If you can’t stand your in-laws to the point of not seeing them, but dh wants too how do you manage the situation

[Lardlizard]

How do you go about this

Frosted I hear what your saying and that’s why I’ve done just that all these 20 years
But I just can’t do that anymore as it’s making me too angry

Frosted eh? Better than them by faking? That is such a libra thing to say 😂 I disagree. It's best to focus on who you choose to surround yourself with and your own well being. You do not need to see them ever again if you don't want to..
She doesn't need yo go through this, her husband should have taken issue with how they treat her, too tbh.

Can you pull them up on what they say? Channel the anger and say something

Frosted, if my DH held my healthy boundaries against me to the extent that I wouldn't be allowed peace if I maintained them, I'd be getting rid of him as well.

Oh I do, but they just carry on

Could you get your dh to be on board to say that if they continue then you will all leave their house. Repeat each time until they get the message

I go too. I don't trust them so I want to watch my children when they are there

My PiLs live a good five hour drive away, so visits involve a stay of around 3 or 4 nights. I can't cope with being in Mil's company for that long, so dh takes the DC's on his own. Dh completely understands, and has no issue with this. A couple of times a year, they'll come up and stay with us. It's a bit tricky, but I try to be hospitable and polite - for dh's sake more than anything. After all, my own mother is difficult to say the least, and dh is very kind towards her.
When the PiL's come to stay, I do let dh do the bulk of the hosting. I'll sometimes absent myself, having essential work to catch up on for a couple of hours, or I'll pop out to Tesco's in the evening for some crucial thing I've forgotten. It helps break the time up a bit. There's a hell of a lot of tongue biting involved, but it's generally ok. They're getting older now, and they're not about to change.

DH's parents are racist, misogynistic, homophobic, ignorant, opinionated, vulgar people who have said the cruelest things to DH and have attempted to belittle and isolate me.

DH still sees them with the children 3-4 times a year for a weekend (1 night).

I find it quite difficult but I have to respect DH's decision and trust that he will keep the children safe from their toxicity... hopefully PILs don't see the kids enough to ever have any emotional/physiological impact on them... but I do worry, I've seen how they treated their own child.

This was how it was when we were young - DM and her MIL hated each other (MIL looked down on her because of her background ).
My DF took us to visit for a few hours at the weekend, DM stayed home. It didn't have any long term impact on us.
DF and DGM are both dead now but DM doesn't have a lot to do with his remaining family.

Frosted v good point.

My in laws are not the kind of people you can really visit or spend time with because they don't ask questions, take an interest or make conversations...

Dh doesn't go there. I don't see them at all and I'm so much happier for it. A decade of my life wasted chained to these awful people who made me feel miserable and depressed.

The dc never ask to go there either....

Interesting point our dc never ask to go there
Dh doesn’t even like them either so i suppose the Minimal time he will go there with them shouldn’t have too much of an affect on them