Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

If you can’t stand your in-laws to the point of not seeing them, but dh wants too how do you manage the situation

39 replies

Lardlizard · 18/01/2020 19:08

How do you go about this

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 18/01/2020 19:09

He goes without me!

frostedviolets · 18/01/2020 19:10

Go along and try to be as two faced and fake as they are out of love for DH?

Coughy4u · 18/01/2020 19:11

Let him go alone duh

Original poster
Lardlizard · 18/01/2020 19:13

Yes I suppose that’s the obvious thing let him go alone

Which I have no problem with

It’s just the kids

OP posts:
Original poster
Lardlizard · 18/01/2020 19:14

Frosted
It’s gone past that point done that for 20 years
Had enough of them now

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 18/01/2020 19:14

Why can't he take the children with him?

Everythingmagnolia · 18/01/2020 19:15

My DH and the kids go without me. She knows why I don't go.

Coughy4u · 18/01/2020 19:16

They can go with him.
Do they live so far away or the children breastfed or something? He can literally just take them and visit and come back. You arent the only family like this.

Wolfiefan · 18/01/2020 19:17

My kids can go too. If they want. Quiet time for me!!

Myyearmytime · 18/01/2020 19:23

My mother in law was horrible to me . And says horrible about the kids to me. The kids did not go for while till they teenagers. Then they when with their dad .

Lipperfromchipper · 18/01/2020 19:24

Let him go with the kids...Confused

katy1213 · 18/01/2020 19:25

Let him take the children on his own and you enjoy a day of peace of quiet. If the children are older, they can decide for themselves.

WhiskersPete · 18/01/2020 19:26

Watching with interest

Xiaoxiong · 18/01/2020 19:27

We are back in contact now, but while we were NC for a while DH visited with the kids but promised that the moment anyone said a single word against me he would walk out with the kids. Luckily he never had to and we are all back on speaking terms again.

Sorrento2014 · 18/01/2020 19:32

Wish I knew the answer to this. I tried really hard with them for years and took the children to stay with them,had them stay with us etc but had to distance myself for the sake of my mental health.So when they come here DH and children visit them (they no longer stay with us) but we are getting to the stage where children are old enough to go with DH to stay with them,which means splitting up the family for holidays (they are a couple of hours flight away) which I am reluctant to do.No advice here but sympathies,it's a horrible situation.

MarieFromStTropez · 18/01/2020 19:35

My PIL would love for DH and DC to visit without me. They do all they can to exclude me as they don’t really see me as ‘family’.

maidenover · 18/01/2020 19:36

Move to Canada Wink

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 18/01/2020 19:38

Send DH on his own, without the kids. Or spitefully tell the kids the horrible things granny and grandpa have said and send them off with a wave. Wink

maidenover · 18/01/2020 19:39

Seriously though he just has to visit them without you. I don’t mind my in-laws but sometimes I just don’t want to spend time with them so DH goes alone or with the kids to visit. He also doesn’t necessarily want to see my family every time I do, which is fine and fairly normal.

silver1977 · 18/01/2020 19:40

Easy for people to simply say just don't go let your DH go without you, but how would that impact your relationship? Would DH be upset with you? It depends on the reasons for not wanting to see them imo. If they are horrible and rude to you then fair enough.

I would be very upset if my DH said he didn't want to see my family anymore, they're my family at the end of the day and I want them to get along. However saying that, I am in a similar situation with my IL's, my DH had a big row with them and he has told me a few things they have said about me and us etc which have upset me. Although I haven't actually spoken to them I would feel very uncomfortable should they make up. Would you like to share why you don't want to see them again OP?

Original poster
Lardlizard · 18/01/2020 19:43

Well dil like to wind then up and is ride racist and sexist and you can’t trust dh to pull them up on any of it
He’s very weak around them

If they were decent or he was stronger then I wouldn’t worry

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/01/2020 19:48

He takes the kids. You stay at home and eat bonbons. Job done.

Wolfiefan · 18/01/2020 19:48

If they’re basing inappropriate around the kids and DH won’t tell them to stop then they can’t see the kids either.

frostedviolets · 18/01/2020 19:49

Today 19:14 Lardlizard

Frosted It’s gone past that point done that for 20 years
Had enough of them now

Believe me I sympathise, but if your DH hasn't come to the realisation of their toxicity and what they really are on his own, and let's face it, if it's been 20 years he probably isn't ever going to realise, it's often easier to just go along, smile and keep quiet safe in the knowledge that you are a better person than them, else it causes tension between you and DH.

Original poster
Lardlizard · 18/01/2020 19:50

Yes but I can’t really make him not take them can I
Even if we weren’t together, he could still take them hen he’s got them ...

And what do you mean basing

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread