Things my MIL sees as a sign of 'good character'

[RickSanchez]

Knowing how to get somewhere. I'm not just talking roughly how to get from A to B, but needing to know ALL the roads between and all the local areas, service station stops, landmarks, and knowledge. Not for her the use of the Sat Nav. She could read a map all day. People who don't innately 'know' the 'correct' journey to follow are Flibberty Gibbetts of the highest order. As are people who travel somewhere and don't constantly watch the roads and signs to help them understand exactly where they are at any given time.

Not sitting down during the day. There is ALWAYS something to do and you better believe that if you're NOT doing it then you bloody should be! The only exception to this is if you have 'a programme' in the evening. In which case you are permitted to briefly alight on a chair and watch it but only if it's a programme you have expressed prior interest in. Channel surfing in the hope of finding something to watch is definitely Not On.

Not using things that are designed for comfort or convenience. You may own a dishwasher for example, but you should never have occasion to use it. Surely that is evidence that you are slacking off and not Keeping Busy (see point 2). Equally, you may own a tumble drier that you have had since the 50s but why would you need to use it when you can hang your washing out in minus four temperatures and bring it in to air in the afternoon? Anything else would be Very Slack Indeed "there's only Margaret over the back who pegs out, everyone else simply can't be bothered!"

*disclaimer- this is lighthearted. My MIL is a good sort at heart but we are very, very different. I, sadly am not of 'good character'

Dh also has an obsession with hanging clothes on the line. He will quite happily put them in the line for a few hours and then dry them on rads afterwards. Unless I'm fairly certain they will dry fully and I won't need to air them, or put them on rads when they come in, I'm not interested.

I'm not keen on eating in the street. We were told at school not to and it has stuck with me.

My friends dm was horrified if people ate in the street,

I think it would be good for the state of the streets if they didn’t—all the rubbish😒

@FadedRed - doesn't have to be old or female. I related stories about dh, and dh's siblings, uncle, and cousins.

My lovely mum is now 87 and just about allows herself a sit down and a bit of telly during the day now - but only if she's knitting or doing something else constructive at the same time.

Idleness is absolutely not an option - I'm definitely a disappointment on that front.

My mum is not that much younger and takes great pleasure in her use of a dishwasher and a tumble drier. And uses the free time to lounge about reading novels during the day (but only when not working). Perhaps your views on modern conveniences and lounging about are rather different when you have pretty much always worked full time?

Anyone who doesn't do the exact thing that my DM would do in that situation is irredeemable. Except you have no idea what that could be, but her quiet disapproval will be burning if you make a different decision to her. Our family is RIGHT (ie her and her brothers and selected partners), every one else (including me but not my brother) is WRONG. Also people who wear clothes or decorate with items that don't match. She turned a funny shade of grey when she called around once evening and my son was in a non-matching pj top and bottoms. She never says a word, but I can see her glancing uncomfortably at my non matching cushions 😂 She's really quite lovely, but my god we are so different it's unreal.

Actually came on here to say your MIL sounds a lot like my DP (a male in his 50s @FadedRed ).

My DP also likes to buy new stuff, eg an armchair, spending ages searching for just the right one. Then he refuses to let anyone sit on it, because he wants to keep it nice. And he’ll go out and buy a horrible throw and cover the nice new armchair with it, so you can’t see it.

DM:

Men must always take off their hat indoors. This refers to any kind of hat, including baseball caps, beanies, etc. Otherwise it is rude. (Women are free to wear hats indoors at any time; this is not rude.)

No shade on her. I've got a cleaner and use my dishwasher and tumble drier regularly, and love a good browse of Netflix, I also run a business as well as a home so don't feel bad about anything I do to make my life easier. (MIL hasn't really worked apart from a couple of hours a day when her DC were older).

To each their own I say, I just think making a judgement on someone's moral character based on how often they peg their washing out or open their curtains isn't something we see much anymore so it tickles me!

PIL also don't put the heating on except for one hour an evening. I've seen them huddled in the residual warmth of their oven in jumpers and gilets when really they should just stick the heating on for a bit.

They are nice people, we just don't really understand each other. And DH is showing worrying symptoms of the same malaise as he gets older (the pegging out thing and unnecessarily fussing about doing odd jobs to be Doing Something), so there's no hope really!

Sounds like my Nan (in her 80’s) -

My DH is the only one to get offered a cup of tea as he is ‘a good provider and he works hard for you’. Because I’m a stay at home mum, everyone else has to make their own brew 😂

She thinks it’s obscene that I don’t iron his work shirts, this apparently is the epitome of being a good housewife!

She regularly says things like ‘oh she has those children immaculate’ and ‘she keeps a lovely tidy house’.

Oh and no one of good character has ever eaten a ready meal or a shop bought pie! Heaven forbid....she refuses to own a microwave as her own demonstration of this!

These sound familiar!

Add:

Having a programme on and not giving it your full attention ie reading

Not drinking alcohol with dinner

Windows not being opened every morning

They do they window thing too! They 'air out' every room daily. No word yet as to what mysterious and forbidding thing will befall you if it isn't aired. As well as the one hour a day heating thing, it basically feels so cold at their house, it could be built on top of a burial ground. DH swears there was ice on the inside of his window growing up

Oh Lord, your MIL is my mother (who I love, admire and respect).

