Things my MIL sees as a sign of 'good character'

[RickSanchez]

Knowing how to get somewhere. I'm not just talking roughly how to get from A to B, but needing to know ALL the roads between and all the local areas, service station stops, landmarks, and knowledge. Not for her the use of the Sat Nav. She could read a map all day. People who don't innately 'know' the 'correct' journey to follow are Flibberty Gibbetts of the highest order. As are people who travel somewhere and don't constantly watch the roads and signs to help them understand exactly where they are at any given time.

Not sitting down during the day. There is ALWAYS something to do and you better believe that if you're NOT doing it then you bloody should be! The only exception to this is if you have 'a programme' in the evening. In which case you are permitted to briefly alight on a chair and watch it but only if it's a programme you have expressed prior interest in. Channel surfing in the hope of finding something to watch is definitely Not On.

Not using things that are designed for comfort or convenience. You may own a dishwasher for example, but you should never have occasion to use it. Surely that is evidence that you are slacking off and not Keeping Busy (see point 2). Equally, you may own a tumble drier that you have had since the 50s but why would you need to use it when you can hang your washing out in minus four temperatures and bring it in to air in the afternoon? Anything else would be Very Slack Indeed "there's only Margaret over the back who pegs out, everyone else simply can't be bothered!"

*disclaimer- this is lighthearted. My MIL is a good sort at heart but we are very, very different. I, sadly am not of 'good character'

My grandmother, who was born around 1907, used to be very sniffy about the fact that one of her neighbours at the back used to peg out washing on a Sunday.

Along with pointing out that your heating's on, my MIL used to arrive, for a planned visit, eg for Sunday lunch, and tell me loudly that my upstairs windows were open.

I never knew what the 'correct' answer to that was!

My MIL loved doing housework. We are like chalk and cheese I'm more like my own DM

pegging washing out on a sunday is a sin! and as for leaving it out overnight.........

My dm hasn't quite got the degree in this but she has done her a- levels in it and about to embark on the uni course for it 🤣🤣🤣

I like her.
Me too. I think I need to be more like her. I’m honestly the laziest person when I’m not actually at work. I think my life might look more like I want it to, if I adopted some of these.
Also, not sitting down, not eating dessert, not turning the heating on, foregoing your chocolate squares if you shared a kitkat that day, etc. all could add up to a slimmer me 🤔

Things that are good character according to my MIL

No daytime tv
No staying in all day
Not watching itv because it's common (but Emmerdale and Corrie are ok)
Never, ever using mugs
Not eating in the lounge, theses dining room free houses are simply appalling
Only ever voting for her favoured party
Not drinking anything like whisky or beer if you are a lady
Being a lady not a woman

Saving every scrap of leftover food to put in the freezer.

Some of these things ring very true, but in my family and among my friends' parents, it's pretty much a whole generation out ! These habits are those of my long departed grandparents, not my mother (now 76).

Although I do agree about the aversion to heating. When I moved out, I realised it isn't ridiculously extravagant to have a comfortably heated house. You got dressed under the duvet in winter when I was a child, it was so cold; our gas bills must have been tiny!

We do all sit down to much though...

I was lucky in that my dm (now in her 80s) always had the centrally heated house warm as she grew up with no heating in her bedroom as a child. She was quite messy, happy to use a dishwasher, washing machine and tumble dryer from before I was born. Happy to watch Mavis Nicholson et al, when not at work, on daytime tv. But, because her mother was a total neat freak, she* was/is perpetually* guilty.

I've elected to be like my dm not my dgm. I just don't feel guilty about it!

Messed up bold font there

My grandmother always used to refer to her acquaintances as "poor old Mrs x", or "poor old Mr y", if they were unable to manage a 6 hour shoppng expedition carrying all the bags from shop to shop... they were often 10 or more years younger than her. At 90 she would run rings round me in my teens.

When I moved out, I realised it isn't ridiculously extravagant to have a comfortably heated house.

Sadly it's increasingly the case for a lot of families. I'm dreading my next gas bill as I've had the heating on for about two-four hours every day.

This is making me a bit sad, my Mum was busy with a nice clean house. She would never say we didn't maintain her standards and she was proud we had good jobs but she must have noticed the mess.

My MIL is always up to something but knows the joy of having a dishwasher and thinks life is too short to not have fun.

