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Help- cleaner drank my gin!

614 replies

kayde12 · 19/01/2020 10:48

Hi all,
I’m new to mumsnet, but would really love some advice!

I’ve just signed up to a cleaning company and had my first clean, which I was thrilled about.
Then I noticed that half of my bottle of pink drink has gone!
I only got the bottle given to me as a gift last week from my sister in law.
My Dh doesn’t drink and I have my two ds in the house.
It was the cleaner definitely!
The company have been awful at getting back to me and sent me a poor email saying she said she didn’t drink it Hmm and was too early in the morning.

I feel really gutted and not sure how to move forward or get some sort of justice!!

OP posts:
lozzybeast · 21/01/2020 19:27

Wow, what a shitty judgemental welcome you've had to mumsnet! @kayde12

Whilst I disagree with your automatic suspicion of the cleaner, and my life experience tells me the 13 Y.O is a more likely suspect, how rude people have been is unnecessary, and as you say either is a possibility.

Yes OP you definitely could have worded it better, but jeez! You shouldn't have to answer questions on why DH doesn't drink!

Why do people automatically assume you're an alcoholic if you don't drink? People who assume you don't drink because of addiction issues, may need to look at their own drinking habits!

Also, my daughter at 14-15 was decanting my parma violet gin, and drinking it on week nights and not appearing drunk, I always thought I'd notice too, but I didn't!

mathanxiety · 21/01/2020 19:54

OP you have behaved badly here.

Your cleaner may not be fired, as far as you are aware anyway.

But if her agency or company keeps files with their agents' records, comments from clients, etc., then you can be sure that your accusation has been recorded.

The damage to you is negligible here. You are upset. You are puzzled. Half your gin is gone. But you can buy more.

The cleaner otoh gets a remark in her file that she can never remove. Her reputation for honesty with other people's property, which is a massive part of the service she sells, is impugned.

The only principle worth worrying about here is 'innocent until proven guilty'. Everything else is grandiosity and paranoia on your part.

I think you have done her a massive injustice and I think, since you ask what to do now, you should call the agency and say you have found the culprit and are satisfied it wasn't the cleaner, and ask them to remove any comments on this matter from her records. You can say you are sorry but it would be too embarrassing to have this particular cleaner back.

Then you need to lock up your liquor. You have a 13 year old (and occasionally his friends) in your home. Time to start thinking ahead.

NumbersStation · 21/01/2020 20:04

Could not agree more mathanxiety

morrisseysquif · 21/01/2020 20:40

Unless you had proof it was the cleaner you should NOT have accused her.

If the trust was lost you should have ended the arrangement and found another cleaner.

You have behaved badly.

kayde12 · 21/01/2020 20:43

Wow, what a response!

Who would have known how popular the topic of gin and cleaners would be?

If I am as loony, superior, naive, stupid, badly behaved and grandeur as I’ve been told on this thread then surely the cleaning company won’t take such thing seriously.

Furthermore, to such an outrageous report they shouldn’t even record anything at all and business will resume as usual. Because obviously, it’s an insane, impossible situation.

I must remember that all cleaners have integrity, to doubt that is unforgivable and outrageous.

So all the worriers and those fretful people on this post, you’ve got nothing at all to worry about.

Lastly, I must note in my parenting book my that 13 year old boys are wild, and drink with the friends (including my own ds).

Please could someone tell me how this post can now me deleted?

OP posts:
kayde12 · 21/01/2020 20:44

@morrisseysquif

Sure, thank you

OP posts:
FlamingoAndJohn · 21/01/2020 21:10

Lastly, I must note in my parenting book my that 13 year old boys are wild, and drink with the friends (including my own ds).

Before you take this too much to heart, op, just remember that most people here who have said that it was the 13 year old have based it on personal experience.
I don’t think many posters here are, or ever were 13 year old boys.

Liriope · 21/01/2020 21:15

As predicted by KatherineJaneway in 'Mumsnet threads you know the answer to before you even open them'...

^OP: AIBU?
MN: 99.9% Yes

MMHQ: We're taking this thread down due to privacy concerns

That means OP didn't like the answers so wants to erase the thread^

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3795510-Mumsnet-threads-you-know-the-answer-to-before-you-even-open-them

NumbersStation · 21/01/2020 21:21

She might have lost her gin but she has clearly found a hump Hmm

ArthurDentsSpaceTowel · 21/01/2020 21:41

This is just a real life allegedly version of the chapter in Freaky Friday where the mum discovers the cleaner's been nicking the gin and sacks her on the spot.

morrisseysquif · 21/01/2020 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TatianaLarina · 21/01/2020 22:36

Oh ffs. The 13 year old is no more likely than the cleaner. This thread is batshit.

lynney88 · 21/01/2020 22:41

So OP in your book you automatically assume that cleaners are beneath you and have less integrity than yourself.

I think you need to look in the mirror. You are rude and quite honestly your neck is going to get sore with your nose held so high.

You do know that some cleaners only do the job to keep busy and actually have a partner that is well off?

And if the cleaner was a single parent on a low income wage then you've just destroyed their chances......

You must remember too that teenagers push boundaries and their integrity diminishes somewhat, no not all teens are like this but surely you should be able to tell if your kid is lying.

LoveIslandVirgin · 21/01/2020 23:13

Good grief. The cleaner didn’t have to drink it at the time, she could have decanted it! Of course it wasn’t the 13 year old - he’d have been very ill if he’d drunk that much.

