My cat is a dick!

[Newyearnewarse]

It refuses to leave the house by the front door!
Why ?
It leave the back door and then walks past the front door and down the drive so it's not because we have a scary wolf out the front.
But the front door is easier for me.
I love him but he is a dick !
Please tell me about your dickhead pets!

My cats are both dicks too, I had the patio door open last weekend and instead of going to the loo outside she comes in and uses the litter tray and makes my home stink. It is not as if she has never done it outside. Other times after she has been outside and she has cold paws she comes and sits on me to warm them up. Her sister cries to be let out so I open the door and she just sits there in front of it letting my nice warm home get cold.

The worst is they seem to time going for the smallest shit so the smell hits me as I walk in the door after work every single day.

It's not just cats.
It's dogs who grow up with cats too.

We had a dog, Sid, who we took in when it became clear our elderly neighbour was struggling. She had 5 cats and Sid and she asked us to take him as she couldn't take him on walks anymore.
He behaved like a cat. He would find a frog or a bird or a mouse and "play" with them.

Mice were by far his favourite.

He would easily catch them as he was a big heavy dog with big paws. But he would pounce like a cat, hold them in his paws, let them go and then bring them as a gift once they were half dead.
Strange old boy. I'm sure he went to cat heaven instead. Lived to be 12 and still missed.

*smelliest not smallest

I've got 6. They're all dicks, and not a day goes by where I don't threaten to PTS at least one of them. But they're also pretty cute and funny, so I give them another chance.

My male cat has gotten into the habit of pawing me in the face to get me up in the morning... he only started doing it on his return from the cattery. Maybe the other cats taught him new tricks

I want a cat so much, despite the dick-ness!! By the way, do they really always puke all the time?

Mine is currently banging on my patio to come in and I’m sure her mum will be banging on the door soon too! They both hate each other, well the mum hates her daughter until food time and they Love each other!

@Billyeyelash this is exactly what mine does. Has a cat flap but will stand at the front of the house and stretch up and bash at the window with his paws.
The people in my street must think I’m horrible as he will sit there for ages waiting to be let in. Trouble is if the curtain is closed and the tv is on or I’m in another room I can’t hear him.
Also makes my windows really dirty

My dick cat woke me up at 7 am to complain there was no food and she was clearly about to die from starvation and/or phone the RSPCA etc etc and then when I got downstairs to feed her I put her bowl down and she refused to eat anything. So I go back upstairs to DH and say 'dunno what's wrong with your stupid cat, she's not eating her food" and he said was it the right flavour and it so happens it was a previously accepted flavour of all the fish flavours and then he says "where did you put the bowl?" and I told him and he said "she won't eat there, that's not her morning bowl place" And I say "how the fuck can a cat have a 'morning bowl place?'" So I went back down and put her stupid bowl in her 'morning bowl place' and she ate what was left of it - because obviously her brother doesn't care about the correct flavour or the position of the sodding bowl and had already started on it. FFS.

Mine has a different 'I want to go out' depending on whether she want me to let her out or my carer.

For me she walks up and down the windowsill saying 'Whaaa', I then ask her if she wants to go out, if she does she continues to walk up and down, if she doesn't it means she wants to sit with her nose out and her body in and the window opening, this is most common when snowing.

My carer she stares at, a stare that probably kills mice, I'm sure she is hypnotising him.

She also pretends she is starving, I know she visits some of my neighbours for food and sleeping.

My cat is a massive dick. She will frequently come in to my bedroom at around 3am and, if I don't get up immediately, starts scratching the side of my bed because she knows that will do the job. I then have to follow her downstairs and move her food bowl to the exact location she demands. She's mean to the dog and will cosy up to him one minute and then swipe him round the face the next. He still loves her though.
If she were human, she'd be dangerous.

My 18 year old cat has given up on subtle ways of waking me up in the morning and just shoves her entire paw right in my mouth at 6am.
It's very unpleasant but does the job. There is no going back to sleep after that.
Any attempt to lock her out of the bedroom means a whole night of wailing, digging up the carpet and general fuckery so I've just given up.

I have three, all dicks. The tabby dick will lift my eyelid with his paw while I’m asleep to wake me up. For food of course.

My cat is a regular on the local lost pets Facebook group

He has a cat flap so can come and go as he pleases and a plentiful supply of food although he regularly changes his mind over what food is acceptable (usually just after I’ve bought a big box from cash and carry) - what was ok for breakfast, is the work of the devil by dinner time

He hangs around our local shop car park, pulling his ‘I’m a poor starving kitty’ act, cue lots of posts from concerned people - some of them have actually gone in the shop and bought him a pouch of food

Sits on our living room window sill in horrific weather looking thoroughly miserable and sad - cue posts from concerned people thinking he’s lost or we’re cruel, heartless owners who have shut him out of his nice warm house

Our next door neighbour feed him for us if we go away and if he thinks he’s not being fed enough here he goes round there and shouts at her

Has worked out now to open windows so goes round the house opening windows - doesn’t go outside, just likes to sit on the window sill with his head poking out, takes a few goes before he finds a window he’s happy with. Don’t mind so much in summer but the house is always fucking freezing in winter

Shits in the fancy flower pots my neighbour has either side of her front door (we clear it up) - we have a litter tray which he uses so I think it’s just some sort of dirty protest

He’s an arsehole

I guess it is because cats are naturally wary and by going out the back way, it gives time to assess the safety of the front as he makes his way round to the driveway. He may feel that going straight out to the front doesn't provide a chance to check for any dangers.

I love my cat.

But she is a total thug and she enjoyes lying in the middle of the stairs so my wimpy great blig fluffy alsation x can't get past because said alsation cross is afraid of her (and has been for the past 13 years).

I have 4 cats and 3 of them are dicks, the worst one steals things from the neighbor's like a chicken that has obviously just come out of the oven, knickers, purse, potato peeler, electric bill, sponge, a really nice pen and numerous kids toys.
He is a bit of a cunt to be honest.

Mine will meow at the front door to come in but will just sit and look at you when you open it - waiting for you to get the treats out !

One of my dicks has just jumped up on me whilst I'm sat at the breakfast bar just so she could walk on said breakfast bar. I wouldn't mind (well I do) but there is a sofa the other side of the breakfast bar that she could have easily have used instead of my legs. She does it with her claws out just for effect too.

My black cat is thick as mince. I came downstairs yesterday morning to find her sitting outside the front door yowling, soaking wet and miserable.

We’ve got a cat flap round the back

Mine jumps on me from the top of the headboard when he wants breakfast. He's a large and quite sturdily built grey cat. It hurts.

I have a black cat who is also a dick.
She's 17. Last Easter she had a funny turn when one of her back legs stopped working, thankfully temporarily.
She's milked it ever since. Can't go outside to poo any more, oh no. Have to get the litter tray out. If there's anything in there then the litter tray is irrevocably contaminated and she must now poo on a soft furnishing. Never mind she's been outside all morning and has popped out there as I saw her.
She's taken to using my leg to help her get up on the sofa. Ok her back leg is still a bit weak but she can jump, I've seen her. However if there is something soft and fleshy that will scream "ow" in a comical manner she'll always want to use that.
In cat years I think she's nearly 90. Never lets me forget it.

My cat uses the Venetian blinds as a personal doorbell by rattling them with her paw and looking at me, but won't go out the door closest to them. If I don't get up immediately to let her out, she rattles the blinds more, knowing fine she'll either get a packet of tissues lobbed in her direction or I'll move out of my comfy seat to open the door at the other end of the house for her. It usually happens just after I've sat down too.
She also likes to check the weather from all exits prior to deciding which one to go out - apparently the weather is different from each door.

smelliest not smallest
I can assure you that when it comes to cat poo, size has little bearing on the issue

My cat is a dick too.
He likes to sleep upstairs but we have to keep the hall door shut so the dogs don't get in. If we leave him he inevitably wakes us up by scratching on our door to be let out at 2 am but if we pick him up to chuck him out he growls at us as if we are unreasonable.
My dog is also a dick too though. He hates to poo whilst on a lead but if he does have to he's so ashamed that he tries to run off as fast as he can but that means he doesn't actually do a whole poo. This means I use up around 5 bags whilst he tries to shit out his shame. I have tried explaining to him that if he just did it in one go we could avoid all of this but he doesn't seem to take it on board.