Sounds like my FIL. He insisted on giving us step by step instructions to drive somewhere recently and we kept saying 'we will just stick the address in the sat nav. He wouldn't listen. Also why do some people think you care what they feel is a sign of good character or not. It's a really egocentric attitude that their opinion is somehow the only opinion that matters. As I get older I get less tolerant of self opinionated knobs. Sorry but she sounds like a dick!

Then I told them that dh slags me about the fact I turn the map in the direction I'm heading, rather than keeping it north up

I do this too. Someone at work thought it was hilarious, I replied that so long as you get to where you need to go, does it matter which way round you hold the map?

I love it that mil and dm are both obviously totally over catering. They love not doing it. DMs job on Christmas Day was the bread sauce. Just before we ate she pulled out a packet of ready mix handed to dh with “there you go” . They’ve served their time!

@Biarritzcrackers, it's a relief to see that you think this is at least a generation out. I'm 71 and have happily missed out on pretty much all of these quaint attitudes.

Ye gods the map think, drove DH and MIL the other day. Car has perfectly acceptable satnav he had is phone out looking at maps she had two paper maps and her phone out looking at maps. I had to pull the car over eyeball the pair them and say the next one who spoke over the satnav would be left in a lay-by. Hideous.

My DM was a child (and teenager) during the war. It hugely coloured her vision of what was 'acceptable' - she would 'have a bath' in half an inch of water, kneel in it and splash herself over. She just could NOT have a deep bath. Also getting up at the crack of dawn and not drawing the curtains until dark, because very scrap of daylight had to be made use of, and then HAVING to draw the curtains before any lights were turned on - blackout regulations, you see.

So although she made me very impatient, I understood these things to a certain extent. Anyone who didn't follow them wasn't helping the War Effort...

But hell I enjoy a wallow in the bath, lights on during the day and not having to know exactly what's for dinner every single day of the week! But I am, clearly, a slattern.

My MIL is 90 now and has learnt the art of sitting although she hates it and would rather be up and 'doing things'. Its quite sad really.

She also has a rigid food and drink routine and is horrified at any suggestions of veering away from it apart from on select people's Birthdays when she will accept a slightly later evening meal.

She has EXACTLY the same breakfast and lunch every day. Coffee at 10.30 and a cup of tea at 3. It is my great pleasure in life to ask her at an odd time if she would like coffee and she just looks at me as if I have two heads and says, no I had one at 10.30.

She also never eats anything she would consider a 'treat'. When we have taken her out for coffee (at 10.30) and offer her cake, she says 'no, I mustn't'. She weighs about as much as a sparrow and is 90 ffs. I don't think a bit of cake is going to send her into obesity!

Sounds like a very uptight life to lead. Quite sad really. I think it's a shame when people stick to such rigid "rules" they have made for themselves, based on what they belive others will think of them. Life is just too short.

It surprises me that so many elderly people stick to the rules they had to follow during the war. They were so young, and have had so many years to relax about those rules. It's a shame. Possibly a form of ptsd?

What does she do if she's ill?

@SeaViewBliss
My DPs 92 yr old grandpa is the same, eats at the same time every day, supper at 7.45pm, if you go in at 7.30 and suggest a cuppa he shakes his head in disgust. Very very rigid in his eating, no potatoes as starch is bad for him!!
Regards the level of what makes you decent, my gran raised her family in post war Glasgow in tenements until
they moved to a house and when you don’t have much you take pride in what you do have, she kept her home spotless, clean windows/curtains, clean scrubbed doorstep, washing hung out properly and brought in by 4pm; before dinner, clean well turned out kids, if you didn’t you were a lazy sloven.
I can see this point of view and understand it, often on MN ppl seem to try to outdo each other on how lazy, messy they are; no pride in that 😉😉

Not MIL in our case, but FIL didn't think it was a 'proper' dinner if it didn't include potatoes in some form. He'd come to ours and happily eat curry as long as we gave him mash instead of rice with it

He'd hardly ever call a qualified tradesman to fix a problem in the house (with the exception of electricians, he trusted those) and was a firm believer in 'tinkering' to fix any household object or appliance...never mind if the washing machine was put back together with 6 screws left on the counter that had been inside originally, it was fine! He laid new tiles in front of the fireplace at home, very meticulous, then stood up, pressed his foot on the edge, it snapped off and he very calmly went "yes I knew that would happen" and merrily superglued it back down! Anything broken had merely 'pinged'.