I resent the accusers on here commenting that you can afford to lose gin if you can afford a cleaner. I have two DS and had a cleaner for a while but I’m not rich. I just wasn’t coping. It was money well spent. Until random things went missing. Things the DS wouldn’t notice if they tripped over them, incase any of the judges or jury on here jump to conclusions.

Welcome to MN! Baptism by fire!!

ClappyFlappy · 21/01/2020 23:15

Lol @lynney88 how long did it take you to dream all that shite up?

morrisseysquif · 21/01/2020 23:16

What @Lynney88 said but I wasn't so polite!

ClappyFlappy · 21/01/2020 23:22

The “you shouldn’t report without concrete proof” posts don’t make sense. It’s perfectly usual to report suspicions. It may well be that there’s no proof for the agency to take any action against her but if they get a number of suspicions reported about the same person then it could lead to an inference that the employer could take action on. If they don’t get any more then chances are it wasn’t her.

ClappyFlappy · 21/01/2020 23:31

I think you have done her a massive injustice and I think, since you ask what to do now, you should call the agency and say you have found the culprit and are satisfied it wasn't the cleaner, and ask them to remove any comments on this matter from her records

Bonkers.

Why would she do that unless it was true?

You don’t know any better than anyone else that it wasn’t the cleaner who took it. If it gets removed from her record then if someone else reports something missing they’ve not got a previous incident to refer to in order to draw inferences she’s done anything wrong.

From the OP it sounds like the cleaning company didn’t accept it was the cleaner so they’ve maybe got her back regardless without the OP emailing them a lot of shite on the say so of mumsnet

Patroclus · 21/01/2020 23:36

Ah yes this happened with my mother's fois gras. I goosed the chaffeur who it turned out had terrible compulsion issues with fowl products.

lynney88 · 21/01/2020 23:38

@ClappyFlappy in the in the real world with people who laugh at snobs and their incriminations against good, honest, hard working people without evidence.

She probably drank it herself and got too shit faced to remember and blamed the cleaner.

I can't believe the snobbery of people, "oh it was definitely the cleaner because they are obviously of lower class, who can't possibly afford their own gin so steal from their employers Hmm" yawn

You can't make accusations based on a half full bottle. OP wasn't there when the gin went missing and she didn't notice straight away so it possibly wasn't the cleaner.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 22/01/2020 00:06

I definitely took my parent's booze and watered it down as an early teen. Got horribly drunk - will never forget that! There is justice, however.

Made martinis for dinner guests - I swear it was all water. With an olivel. DD had got to it first. Payback.

nalione · 22/01/2020 02:28

Next time you all sit around the table for dinner. Make sure everyone is seated. Then Get the Gin bottle, place it randomly in the middle of the table with your normal things and carry on as normal with what you normally do at dinnertime. Do not refer to it just have your normal conversation. But you are going to watch and keep note of the 13yr olds eyes and body language. Do not refer to the Gin Bottle, If they ask why its there, tell them you felt like putting it there. and again revert to normal. Continue 'So how was school'. Or whatever your dinnertime chat is. When they are finished and leaving the table continue to watch the reaction/body language of both children. You'll get an idea if it was one or even both. (Truth or Dare).
Also is there definitely half a bottle of Gin left or is it watered down. Have you tasted and checked. As kids will put water in the bottles thinking no one will notice.

mathanxiety · 22/01/2020 07:00

Why would she do that unless it was true?

You don’t know any better than anyone else that it wasn’t the cleaner who took it. If it gets removed from her record then if someone else reports something missing they’ve not got a previous incident to refer to in order to draw inferences she’s done anything wrong.

God forbid that some of you should end up on a jury any time.

As things stand the OP has no evidence on which to base her accusation. Yet in the heel of the hunt someone stands accused, and her file reflects that accusation.

This is not just. The OP invokes the principle of justice, a legal concept, while conveniently forgetting that the law relies on evidence that is sturdy enough to dispel reasonable doubt, not circumstantial evidence, which is all the OP has to go on along with a good many assumptions about her own family. If we are to get all legal here, with an invocation of 'justice', the prosecution has to prove guilt. Can the OP do this, in the interests of 'justice'? No, she can't. So she needs to back down, eat humble pie, admit to herself that she was hasty and wrong, and do something just instead. You can't let an accusation hang over someone when you don't have solid evidence. The accusation must be withdrawn.

Merely because someone else experiences a coincidental loss while the cleaner is employed doesn't necessarily mean she is the person responsible either. But she could end up with two strikes if another client is hot-headed enough, and sufficiently invested in the idea that "there is corruption everywhere" except in her own family, to call an agency and state what might be outright lies. You don't have the right to be wrong if that means you are putting someone else's livelihood in jeopardy.

The OP is not responsible for what happens down the line if someone else experiences a loss. What you are calling to mind here is basically a posse of vigilantes all holding the line against marauding cleaning women.

mathanxiety · 22/01/2020 07:09

It’s perfectly usual to report suspicions. It may well be that there’s no proof for the agency to take any action against her but if they get a number of suspicions reported about the same person then it could lead to an inference that the employer could take action on. If they don’t get any more then chances are it wasn’t her.

And we can kick people around like this because they are the lower orders?

And employers can take action against an employee based on 'inferences'?

Why not just find out where this woman lives and gather with pitchforks, followed by some sort of witch testing in the nearest pool? If she floats she's a witch and if she sinks - whoops!

It is absolutely not "perfectly usual" to report suspicions unless you live in the Deutsche Demokratische Republik.

Holy crap.

mathanxiety · 22/01/2020 07:14

I must remember that all cleaners have integrity, to doubt that is unforgivable and outrageous.

"Innocent until proved guilty" (beyond a reasonable doubt) would also suffice Hmm.

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