HisBetterHalf
I'm not sure where I am on this at the moment. I can hear myself having the internal dialogue and actually discussed it with my husband last night.
Basically, I would like nothing better than to be someone who can take or leave alcohol. A glass of something now and again but being able to stop after a glass.
I feel that I have done that to a certain extent as i don't drink every night , mostly just weekends or even just Fridas and a little on Sunday but it always creeps up again. I have the issue of not being able to have just one glass of wine once the bottle is open.
I know I am much better without it, like when I took the year and a half off, but then I don't want to be a boring bugger who never lets go and has fun with friends. But why does that have to involve alcohol?
I have a friend who is the bubbliest,loveliest, fun person who stopped drinking years ago and I want to follow her lead.
But I find it hard and I then question why?
I was reminded (not maliciously but in fun) at the weekend about a time last year when i got inappropriately drunk and even though it was a while ago, it has brought the feelings of shame and guilt back and I feel a bit down again. So that should make it all decisive...but
....well...wine! I like it. Amongst other drinks. And I like sometimes getting a bit tiddly. I think. Or do I?
So, that's all the conflicting dialogue that's going on inside me.
I started this this time, thinking that I would like to continue on but I find myself thinking I might have a drink in February. So if others would like to then I'd certainly appreciate the ongoing support and see what happens.
Reminding myself (again!) that when the internal dialogue gets too much I can just come back to today. "Just for today, I'm not having a drink"