasons he could have been in a rush for?

What if he went to his car and cried his eyes out because it was all just too much?

QueSera · 03/02/2020 19:32

Why did your child have no shoes on?!

Straycatstrut · 03/02/2020 19:35

This reminds me of when I was sobbing in a carpark - I made a right ridiculous, hysterical scene and my mum fell out with me over it, she was SO embarrassed. I found out I was pregnant the next day, I was like "Ah..." Grin

All my life I have struggled hugely with my mental health, and even though I'm a single mum and have 5 zillion jobs to do all day every day, I'd have sympathised with this man. If he'd had one arm, or visible burns all over himself you can bet no one would have commented. A lot of people (unless it's actually them) don't think mental health is real - and this guy can easily just "snap out of it" and "stop it". I don't think that'll change any time soon either.

OhDeez · 03/02/2020 19:39

He wasn't fit for the task in hand, so shouldn't have been put in the position of doing it. I'd have lost patience too. My current pet hate is the lottery ticket people. So they buy whatever they buy in the shop, then they ask for a few lottery tickets. THEN dfookers take out a stash of lottery tickets to have them checked. I huff and I puff a lot when I see the gamblers in front of me. At a push, I might mutter under my breath, but someone taking 4 minutes to put a few coins in a till might well have driven me over the edge.

ClappyFlappy · 03/02/2020 19:41

The people were arses but you are completely overreacting.

PlanDeRaccordement · 03/02/2020 19:41

SHady

can only address the poor behaviour that actually happens.
Can play “what if” all day long to fake justify anything, even the worst horrors if you like....as in

What if the streatham stabber was having a PTSD flashback and didn’t realise he was killing two innocents....

What if Boris Johnson has Tourette’s and didn’t know he was promising £350m/ wk for the NHS?

What if the Iranian who shot down that plane had cerebral palsy and it was a muscle spasm that caused him to launch that surface to air missile.

What if Trump is a lizard headed alien?

What if.....your turn shady go ahead and just tell me how no one is ever responsible for their actions because what if they.....

yellowallpaper · 03/02/2020 19:45

that was just awful. well done OP for standing up for bullies.

yellowallpaper · 03/02/2020 19:46

I meant standing up to bullies! Blush

9ofpentangles · 03/02/2020 19:48

I can see both sides. I have a couple of family members with ocd and living with it can be a challenge - especially if you have things to do or places to be - so I can see why people would get impatient in this scenario. There is no reason to swear, though.

I work in a supermarket and, unfortunately, a small minority are arseholes and they do seem to come out at the weekends. I don't believe the majority of them have mental health issues.

There is still an unacceptable lack of respect for retail workers unfortunately and they would think twice about it if we were to come to their eork and behaved the same.

9ofpentangles · 03/02/2020 19:50

Work not eork!

JosefKeller · 03/02/2020 19:50

How are you with chapels op?

Grin Star
whataboutbob · 03/02/2020 19:54

@TwoZeroTwoZero on 1st page hits the nail on the head. The technology is allowing us to go ever faster and get our little dopamine hits as we go along, then when something slows down the process it’s perceived as a big inconvenience. That is getting translated in the transactional way people interact with each other. It’s good to slow down sometimes and remember we are not machines. Good on ASDA for employing someone with a disability.

BennytheBall · 03/02/2020 19:55

Blimey, get over it and stop crying.

Lots of people are twats.

mnthrowaway202020 · 03/02/2020 19:56

It’s basic retail etiquette to call for till support if you’re preoccupied and have a queue building. So he definitely should have called for another staff member to serve the other customers (or to fill the till up instead) in the interests of good customer service.

However that doesn’t excuse the rudeness. I couldn’t imagine having a condition like OCD then having random people “call you out” or belittle you over it like this. Nasty.

Having said that though, I think you started sobbing because you’re feeling emotional. The entire first paragraph isn’t really relevant to the situation but it paints a picture of your stressed mindset

Cherrysoup · 03/02/2020 20:00

If someone is unable to serve customers quickly, then another task should be assigned

I agree. I don’t think it’s horrible to say this. I was astonished at the cashier in Asda yesterday chatting to the customer, pausing whilst scanning items (totally stopped a few times) when the conveyor belt was rammed with my stuff and another customer’s during an obviously very busy time. At another supermarket, a cashier with what looked like severe arthritis was very slow to scan. I think it’s fair enough to be impatient and even become frustrated.

If the cashier had OCD (big if, I tend not to diagnose people I see in supermarkets), then he shouldn’t be made to go through putting change into the till or anything else that causes him distress. It’s unfair on him and the customers.

I’m not sure why you were sobbing, OP? Hope you’re ok.

ExtraFox18 · 03/02/2020 20:03

That was so good of you to support him like that. Well done.

WhatsTheLatest · 03/02/2020 20:09

3/4 mins is a long time when you are just stood there waiting. But surely they could see as much as you could that something wasnt quite right. Good for you for saying something.

FenellaMaxwell · 03/02/2020 20:10

Perhaps you’d do better to focus your energy on things like making sure your child has shoes on for leaving the house as opposed to sobbing your heart out over non-events with complete strangers...?

ShirleyPhallus · 03/02/2020 20:11

At another supermarket, a cashier with what looked like severe arthritis was very slow to scan. I think it’s fair enough to be impatient and even become frustrated.

No it’s not. It’s never ok to be a dick. These people get paid minimum wage and have to deal with arsehole customers. Just have a bit of patience and assess which looks like the quickest till in advance or go to the scan and pack yourself or do an online shop if it’s really such a huge deal

theflushedzebra · 03/02/2020 20:14

OP, I assume as you're carrying around a child with no shoes, your child is very little. I was like you. When my DC were v little, I was very sensitive to everything - wanted my young child to grow up in a world where this horrible stuff, and these horrible people just didn't exist. A lot of stuff would get to me. It's part of your maternal instinct - you may have subconsciously seen your child in the position of that young cashier in the future, and feel protective, or your maternal/protective feelings just came out in sympathy for a young vulnerable person.

Some people are rude and insensitive, and you're a nice person. Good for you for saying something too - you made that cashier's day better.

everythingisginandroses · 03/02/2020 20:14

Some proper bitchy comments on this thread Hmm

WhatsTheLatest · 03/02/2020 20:20

Yes there is @everythingisginandroses makes me sad for people like my ds and others with SEN who I know would panic in that situation with people making nasty comments Angry

GlummyMcGlummerson · 03/02/2020 20:20

Yes it wasn't especially nice but I'd have been very annoyed too. 3/4 minutes is far too long to wait.

I also think sobbing in your car is a massive over reaction, sorry

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 03/02/2020 20:29

Some situations can have a surprising effect on us. For OP it was watching this person struggle tonight and seeing him being treated so unkindly.

It doesn't make her oversensitive.

And I'm sure her DS will be perfectly fine. Parents cry too sometimes.

I hope you are alright now, OP. That person clearly appreciated you sticking up for them.