I can't stop getting tearful, why are people so cruel?

[Refreshed]

Standing in the kiosk queue in Asda yesterday. There were no trolleys (usually always is), so I was caught off guard as DS had no shoes on. I had a few bits to get. Store was closing within the hour. I carried DS around and had a basket. It was a heavy nightmare.

Paid at self service then needed to grab a drink so paid for it at the kiosk. There was one woman in front of me and the man on the till had to add change as they'd obviously run low. This man serving very obviously had some sort of issue, such as OCD. He had this thing where he had to put two coins in, tap the side then add more. He kept on doing this, clearly looking extrenely stressed, for at least 3/4 minutes.

The blokes being me started saying '' Hurry the fuck up! '' and '' what's he doing?! Fuck sake'' along with other stuff.

I was so cross I said to them to bloody well go and pay for their papers elsewhere if they have no patience, the shop won't shuck us out even if it turns to 40pm.

They said' 'we just want to get out of here ffs'

Anyway I finally got served and he said to me, very tearfully, thank you for that.

I couldn't even answer properly other than a smile. I rushed to my car, strapped DS in and sobbed my heart out.

Everytime I think of what happened, my heart sinks. And I start getting emotional.

Why are people so so cruel?

Yes it would annoy me too. People are busy and lead hectic lives. All it is to them is someone holding up the queue.
However that said. Under no circumstances whatsoever does it warrant abuse and
I’m sure there were other tills that they could have gone to.

To be honest I would be annoyed if it took someone 4 minutes to refill the till (usually takes about 30 seconds, if that). Obviously he was wrong to swear at the man but really they should have got someone else to do that task as a very long queue could build up in that time.

Our local supermarket gives people from the local hostel jobs and runs a programme to get people with learning disabilities back in to work. It’s great but if you didn’t know it existed it can sometimes seem chaotic and takes a long time to get served.

Not sure the relevance of your child having no shoes on....?!

Op, the thing is uou felt his issues were acceptable but the men behind you, their issues were not? Both sets of men had a negative impact on the other, both may have had mental health issues, stress, anger, these are not benign.

So you made an assumption, that one man was ill, and the other men were just cruel. When you know nothing about them, their lives, or why they reacted as they did.

For me, both sides had issues, try not to judge in future and then attack, because that is in itself is also not ok.

None of you behaved well. The man doing his thing. The men behind who got frustrated and told him to hurry up, and you who in turn attacked the men behind you.

The kinder way to deal with it in future is to say "the tills over there may be quicker" and be supportive. Attacking the men does not make you better than them.

A bit of an overreaction on your part, OP. There's plenty to sob at in this world, I grant you, but a random man impatiently saying 'Fot fuck's sake'... I take it you don't watch the news?

Two things I don't understand here.

What has the story got to do with the lack of trolleys and your child being shoe less?

How did your child react to you 'sobbing your heart out' in the car, right in front of him?

I’d hardly call it the ‘doing his thing’.
He’s clearly ill. It’s not a choice.

What has the story got to do with the lack of trolleys and your child being shoe less?

Worra, I think OP was trying to demonstrate that she was really struggling and needing to get back to the car because she was carrying the child and the shopping, yet still didn't snap at the slow cashier IYSWIM?

How are you with chapels op?

I sympathise with both sides - uts not nixe to feel flustered doing a task in front of an audience but the man behind might been in the verge of a stress episode too. Perhaps he'd promised someone that he would be only 30 minutes, they're at home waiting, and then this happened just as he wanted to pay and go.

Tbh I think the actual shop is at fault here by putting an employee in the position that showed his OCD to the public.

BecauseReasons ahh that makes more sense.

Still, it must've been quite scary for her child to be rushed to the car and then sit there witnessing him mum sobbing her heart out.

Unless perhaps he's used to it.

Chapels.

3 or 4 minutes is nothing.
It might not be to a lot of people,but when you have osteo and rheumatoid arthritis in multiple joints,and fibromyalgia,standing in a queue and waiting while someone faffs about can be awful.
I do my utmost to avoid shops at their busiest times nowadays,as standing in queues is so painful. But I still often manage to be behind someone who insists on paying for their shopping in small change.

@Shoxfordian

Still, it must've been quite scary for her child to be rushed to the car and then sit there witnessing him mum sobbing her heart out.

I imagine so, yes. Poor little chap.

@Refreshed I understand. The majority of people are selfish and rude. You're not oversensitive in my opinion, I've read loads of times the empathetic ones are ones who've experienced the most negativity as a result of people's actions and words.
I'm not sure why people are like it though. I think it's environmental. The strongest don't stoop to the majoritys standards even when knocked several times.

@Shoxfordian 🤣

How are you with chapels op?

I used to work in asda HR (or people team, as they called it) until recently.

OP, that man has been let down by his store manager. There are suitable roles in store for people who have OCD and other disorders. Being on a till is not one of them

For customers AND for their own sake. Asda new plan is to target shoppers who want to be in and out of store, quickly. They do well out of customers doing big shops, not well out of people wanting few bits.

Queue times are monitored. It is not good for this man to be on the tills as they are setting him to fail, performance wise, and going against their own business plan.

The customer you had a go at may very well have his own issues, autisim etc.

I have aspergers as does my son and sometimes being in a store for an extra couple of minutes can be the difference between my son having a meltdown and not. Or me feeling overwhelmed for the rest of the day. It's hard to predict and entirely depends on what happened during the rest of the shopping trip.

Whilst, it's great that you stood up for the man on the till, you have no idea what issues the other man had or why he was rushing. There could be a millionaire reasons other than he just wanted to rush for rushing sake.

I would echo pps that ask how you are feeling in general. Being this upset, seems like an over reaction.

@shoxfordian no snapping and farting here!

It explains why there’s so many arsehole drivers on the road too, they can’t possibly wait around for an extra few seconds or minutes- heaven forbid.

I was approaching a roundabout- 2 lane and a funeral cortege came from the right. I stopped to let them go by as did the other car. They were going very slowly. In the middle of them crossing the roundabout a car approached from the other side and pushed through the middle. Then people started beeping behind us. I held fast , it was 2 minutes in total.

It was horrific.

Ahhh give over

I think you need to build some resilience. Yes people can be very mean. Unfortunately if you take on everyone’s nastiness you’re going to make yourself ill. It seems very wrong for the supermarket to have put someone with those issues on a customer facing role because it’s obviously making him very stressed, the poor chap.

I agree with you op. The world is a cruel place at times. Good for you speaking up.