She gave up doing meals on wheels last year. She was 81.

In my MILs defence, she is as fit as a lop, lovely and slim and always very neat and well dressed. My PIL are so disciplined that until very recently they went to the building society to draw out money for the week and never, ever went over. I can't even imagine that kind of life. To them, I am chaos.

My nan, whenever I went to visit, used to ask the moment of my arrival if I had any washing to put in. Like I would bring dirty laundry on a trip! She used to worry, bless her, that as I worked full time I never had time to do the washing and ironing.

@mbosnz delivering? That's amazing!

I’m with some of the MILs.
Men should not wear a hat indoors; it’s very poor manners.
Hanging washing out rather than destroying the world further by always using a tumble drier has to be a good thing.
Eating in the street is pretty poor form. We all eat too much (unless you have an eating disorder) and the litter is appalling. Chewing gum discarded everywhere. Old sandwich boxes. Just horrible and common.
We probably do all sit down too much and the NHS/ adult social care budgets are bearing the cost of our inactivity.
I rarely pull curtains. If I do it’s for additional insulation not ‘people seeing in’.

None of those are age things. Most of the young adults I know would think likewise.

My mum (73) is exactly like this. Her and my dad are proud of the fact they’ve had a dishwasher in their last two homes (so around 15 years), but have never switched them on.

I’ll use the washing line in the summer, although a lot less often than my mum thinks (and mostly only if I can get husband or kids to do it), but my mum always always hangs her washing out. What would people think if she didn’t?

I was brought up to never ever express boredom, as, it seems, the best cure for boredom is cleaning windows or polishing. I know it’s disgusting but I probably did more polishing during my teenage years than I have in my whole adult life, and I’m 48.

Like other people have said, sitting down isn’t something my mum is comfortable with. She has ‘her programmes’ (they seem to be factual programmes about vets), and that’s her limit.

My mum has two chocolates every evening. The other day we shared a 2 finger kitkat mid afternoon (sharing a kit Kat is normal for my mum, she’d be horrified if she knew I can eat two chunky kitkats one after the other, no problem at all) and she said she’d have to forgo her evening chocolates. It would never occur to her to be greedy.

I wish I took after her. Her house is immaculate - she’d never be mortified if someone called round unexpectedly. She’s lovely and slim, hair and nails always look nice (and she does them herself). She’d never spend the day in pyjamas like I just have. I got up, had a shower, brushed my teeth and CHOSE to put on clean pyjamas. I spent the afternoon watching tv with the curtains shut. I swear my poor lovely mum took the wrong child home from the hospital...

I love my mum and dad so much but I think my life baffles them. My husband will cook, make a hot drink, put a wash on, get the hoover out just as often as I will. its shocking! She’ll never stop popping over with a swede or some homemade but disgusting soup that no one will ever eat, but it’s what makes her my mum.

I wonder if this 'keep busy' mentality is coming to an end? These days it all seems to be about 'me time' and trying to destress. My MIL has never been stressed in her life. She doesn't have time

Delivering!

Actually, I'm a bit worried. Looking at these, I think I'm turning into me Mum. Okay, I'm not worried. She's pretty shit hot.

My friend's MIL (who is 66) thinks that if your curtains aren't opened by 7am,all your neighbours will be gossiping about what a lazy slag you are.

my MIL must have the curtains closed as soon as it appears to be dusk, AND you are not allowed to put the lights on until they are closed otherwise as @katy1213 says people will see in

also she like to watch her "programmes" and will snick the tv off when they are done if she has visitors, but she know a hell of a lot about daytime tv and Pointless for a woman who only watches the news and David Attenborough imo :o

My neighbour also thought I was a good housewife cos my kitchen window was often open, and she could often smell lovely smells, I also love to get laundry out on the line and am a house airer too

other than that I am a terrible housewife! :o

My FIL is so frugal it is frustrating. I wish he would spend some of the money he has scrimped and saved over the years, even to make their lives more pleasant (such as more central heating), especially now they've retired.

I waged a campaign to get them to book a holiday to Canada that they have mentioned they like to go on but I know they'll never book. It didn't work.

FIL has 3 pairs of slippers in the wardrobe because the ones he wears day to day look so much like they have been lifted from a bin somewhere that people notice and think it's a great idea for a present come Christmas or birthday time. The problem is, those slippers are For Best and, as such, are kept waiting in an eternal holding pattern for the day when his workaday slippers with their emerging stuffing and protruding big toe, no longer fit the bill. Who knows when that will be?

My DGM passed recently at 94 and she was amazing. She was the opposite of this, kept telling me I was amazing and she didn't know how I did it.

Coming from a woman who'd no central heating, washing machine, tumbler drier, microwave and who baked or cooked from scratch every day when she was raising her 3 children then travelled the world when they grew up, I definitely felt this was looking at me with a grandmother's eyes rather than a objective viewers